Her gaze snapped to his and she shoved him away. “I don’t know, all right? I don’t know how you make me feel. But I know that I don’t like it.”
She didn’t like it? Yeah, now she had a small dose of what he’d been going through. He hated the way she made him feel because it was new and different. She made him itch and come alive at the same time. Scared shitless and safe. Whatever the hell that meant. How can someone be terrified and feel good at the same time? The woman was a walking contradiction who drove him crazy as often as she turned him on.
And then he laughed, because he was the jackass who’d allowed it to happen. “Yeah, welcome to my world, sweetheart.”
Stella shook her head. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
What did that mean? It meant that she rocked his world. It meant that he didn’t know what to do with her because she was leaving and would only break his heart when she didn’t come back.
He shook his head, more at his own stupidity than frustration with her. It wasn’t her fault. She was just being Stella. It was his own damn fault for chasing after her like some panting teenager who couldn’t get his hormones under control.
“Nothing,” he finally said. And he left her standing there like the asshole he was.
Some days Brandon wished he smoked. He heard the stuff took the edge off and calmed nerves. Because that was what he needed. Something to cool the death grip he had on his steering wheel before he tore the thing in half.
Or just get laid.
Yeah, that was good at taking the edge off.
Except the only woman he wanted for that was ignoring him. Because he’d seriously blown it with her. What kind of asshole asked a woman to give up her one and only dream for him?
Yeah, this asshole.
What had he been thinking, asking Stella not to go to Chicago? He’d allowed his fears of her not returning to run his mouth off. To blurt out what he’d been thinking for months. And why should she stay? What did she have to stay for?
He was no better than all the other assholes who’d taken advantage of her.
He sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. He picked up his cell, dialed her number, and stared at the screen without connecting the call. He didn’t deserve her. She’d been through too much, been abused one too many times, for him to only continue the same pattern. With a grunt of disgust with himself, Brandon tossed the phone down and gripped the steering wheel with both hands.
As he’d been sitting in the waiting room at the hospital, hearing her tell him Matt was going to be fine, soaking up her strength, Brandon had realized he hadn’t done enough. Hadn’t done enough to show her he wanted more. How could she know he wanted something deeper than touching and kissing and flirting if he didn’t put himself out there? So he’d blurted out the words and then been hurt when she hadn’t jumped at the opportunity to give up everything for him. He knew he needed to put himself out there in order to show her, and he thought simply asking her had been enough.
The truth was, he’d been selfish to ask her to stay, and if he was going to gain her trust, he needed to give it in return.
So what did he do now?
Brandon turned off the highway to pick Matt up from practice. Technically he wasn’t supposed to be participating, at least until his leg healed enough. To be honest, Matt had been damn lucky his muscle hadn’t been torn.
There were only a few games left in the season until the playoffs and Matt needed to be in top shape. Brandon knew that impressing the recruiters was more important to Matt than anything. Right now, his sole focus was gaining a scholarship to UT. The idea of Matt going to school in Texas still didn’t sit well with Brandon. But the kid had dug his heels in and there was little chance of changing his mind.
He pulled into the high school parking lot as the team was finishing practice.
The day had turned cooler, with a crisp breeze bending the bare branches of the aspens and bringing with it gray clouds. Brandon snagged his coat and shrugged it over his shoulders to ward off the chill.
He walked onto the field and caught sight of Matt just before he disappeared into the tunnel leading to the locker room. Blake and Cameron had hung back to speak to one another.
“Please tell him he’s not allowed to miss Monday night football for a woman,” Cameron ordered Brandon.
“Were we doing something for Monday night football tonight?” Brandon asked.
Cameron crossed his arms over his chest. “You two were supposed to come over to watch the Broncos.”
Shit, he’d forgotten. He’d been too busy kicking his own ass for blowing it with Stella.
Cameron snorted and shook his head. “You’re both assholes.”
“At least I have a good excuse,” Blake commented.
Cam glared at Blake. “Celebrating your ten-month anniversary isn’t a good excuse. Hell, that’s not even a real anniversary.”
“It is to Annabelle,” Blake argued. “And you’re jealous because I go home to a woman every night and you go home to your fist.”
Brandon chuckled and Cameron slugged him on the arm. “What the hell are you laughing at? You go home to a teenager and your dog.”
“That’s not what I hear,” Blake muttered.
Cameron lifted a brow and Brandon tossed his cousin a quizzical look. “What’re you talking about?”
“That you’ve been spending a lot of time with Little Miss Dance Teacher,” Blake said with a grin.
“And who do you hear this from?” Brandon asked.
“Notice he’s not denying it,” Cam commented.
“Annabelle,” Blake said with a shrug, while ignoring Cameron’s comment.
“How the hell does Annabelle know?” Brandon questioned.
Blake looked at his cousin like he’d lost his mind. “Don’t you know women tell each other everything?”
“And still not denying,” Cameron threw in.
“Will you shut up?” Brandon ordered his friend.
Cam held his hands up in surrender. “Just saying.”
“What’s going on there?” Blake asked.
“Nothing,” he answered.
Blake and Cam exchanged a look.
“Really?” Cameron queried. “Because didn’t she go with you to the hospital when Matt had to get stitched up?”
Brandon shook his head. “That doesn’t mean anything.” Even as the words were leaving his mouth, Brandon knew they didn’t hold water. That he was lying to himself as much as lying to his two closest friends.
“Yeah, it does,” Blake commented after studying Brandon in silence. “It means more than you want it to.”
“It can’t though,” Brandon said quietly. “She’s leaving.”
“Yeah, but not forever,” Cameron pointed out.
“That’s not true,” Blake corrected. “She’s looking for a permanent teaching position.” He eyed Brandon. “You don’t trust her to come back,” Blake concluded. When Brandon didn’t respond, Blake sighed. “Stella’s not Trish.”