I did. I tried to kill myself. I actually prayed for death.
All this time, I’d been running from a killer, terrified they’d come back to finish the job.
I was running from myself. Scared of myself.
Oh, I was so much more fucked up than I ever could have imagined.
“Amnesia!” a familiar voice yelled in the distance. “Amnesia!”
I perked up, forgetting momentarily about the memory swamping my brain. “Eddie!” I screamed.
“Shut up!” Widow West shrieked and swung the oar at me again.
I was ready for it this time, though, and caught the end before it could smack me. The force of the blow rattled my body and made my arms ache, but I held firm, stopping the hit and throwing all my bodyweight into shoving her and the oar back.
She stumbled and tripped over the side of the canoe, her body making a splash when she hit.
“Eddie!” I screamed again before turning back to where she fell in the water.
“Am!” he roared. “Where are you?”
The widow was sputtering and splashing around. Her angry yells barely registered as I scouted around the bottom of the boat, feeling through the darkness for anything I could use to signal where I was.
The low hum of what sounded like a motor sounded in the distance, and hope spread through my chest that it was him and he was coming for me as fast as he could.
Hope. Not a feeling that was gone forever after all. Maybe all I needed was to forget how it felt to have none at all.
My hand closed around something slim and cold. A sound of triumph slipped from my lips as I found the button and clicked on the flashlight.
“Here!” I yelled, waving the light around madly, trying to signal where I was.
The boat rocked, and I fell backward. The light slipped from my hands, dropping into the bottom of the boat. Widow West was attempting to pull herself over the side. Grappling for the flashlight, I used it to smash down over her hands.
She cried out in pain and dropped back into the water. Clicking the light, I glanced around for the second oar so I could use it to get away from her. But there wasn’t one; the one and only oar had gone overboard.
Using the light to create a spotlight on the dark, murky water, I sought out the paddle. It wasn’t hard to find. The widow was using it as a floatation device as she stared daggers at me.
“Give me the oar,” I ground out.
She laughed.
I reached for it, trying to pull it from beneath her, but she swam backward, out of arm’s reach. Frustration welled in me, but the sound of a boat drawing closer made me forget about it. I surged around and began waving the light again.
A shape appeared in the dark. It was a light spot against all the black, and my heart leapt. I screamed his name and waved my arms wildly, ignoring the dizziness in my head and the pain in my crushed fingers.
The canoe began rocking as the boat approached, made a wide turn, and the engine cut. Silence settled over the night, with the exception of the moving water.
“Am,” Eddie called across the short distance. “Thank Christ. Are you hurt?”
“I’m fine. What about you?”
“Fine now that I have eyes on you,” he said. “I can’t get much closer,” he explained. “I need you to swim over to me.”
I nodded, tossed down the flashlight, and prepared to jump in.
The widow emerged from the depths, somehow throwing herself into the canoe. I stumbled and fell under the unsteady movements of the boat. Mrs. West leapt on top of me, her hands going to my throat.
“I don’t care what he says!” She raged. “I’ll kill you!”
Her eyes were nearly popping out of her head, the wet strands of her hair in clumps around her face and shoulders. Her icy fingers wrapped around my neck. It was as if she were coming apart right before my eyes.
I felt sorry for her. She was evil and nasty, but I knew she was a victim. Just like me.
Clawing at her hands, I tried to buck her off. The boat rocked madly, and Eddie called my name. There was a splash off to the side, and I knew he abandoned his boat and leapt in to come to my aid.
Fear she would hurt him again provided me a surge of adrenaline, and I rolled, knocking her sideways, sliding out from beneath her. I jumped up, ran to the end of the boat, and searched for Eddie in the dark.
“Here!” he said. “C’mon!”
He was only a few feet from where I stood, motioning for me to jump. I did, but an arm snaked around my waist and yanked me back.
Frustrated, I yelled, swung around, and grabbed handfuls of the widow’s hair, shaking her violently. Our struggles were no match for the unsteady boat, and the entire vessel flipped over, plunging us both into the murky waves.
Water tugged at my clothes and hair, wrapping around my limbs in a caress, as if it were trying to convince me to stay.
Maybe once upon a time… back when I was a different girl. Back when I had nothing to live for.
That was then. An entire lifetime ago.
I had so much to live for now.
Kicking my feet, I surged upward, feeling a little out of sorts as I searched for the surface. Everything looked the same down here; the surface was just as dark as the depths.
Panic assailed me. I was lost, unable to find my way to the top.
Just as I realized how badly I wanted to live, death was reaching out its greedy fingers as if it decided it was finally my time to die.
It was eleven years ago all over again.
I watched the boat pitch and rock until she was flung backward into the deep. I screamed her name, watched the surface frantically…
But she never appeared.
Not again. Not fucking again.
Wild, I dove into the water, slicing my arms through the current, searching for a sign of her. In the back of my mind, a clock was ticking. It was the loudest sound I ever heard. It was counting down the seconds I had to find her until I lost her a second time.
My lungs were stinging, begging for air. Angry, I started to kick for the surface, when a flash of color in the dirty depths caught the corner of my eye. Pushing back the urge to breathe, I changed direction and shouted into the water when I saw her struggling not too far away.
I could see the weariness in her body, the way her limbs were trying to give out.
Hang on, baby, I urged silently and gave a great kick to propel myself forward.
My arm wrapped around her waist, and I towed her up toward the surface as black spots began to swim before my eyes. The second air touched my lips, I breathed greedily, hefting her body against my chest.
“It’s okay, Am. I got you now,” I told her between great gulps.
She didn’t reply, and I realized her body was limp against mine.
Adrenaline surged in me again. I snatched her chin and peered down at her face. Her eyes were closed, her skin pale. I swam like a madman toward the boat, begging her to hold on just a little bit longer.