"W-what?" I was still too startled to take in his words.
"Ryiah. I'm so proud of you!" Ian rushed forward to embrace me and then stepped back awkwardly. "Sorry," he said quickly, his face reddening. "I keep forgetting you need time to make your decision…"
"She won't have much of it."
Ian's eyes shot to the prince and I found my own doing the same. "What are you talking about?" His eyes narrowed.
The non-heir gave an innocent wave of his hand. "One of the Combat mages dropped out from the mission so Commander Chen decided to have a second apprentice participate as well."
"And who would that be?" Ian's arms were folded and his eyes flared angrily. "Ryiah?"
Darren's smile didn't waiver.
"You rigged this!" Ian spat.
Darren raised a brow incredulously. "And how would I do that? How was I to know that Ryiah would perform so well?"
No one said anything. But I knew what they were thinking. They were just too nice to say it aloud. I hadn't really ranked second. Darren must have told Byron to do it and then talked one of the regiment mages into withdrawing.
The non-heir gave an exasperated sigh. "I didn't do anything."
"But I bet Byron would," I said quietly. "I bet he would if you suggested it."
The prince's eyes met mine, amused. "That is probably true," he conceded. Then, feigning a yawn he stepped away from our group in the direction of the barracks. "Well, I must get to packing, as fun as our little conversation has been." His eyes fell to me and the corner of his lip twitched. "Perhaps you should too, Ryiah… What was it I heard Commander Chen say? Oh yes, we should expect to be deployed for a month." Before any one of us could realize what he had said the prince was gone.
"A month?" Alex repeated, dumbfounded. "A whole month?"
Ella turned to me, eyes worried. "That's a long time, Ry."
But I wasn't paying any attention. I was watching Ian who had ripped the paper he was clutching into a hundred tiny pieces with his fists balled white around them. His eyes were red but he said nothing. A moment later he turned and started toward the docks.
My eyes followed him guiltily and Ella sighed. "Poor Ian."
"You need to talk to him." Alex locked eyes with me. "You can't leave him like this."
I stayed where I was, unwilling or unable to move, I wasn't sure. "I – I can't."
"Ry," my twin said matter-of-factly, "you cannot leave Ian to spend a month wondering if you return his sentiment while you are at sea with Darren." He threw his hands up quickly in defense of my frown. "I know, I know - you want more time… But you need to make that decision now. Do not make him sit at home wondering if you are falling in love with someone else. You've already hurt Ian enough: tell the lad yes, or tell him no – but do it now. You owe Ian that courtesy... Even if you don't think you are ready."
Ella pulled my brother aside. "Alex, it's not that simple for her."
I placed a hand on my friend's wrist. "No, it's fine, Ella. He's right. You both are. I thought I could run away…" I took a deep breath. "But if Darren's traveling with me then Alex is right. I have to choose."
"Who…?" Ella made herself stop before she could finish the question.
My lungs were breaking, but I willed myself to ignore it.
My brother pulled me in for a tight hug. "I know you'll do the right thing," he whispered. Then he brightened. "Just think, a month at sea on a secret mission. Imagine all the stories you'll be able to tell us when you return, Ry."
I willed myself to smile and failed.
"Do you want me to walk with you to the docks?" Ella offered hesitantly.
I shook my head, straight red locks falling across my eyes. For what I was about to do next, I needed to be alone.
****
"Ian."
The curly haired fourth-year whirled around, hazel-green eyes meeting mine in frustration. He had been standing next to the docks, staring out at the ships with his hands shoved in his pockets.
"It isn't fair - you going away with him," the fourth-year declared bitterly. "I know why you haven't made a decision, Ry. I'd be a fool not to see it." His eyes burned. "And now you'll be spending every day with Darren while he convinces you to choose him instead."
"Ian." My chest tightened and the words that were so close died on my lips.
"He's a prince," the fourth-year persisted, "and he's a better apprentice than me. How am I supposed to compete with that? You fell for him first and, I know, I knew that when I started courting you… but I kept telling myself that it didn't matter, that I would make you forget. But you never did… And, yes, I know you don't want me to say these things now…" He ran a hand through his hair in frustration. "But, Ry, if you go away with him I know you won't be mine when you return."
I couldn't speak; my lips were like ice and my tongue was suddenly too heavy to lift.
Ian took a step closer, bridging the gap of space between us. He took my hand in his and gently tilted my chin upward so that I was forced to meet his sober gaze.