Logically, Brandon knew that. But his heart, which had been hurt too many times, hadn’t gotten the memo. It kept whispering to stay back, that she had heartbreak written all over her.
Blake rested a hand on Brandon’s shoulder. “Just think about this. The two of you kept pushing me into something with Annabelle. You could see what I couldn’t and knew that she’d make me happy. Where would she and I be if I had allowed my fears to take over?”
Brandon knew his cousin was right. The problem was, Brandon had been living with his fears for so long, he wasn’t sure he knew what to do without them.
But didn’t she at least deserve for him to make an effort?
Eighteen
Brandon pulled up to Stella’s studio just as his phone rang and Trish’s number flashed across the screen. With a groan he picked up the device and seriously thought about ignoring it. But given her situation and the fact that she’d been having weekly conversations with Matt, Brandon reconsidered.
“Yeah,” he answered on the third ring.
“I want Matt to come see me,” Trish said by way of a greeting.
Brandon glanced out the driver’s side window and caught a glimpse of Stella twirling across the dance floor, then executing some sort of jump. She was the most incredible thing he’d ever seen.
“What?” he asked Trish.
“I want him to know that I’m here to stay,” she informed Brandon in a shaky voice. “I want to see him.”
“I don’t think he’s ready for that, Trish.”
A sob came from the other end of the phone. “I think he is.” Trish was quiet for a moment; then her soft cries filled the line. The sound was like a fist around Brandon’s heart, then tightened when he imagined Matt’s reaction when Trish bailed on him again. He’d be devastated all over again, heartbroken, and Brandon wasn’t sure he’d survive another round of watching his only child pick up the pieces after another loss.
“Is there at least a picture of him you can send me?”
Brandon sighed and dropped his head to the steering wheel. Just when he thought he had things figured out, knew exactly what he needed to do with Stella, life threw him another curve ball. And the harder he swung, the more he missed.
“I understand your hesitation,” Trish continued. “I’ve let you down in the past, so I don’t blame you at all for being wary. But don’t you think the decision should be his?”
“I’m used to making the decisions for him,” Brandon muttered. But even as the words left his mouth, they sounded…wrong. Making decisions for his grown son?
“But you can’t keep doing that.” She paused a moment. “And I’m not trying to tell you how to parent him. But he’s old enough to decide for himself. Don’t you think?”
“I need to understand what your intentions are.”
Trish blew out a breath. “I want to rekindle a relationship with him,” she explained.
“Yeah, I get that. But I’ve heard all this before and so has Matt. What happens after that?”
“I want…” Her words trailed off, as though she hadn’t thought that far ahead, which created a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. “I want to know all about him. I want to know what his future goals are, what he wants to study in college. I want to know what kind of food he likes to eat and what he does in his spare time.”
See, those were the things she should already know about him.
“I know I should know all of these things,” Trish said, as though she’d read his mind. “I can’t go back and undo all the mistakes I’ve made. But I’m here now and I’m asking for one more chance.”
“Trish—”
“I’m sorry for everything,” she blurted out. “For not being strong enough when you needed me, for leaving.” She blew out a breath. “I never meant to hurt you, Brandon. But when I left, I knew I was leaving Matt in good hands. You were always better at it than me.”
Brandon’s eyes dropped closed. What did she expect him to say? That it hadn’t been about leaving Matt in capable hands? That Matt had needed a mother, no matter how inadequate she’d felt?
“Trish—”
“You’ve done a great job with him,” she interrupted. “Matt’s a fine young man and I couldn’t be more proud.”
“Trish,” he pleaded again, but what he’d planned to say dissolved. His first instinct was always to brush her off. But something in the back of his mind told him to wait. The voice sounded suspiciously like Stella’s, urging him to take a step back, to stop hovering over Matt and let the kid experience something without Brandon acting as his safety net.
“I need your word,” he told her. “I need to know you won’t hurt him again.”
“Of course,” she answered immediately. “And you’ll always be number one in his life, Brandon. I get that. I’m not trying to take over or take him away from you. And the last thing I want is to hurt Matt again. I’m just asking for this one last chance.”
As Brandon sat in his truck, staring into Stella’s studio, he knew what he needed to do. He knew letting go of Matt was better for the kid than constantly trying to shelter him.
“All right, Trish. Maybe we can take a road trip to Oklahoma after he graduates. But that’s my condition,” Brandon warned. “I want to be there the first time. After that, if Matt decides he wants to see you again, then that’s his decision to make.”
Brandon practically felt Trish’s sigh of relief. “You have no idea how much that means to me,” she gushed.
He wanted to tell her not to get her hopes up, but he bit his tongue. Because maybe he would be better served as well by being a little more open-minded.
“Yeah, well…” Brandon broke off when his voice had grown thick. “I can’t make any promises about visiting this summer. But we’ll try.”
“Understandable,” Trish responded; then the line went dead. Brandon had the feeling she hadn’t wanted to give him a chance to change his mind. He ought to. True, he hadn’t felt anything for her in a long time, but she’d been his first love. His first everything and Matt’s mother. A part of him had always been grateful to her for giving him the most precious gift, even when he’d been hating her for leaving them.
He blew out a breath and dropped the phone on the passenger seat. As he exited the car, he thought about Matt and the conversation he’d had with Trish just last week. Brandon replayed the laughter coming from Matt’s bedroom, how he’d been telling Trish about Adrienne and their late-night trip to the emergency room. The conversation had been like any other normal exchange. Easy, lighthearted. Mundane.
Brandon had had the urge to warn Matt that it was a fantasy. That his mother had always had her own agenda. How would Matt react once Trish skipped out again? And would Brandon be able to hold him together this time?
But maybe this time Matt needed to experience it for himself. Maybe what he needed was for Brandon to step back and allow him to have whatever relationship with his mother that he wanted.