“This isn’t about me. This is about the company.” I’m barely holding on to the threads of my temper. “What the fuck do you want me to say?”
Selene puts her hands on her hips. “I want you to tell me how you can look me in the eyes and tell me you love me, and then days later push me aside like I mean nothing to you.”
And there it is again. The crushing weight. The fear. The certainty that I can never be the man she needs. She waits, her eyes intent on me, but I don’t answer. I don’t know how to make her understand.
“No? I didn’t think so. I’ll stay as long as it takes to pass off my responsibilities to others, but then I’m leaving. Believe me, this is not what I wanted. I loved it here. But there is no way I can come to work every day and see you. I thought maybe I was strong enough to do it, but I’m not.”
She walks over to her chair and leans down to pick up her things. I catch sight of something at her throat, just beneath her shirt collar.
“Goodbye, Ronan,” she says.
I watch her go, but I saw it, and it’s like getting hit upside the head with a board. She’s wearing the necklace I bought her.
30: Selene
I already regret this date.
In a fit of anger after Ronan dared to offer me a promotion, I accepted an invitation to dinner from a guy I met in a coffee shop near my house. I’d seen him there before, but never talked to him. When he asked if I’d join him for dinner, I was still so pissed off at Ronan that I said yes.
Josh seems like a nice guy, but I never should have come out with him. I was honest about the fact that I literally just got out of a relationship, and he said he didn’t mind. If anything, he looked relieved. Even though he’s the one who approached me, I get the feeling he’s as reluctant about going on a date as I am. In a way, that was part of what made me accept. I felt like he and I could have a pleasant meal together without there being pressure to worry about what would come next.
But he had to choose the restaurant where Ronan interrupted my date with Aidan all those months ago. And the hostess just seated us at the same table.
I feel like this is a really bad sign.
My phone dings and I pull it out of my purse. “Sorry, I should have turned the sound off.” It’s a text from Kylie.
Where are you?
“Let me guess,” Josh says. “You have a friend ready to text you with a fake emergency in case you need an excuse to leave.”
I laugh while I send Kylie a reply. Date. Chase’s Bar and Grill. Why? “Not exactly. It is my friend, but she was just asking where I am. She probably stopped by my house and wondered.”
Josh rubs his chin and looks away. “Listen, I need to be honest with you. I know this is strange, considering I invited you, but I’m not sure I should have done that.”
Despite the fact that I’m not sure either, it’s still a little disappointing to hear. “Oh, I’m sorry. I guess … we don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”
“I’m crazy, right?” he says. “I mean, look at you.”
I glance down. I’m wearing a simple black dress with the necklace Ronan gave me at my throat. I should probably stop wearing it, but the meaning is so special. I think of my parents every time I put it on, and not in a way that makes me sad. It makes me feel like they’re still watching out for me, strange as that sounds.
“You’re really, really beautiful,” Josh continues. “But things in my life are uncertain right now, and I’m not sure if dating anyone is a good idea. I feel bad, because I asked you to dinner, and now here I am telling you I probably shouldn’t have. I’ll be honest, my brother has been pressuring me into dating and that’s why I asked you.”
I laugh and Josh’s eyebrows raise in surprise. “I’m sorry. I’m not laughing at you. I was just sitting here thinking I probably shouldn’t have agreed to come out with you tonight. It’s way too soon for me.”
His shoulders relax and he smiles. “Tell you what, then. We’re here. We might as well eat.”
I glance at my phone one more time, wondering what’s up with Kylie, but she hasn’t replied. I put my phone back in my purse and go back to perusing the menu.
Josh and I order and start to chat. He confesses that his wife left him and their divorce was finalized recently. I find myself telling him about Ronan—some of it, at least. I don’t mention the fact that he was my boss, nor that I told Ronan I quit but haven’t yet put in official notice. I should. I need to be able to tell the rest of the office that I’m leaving, but I haven’t been able to bring myself to make the announcement yet.
Josh is sympathetic and understanding. Our food arrives, and it’s quite good. Despite the fact that neither of us want this to be a date, it’s nice to be out of the house and having a conversation with someone. I feel a bit more like myself than I have in a while.
“Excuse me,” someone says behind me, and I almost drop my fork.
He can’t be serious.