“Going through the motions? That sounds like someone I don’t know. Hello, Aiden, you’re the humanitarian who doesn’t trust himself or me enough to be a little transparent, a bit human with himself, too!”
“Oh my God.” He shook his head and closed his eyes. “I don’t need this shit! Tim was right. I should have just stayed away. I knew better than this… but I just couldn’t resist. Now I’m paying the damn price.”
“Because I ask to know who you are, you’re paying the price? You’re really something!”
“I’m not closed off from you. We’ve shared all sorts of things.”
“Not true. I have shared all sorts of things, Aiden. Do you want to know what I see?”
“No, but I’m sure that’s not going to stop you from telling me.” He rolled his eyes.
“On one hand you’re thoughtful; on the other, you’re unemotional and detached. You are there but not there… you’re like a ghost of yourself. Yes, you are standing before me, but not here! How can you care so deeply about people and then have this huge brick wall between us? But I’m in the wrong, right? You’re unreal!”
Aiden couldn’t believe how his evening was going from bad to worse in a nanosecond. There seemed to be nothing he could do to stop the train wreck coming down the pike.
“I don’t believe you’d ever be satisfied. I don’t know what more you want from me, Addison.”
“My questions were simple. I ask you about your childhood, I get nothing! I ask you about your dad, I get nothing! I ask you about your dreams, I get nothing! I ask you about your mom, I get nothing, nothing, nothing!”
“We’ve only been seeing each other for a couple of months. I don’t owe you my life history! Why can’t you just let things unfold naturally? I owe you nothing, Addison, but what I consent to! Everything else is cream.”
“You’re right. You don’t owe me anything, Aiden, but you owe yourself a hell of a lot. Matter of fact, you owe yourself so damn much that you’ll never break even. Funny how you are more than willing to dish up the dirt on everyone else, help a friend in need, damsel in distress, you name it, but when it comes to you and whatever it is you’ve got going on, well hell, we can all forget it! You’re too damn good, right?”
“I never said I was too good, Addison.”
“Then why won’t you let me see you naked?! Not without clothes, but without the wall, the fence, the moat, the cement partition, the bricks piled high, the crocodile infested river, the ocean and everything else you can find to put between us?! I want to know who you are, Aiden!” She stomped her foot so hard, the sound jarred him. “I want to know how you came into the world, who created this man I have fallen so damn hard in love with! Can’t you see? I care about you enough to demand answers!!!”
She grabbed him close, put her arms around him and squeezed. He fell into a panic, but then his muscles relaxed in her grip as he shook, his world crumbling so fast and hard, he didn’t know what hit him. Slowly, so very slowly, he wrapped his arms around her. He couldn’t stop shaking in her embrace…
No one had ever confronted him this way. Hell, he had no idea he was hiding anything at all. It was simply his nature to keep his business to himself, even with ex-girlfriends he’d been with in the past. No one had ever forced or prodded too deep. He’d confided in Tim and his brother from time to time. Those were the two people who truly knew his heart, his history, and the pain deep within, but even they didn’t have every piece of the puzzle. Stepping away from her, he pointed to the bed.
“Uh, sit down for a minute, please,” he said, swiping his nose.
She did as requested and he sat next to her, glaring at the television before grabbing the remote control and putting it on mute. Clasping his hands together, he looked straight ahead for the longest, then turned in her direction.
“Where do you want me to start?”
“Tell me about your parents, Aiden.”
“My… my mother is a drunk.” He swallowed, briefly closed his eyes and began again. “My father? I don’t know him… I’ve never even said hello to him. He’s never been in my life. We’ve never talked on the phone. He’s never sent a birthday card, a Christmas gift, or taken me to a baseball game.”
“Does this man know you exist?” Addison asked in almost a whisper before crossing her legs.
“My mom said she told him when I was born, that he was with her most of her pregnancy but left before she had me. She said he came to the hospital and held me but then that was it. He’d never returned and ignored her calls and letters. Now here we are, thirty-two years later. I could have walked past him in the street a dozen times and not known it,” He shrugged. “Who knows?” They were quiet for a spell, and his stomach churned with horrible anxiety, but even through that pain, he was willing to forge on.
“How did that make you feel?”
“Like shit… like nobody wanted me. He didn’t love me enough to come back and Mom didn’t love me enough to stay sober.” He smiled. And at that moment, he was finally aware that he was smiling. The woman beside him was right. The grin slowly faded from his face and he looked down at his bare feet. When she rested her hand on his thigh, he wished he were inside her, pushing the bad recollections away, the memories of a man who’d never been a memory but a mere mirage…
Perhaps if he could bring their bodies pleasure, it would take the temporary sting of his imploding mind and heart away. But that was just it; his vices were always temporary. Addison demanded permanence. She no longer wanted to view his performances, she’d made that clear. There would be no warm pussy to slide in and conquer, so he could forget all of his troubles. There would be no limelight on another so he could once again escape into the shadows, hidden and safely tucked away. He was out in the open, emotionally naked for her eyes only.
“Tell me some things about your teen years that no one knows, Aiden.”
At least a minute passed before he spoke again.