I wasn’t sure whether Lua’s statement was in indictment of Cal or a roundabout approval, but she hadn’t thrown any food at him, so that was a good sign.
Dustin spent most of the rest of lunch complaining about how he was having to build his roller coaster without any help from Jake, whose only contribution had been to attempt to name it the Funky Trumpet, which Dustin had vetoed. But he made sure to humble-brag about his awesome design.
“So,” Lua said, motioning at me and Calvin when Dustin finally stopped ranting about Jake. “What’s this thing going on with you two?”
“We’re just friends,” I mumbled.
Lua sighed, her entire face a frown. “Friends who know how big each other’s balls are? Right.”
Perhaps I’d been too hasty to think Lua was okay with me inviting Cal to sit with us.
Calvin glanced at me, panic beginning to creep onto his face. “We really are just friends,” he said, a little too defensively.
“Come on. You came to my show on New Year’s Eve, where you and Ozzie mysteriously disappeared, and now you’re eating lunch together. Something’s going on.” Lua refused to let it go. That’s just how she was. Usually, it was one of the things I loved about her, but I didn’t love it so much right then.
Calvin was back to keeping his hands in his lap and his eyes on the table. I knew if I didn’t say something, Lua would keep prodding and scare Calvin off.
“If something’s going on, and I’m not saying anything is, it’s our business. Is that okay with you?” My voice held an edge, a defiant tone daring Lua to challenge me.
Lua crossed her arms over her chest. “Whatever. It’s not like anyone cares.”
The tension at the table was suffocating. I couldn’t tell whether Lua was mad at me for standing up to her or for bringing Calvin to lunch in the first place.
After a moment of awkward silence, Dustin raised his hand and said, “Uh, I care. If you guys are a thing now, who the hell am I going to take to prom?”
? ? ?
I chased Lua down after my last class and offered her a ride home, which she grudgingly accepted. I didn’t know what to say to her. It was especially difficult because I didn’t know why she was so angry at me. And she was definitely angry, because she didn’t even try to change the music on my stereo.
Finally, I said, “Are you going to tell me what’s going on?”
“I didn’t think I needed to.”
“I can’t read your mind, Lu.”
Lua shifted in her seat. “When were you going to tell me about Calvin, Ozzie? I thought we told each other everything.”
I braked for a red light. “There’s nothing to tell right now. We fooled around. Once. But I don’t know what, if anything, is going on with Calvin. And why are you even so upset about this? Weren’t you the one who told me I needed to meet people?”
Lua didn’t answer. She pouted instead. The light changed to green and I gunned it off the line.
“Come on, Lua. I wasn’t trying to keep it from you, but you’ve been so busy and I honestly don’t know what’s happening with me and Calvin. I’m sorry I invited him to eat with us.”
“I don’t care about lunch,” she said, her voice so low that I could barely hear it over the sounds of traffic.
“Then what?”
She flared her nostrils, breathing heavily. Finally, she threw her hands up and said, “You’re mine. You belong to me. For the last six months you’ve been all about finding Tommy and missing Tommy and living in a delusional world where you had this life the rest of us can’t remember. All I wanted was my friend back, but you haven’t come back, you’ve just replaced Tommy with someone else. Someone who isn’t me.”
I hadn’t expected Lua’s words to sting so badly. Not just what she said, but how she said it. There was venom in her voice, and it got into my blood and infected my heart.
“I’m not replacing anyone,” I said. “You’re still my best friend.”
“Right.”
“You are!” I couldn’t have this conversation and drive at the same time, so I pulled into a gas station and parked in front of the coin-operated vacuum. I unbuckled my seat belt and faced Lua, looking her in the eyes.
“Listen, I’m sorry about Tommy. I mean, I’m not sorry—even if no one else in the world believes he’s real, I know he is—but I’m sorry you felt like I was ignoring you.” My thoughts were jumbled, and I knew I was doing a poor job of explaining, but I had to try. “I haven’t replaced Tommy, and I haven’t forgotten about him. I don’t know what this thing with Calvin is. He’s weird—really weird—and maybe I like him, I don’t know, but even if Calvin and I were more than friends, which we’re not, no one—not Tommy, not Calvin—could replace you. You’re my Lua. You will always be my Lua.”
Lua still refused to look at me. I wanted her to scream. I wanted her to yell at me and punch me and throw things at me. Those things might have looked scary to someone on the outside, but she only went nuclear on people she genuinely cared about. But when she was really upset, when she was truly and righteously angry, she cut me off—locked away her emotions and froze me out—and that was scarier than ten collapsing universes.
“Come on, Lu. Talk to me. Don’t shut down.”
“What do you want from me, Ozzie? What do you expect?”
“I don’t know. Honesty?”
“Fine,” Lua said. “You want the truth? Here goes: This was supposed to be our year. You and me, Oz. But you wasted the first half pining for an imaginary boy, and now, regardless of what you say, you’re going to lose yourself for the rest of it in Calvin, and then you’re going to go off to college and I’m never going to see you again. Isn’t it easier to just end our friendship now?”
Lua wasn’t pulling her punches, and I didn’t know whether that was better or worse. “How many times do I have to tell you Calvin and I are just friends?”
“Are you going to take Calvin to prom?” she asked. “Because we were supposed to go together. Remember?”
Honestly, I didn’t. I remembered me and Tommy sitting at the edge of the ocean talking about prom, discussing how we were going to rent a limo and wear matching tuxes and dance all night long. I’d assumed Lua and Dustin would join us, but in my memories, it was always me and Tommy.
“I’m not taking Calvin to prom.”
“Sure.”
Every time I thought I was drawing Lua out, she slipped back into silence and one-word replies. “What do you want me to say? That we’ll go to prom together? Done. You and me. Prom. No one else. Is that what you want?”
“It’s not just prom.”
“College? I haven’t gotten in yet, and I’m probably not even going. You can’t be pissed about something that hasn’t happened yet.” I slammed my palm against the steering wheel. “Anyway, you’re the one who’s leaving. You’re the one who skips classes to rehearse with the band and is going on tour at the end of the summer.”