"Yeah. You were expecting me to use some other part of my body to masturbate?"
He looks confused. "No, but don't you girls usually have certain ... devices to help you out?"
"Devices? You mean vibrators?"
"Well, yeah." He looks so embarrassed discussing the matter, I almost laugh.
"Sorry to tell you this, but I've never owned one."
"Why not?"
"I don't know. In college, Cassie and Ruby tried to drag me to a sex shop, but I wasn't interested. Maybe that was a mistake, because they both purchased super amazing vibrators they raved about for the next two years. According to them, Buzz and Woody rocked their worlds."
Liam tries not to smile. "Buzz and Woody? Really?"
"Yes. They're the main characters in Sex Toy Story - a touching tale that's been ribbed for her pleasure."
He chuckles. "I bet. So you've never even tried one?"
"No, but I don't consider I've missed out on anything. I mean, my hand may be low-tech, but it's pretty damn talented."
"Oh, I believe me, I know."
"Right? And now that I have the People’s Sexiest Man Alive as my live-in fuck-buddy, I have no need for anything else, do I?"
There's a beeping noise, and he feels around the bed before picking up his phone and checking the screen.
"Shit. My driver will be here in fifteen minutes. I'd better shower and try to deflate my dick before he gets here, or he might get the wrong impression about how pleased I am to see him." He glances up at me. "Speak to you tomorrow?"
"Absolutely."
He sighs. "Four days, sweetheart. Just remember that."
"I will."
We exchange I love yous and sign off, and when he disappears from the screen, I button up my shirt and flop back down onto the bed.
Four days. I can last until then. No problem.
My body screams that I'm a filthy liar, but I figure if I just ignore it, the dull ache inside might go away.
I'm considering having a cold shower when there's a knock at the bedroom door.
"Hey. You finished your disgusting sex call with Quinn yet?"
I pull the sheet over my legs and smile. "Yes. Come in."
Josh enters, and with a tired grunt, he throws himself onto the bed beside me. "Please tell me you have pain killers."
I grab some Advil and a bottle of water off my night stand and hand it to him. "Go for your life."
"Thanks. Considering this hangover is all your fault, providing relief is the least you can do."
"Hey, I told you to stop drinking after your seventh beer. It's not my fault you didn't listen."
Josh pops two pills into his hand and uncaps the water. "I have no memory of that. I do, however, remember Miley Cyrus touching me in strange and inappropriate ways while you laughed your ass off."
"Can you blame me? The look on your face was priceless. You kept yelling that Angel Bell was your girlfriend so you were off the market, but that just seemed to make Miley want you more."
He nods as he throws the pills in his mouth and chases them with a gulp of water. "Sometimes, being this attractive is a curse."
"I wouldn't know."
He laughs. "Of course you wouldn't. You're hideous. I have no idea what Quinn sees in you. How is he, anyway? Still all tall and good-looking?"
"Yeah, but he seems exhausted. I think he's looking forward to our vacation even more than I am."
"I bet. I still can't believe you're letting him organize everything. I remember when I tried to plan a surprise party for your sweet sixteenth. The second you found out, you took over."
"Well, sure, but that's only because you were doing everything wrong."
"In other words, different from how you would do it."
"I stand by my definition of wrong."
"Uh huh."
I shove him in the arm. "If you stop giving me shit for five seconds, I may be inclined to make mac and cheese for breakfast. You in?"
His whole face lights up. "God, yes. I haven't eaten carbs in weeks. Angel thinks they're the work of the devil. Get that pasta in my face hole, STAT."
???
Half an hour later, we're sitting at the kitchen bench stuffing our faces with creamy, cheesy goodness when the intercom sounds.
I press the video button to the front gate and see a man leaning out the window of a delivery van.
"Hello?"
"Delivery for Elissa Holt."
"Oh. Sure, come on up." I press the button to open the gate then grab some cash from my purse and hand it to Josh. "Could you tip him? If I go I'll have to put on pants, and I don't need that kind of negativity in my life right now."
"Sure," he says and takes the cash. "Since you made me breakfast, the least I can do is facilitate your pantslessness." He looks around. "Now, if you could just provide me with a map of how to get to the front door, I'll be on my way."
I smile and point down the hallway. "Go that way for a few miles, then turn left. If you reach the bowling alley, you've gone too far."
Josh laughs. "Funny." When he reads my face, his smile drops. "You're not joking, are you? Quinn has a goddamn bowling alley in this place?"
"Yep. And a movie theater. And an entire room dedicated to gift wrapping."