“You kept in contact with your sisters but not with your mother and I. They didn’t approve of your marriage to Daniel, either, Addison. It seemed as though you wanted to punish us. He wasn’t right for you, and we knew it, but…” He shrugged. “In these cases, sometimes people have to find these matters out the hard way. I was just trying to save you some pain… some heartache…” He snatched up a napkin and blew his nose.
“Dad, Mary and Bridgette didn’t like Daniel—that’s a fact. I haven’t liked some of their boyfriends either and honestly, I can take or leave Lance but now that he’s engaged to Mary, I am trying to be as supportive as possible. To me, that is what a sister does. As long as he is not hitting her or dogging her out, I’m going to support her and try to be positive. They didn’t act the way you two did towards me. They told me what they thought, but they didn’t shun me or write me off, Dad. That was the difference. They didn’t wish doom and gloom on my marriage by saying, ‘It’ll never last.’ In fact, Bridgette told me flat out that she wanted to be proven wrong about him—and you know what? I believed her.”
“They still came by to visit us, even though Daniel tried to alienate me. Dad, that’s when I needed you and Mom the most! You were right, and because of that, your love was the most crucial it had ever been!”
She hated how her voice quaked at the revelation. She looked at her father, not certain if he understood. Here sat a Black man who’d come from money. He’d never known what it was like to struggle financially, or not know where his next meal was coming from. He did not live in the same realm of the have nots, but he had a good heart. That said, he had little patience for mistakes, and sometimes Addison felt like he thought she was a mistake, too. Middle child blues…
They stared at each other as time ticked on by.
“We never stopped loving you, Addison.” He swallowed hard, his eyes moist as apparent emotions built up like water in a dam, but he kept his composure nevertheless. The truth showed in the way his shoulders slumped and the tick at the corner of his lip.
Her phone buzzed then. She looked down at it and smiled. It was Aiden checking in on her, making sure all was well and she was okay.
Aiden: I don’t need you to respond, just making sure you are fine. Whatever is going on, keep an open mind and listen. I love you.
She looked back at her father.
“Dad, is it okay if I come by Monday afternoon? I have to meet two new clients at the gym, a couple, for a personal training session that morning.”
“Of course you can come.”
“Maybe all of us can have lunch… you know, when Mom is here, too?”
His eyes glimmered. “I think your mother would like that very much, I know I would.”
She rose from the table and went to wrap her arms around the man and kiss him on the cheek. He patted her arm and smiled, but deep within, she had no doubt they both hurt so deeply. When she started to leave, he called out to her.
“Addison.”
“Yes, Dad?”
“One day, you will have children of your own.”
“Oh, Dad,” She smiled and shook her head. “I don’t know about all of that.”
He raised a hand to stop her. “No, listen to me,” he said, his tone serious. “One day, you’ll understand the hurt that comes with being a parent… when you have to admit that you made mistakes in raising them. Perfection and parenting both begin with the letter ‘p’, but they live nowhere near one another, not even on the same block. We do the best we can, and each child is different, so how you talk to them and treat them can vary, too. You’ll be sorry many times before they reach adulthood, but you’ll probably never say sorry for loving them with all that you have within you, because you don’t owe that child an apology for loving them so hard! One day, Addison, the words that I can’t say right now, the things I can’t explain to you, will make sense. My parents, your grandparents, grew up dirt poor, but worked hard so that when they got married and had me and my sister, we never wanted for anything. But they instilled in us that even financial success didn’t mean you could treat people any way you wished, that you needed to have honor and respect, and you needed to be humble.
“Because of how they raised us, I wanted to ensure that my children had the same privileges. I have never told you some of the adversities I faced and perhaps I should have. I wanted to protect you. It wasn’t a prideful reason, I wanted you to believe you and your sisters could have it all, despite being African American young ladies in a racist and misogynistic society. It was hard enough being Black in America, Addison. Having to explain to cops who pulled me over why my car was so fancy, being accused of stealing my suits, hats, and watch. Having people cut their eyes at me with resentment and tell me I spoke well for a Black man! Being asked to sing or dance, mistaken for a shoeshine boy while in the airport, having my Master’s degree questioned for authenticity! Not believing me when I explained that I didn’t have any children out of wedlock! Your mother was mistaken for a cleaning lady when she pulled up in her own driveway one day. Someone had the wrong address and was on our property!
“The stories I could tell you, Addison… it would take hours to recite each one. These things don’t just happen in the South. Seattle is supposed to be progressive, and yet, it is happening here, too, and it will continue to happen as long as people need someone to feel better than because their own self-esteem and self-worth is in the shitter! I never wanted you to have that! I never wished for you and your sisters to have to apologize for being you! For being successful! For living well! You and your sisters are our pride and joy. So, when you go down in the dumps, you need to remember that you take us down with you! When your heart breaks, so does mine, a million times over… Your cries are heard as though atop a mountain, echoing, and we hear them! Oh, honey, don’t you understand?!”
Her heart beat inside her chest so hard, it hurt. She fought the tears, begged them not to come as she simply stood there, shaking, staring at the man, hearing things from him that were brand new and tragic.
“I’m trying to understand, Dad. I am!” She walked back over to him, and he stood from his seat and held her hand as he looked into her eyes. Into her soul.