The downside of being so close to his heart right now is that I hear it, feel it beating rapidly. It should be his secret—how he feels around me—and it suddenly doesn’t seem fair that I know his secret.
Because now I do. I know. I know that I affect him the very same way he affects me. I know that when I brought my hands around him, his heart started hammering against his chest. I felt it—trying to escape—and how it seemed to skip a beat when I pulled him just a tiny bit closer. I realize everything has changed. This one minute, this moment, has changed everything. Because it isn’t normal to hug your boss like this. And it’s not normal to breathe in their scent over and over. It’s definitely not normal to be so affected by the slightest dip in hand positioning.
I don’t think either one of us wants to pull away. It’s been so nice, here in Nick’s arms, and once we pull apart, it’s back to real life. It’s back to Evianna the employee and Nick the employer. A line has been traversed, but I don’t expect either of us to actually do anything about it. Not yet, anyways. It’s just one moment in a sea of moments—one small change in a sea of changes.
I pull away first. Luckily, I have the excuse of wiping my eyes and looking down. I don’t dare to meet his eyes. I’m afraid of what they’ll say.
“The cupcakes,” I say softly. I decide to look up, and his eyes, his beautiful, honey-brown eyes are so emotionally charged. He felt it. If his heartbeat wasn’t enough proof, this definitely is. He licks his lips and studies my face. His eyes bore into mine, and for one delightful moment, I think he might kiss me. The way he’s looking at my lips…
“What?” he says, not taking his eyes off of me. Suddenly, he wakes up. He straightens up and clears his throat. The moment is officially over. “Oh.” He shakes his head, like he’s shaking something off of him. “Right.”
We both move to open the oven, and we end up bumping into each other.
“Sorry.” I laugh.
“No, I’m sorry,” he says, gesturing for me to go first.
I shoot him a bashful look and lean down, pulling the tray out with a dishtowel.
Perfect.
I set the tray on the stove and go to turn the oven off. I hang the towel back on the rack and poke one of the cupcakes with a toothpick. It comes out clean, just like I suspected. When I turn around to throw the toothpick away, I catch Nick looking at me.
It stops me in my tracks.
He looks perplexed, like he’s unsure of how he’s supposed to look, act, feel… he just stares at me with a furrowed brow. He’s leaning against the kitchen island, and his hand is caressing his mouth. He’s watching me like he’s trying to figure me out. His lips grow tight, masking a smile.
He looks bewildered.
Oh, Nick. You bewilder me, too.
This whole situation bewilders me.
“Frosting?” I ask innocently.
His eyes dart to a small mixing bowl on the island. I go over and I realize, amused, that the frosting is homemade, too.
“I’d wait ten minutes, or else the frosting will melt,” he says. It’s a simple sentence, yet the way he says it makes me think there’s a deeper meaning in his words.
“Okay,” I acquiesce. I set the bowl down. “I didn’t know you were such a cupcake connoisseur.”
“There are a lot of things you don’t know about me, Evianna.”
My eyes dart up to his, and he’s watching me raptly.
I cringe and look down at the floor, leaning back against the stove. My mind plays dirty tricks on me. He didn’t mean anything by that comment.
Or did he?
I decide that since we’ve crossed a physical boundary already, might as well cross an emotional one.