She finishes her part, and opens the floor to questions. She and I hadn’t planned the meeting beyond this point, but she stays up front, taking questions and directing them to the engineers when necessary. I let her take the lead. She’s relaxed and competent, and there’s nothing more I need to do until the hand-shaking at the end.
I take it as a good sign that they have so many questions. I answer a few, and the engineers get a chance to talk about their recent developments. I sense a great deal of interest. We don’t have an agreement yet, but we will. I can sense the deal closing.
It will take weeks before we have a signed contract, but it’s going to happen. I can feel it.
I should be in the midst of an adrenaline rush, fueling my high. But Selene’s voice lodges itself deep inside me, her proximity like a tiny hammer knocking inside my skull. I realize I’d counted on her not being here. She’s hardly been in the office, and I’ve been waiting for her to turn in her notice any day. I certainly haven’t given her any reasons to stay.
But here she is, knocking the socks off everyone in this room, myself included. And I’m hit with such a raging storm of emotions, it’s all I can do to say the right things to close up the meeting and assure them we’ll have copies of the official proposal to everyone by morning.
After what feels like an eternity, the meeting ends and our guests file out. Selene lingers, standing at the head of the large table, thumbing through her notes like she has a reason to stay. I wait behind, nodding to Sarah as she heads back to her desk, and close the door behind her.
Selene looks up at the sound of the door closing. Her eyebrows lift, like she’s surprised I’m still here.
It all came to me in a rush as I watched her. I know what I need to do.
“Can I talk to you?” I ask.
“Sure,” she says.
“Selene, I realize this has been difficult,” I say. “But there’s something I should have done a while ago.”
She keeps her eyes on the table. “What’s that?”
“I want to offer you a promotion,” I say. “Make you VP of Operations.”
Selene turns her face toward me, her brow furrowed. “What?”
“After that presentation, no one will question where this is coming from,” I say. “You deserve this. It’s what you do already; I’m just catching up with your title.”
“Is this supposed to fix everything?” she asks.
“This isn’t about us,” I say. “This is about you and the company. This is where you should be. You’re the heart and soul of this place.”
“I’m leaving,” she says. “I was going to wait to tell you, but I’m planning on giving my notice.”
I don’t just hear her words; I feel them. Right in the center of my chest, as if they reverberate through me. I knew this would happen, but I hoped I could head her off. I hoped I could salvage this before she left for good.
Fuck.
“Don’t do that, Selene,” I say. “Don’t leave because of me.”
“You tell me you love me, then you break up with me, and now you want to promote me?” she asks. “You’re insane, Ronan. I don’t know how you think I can trust a word you say.”
“I never lied to you.”
“Don’t,” she says, holding up a finger. “Don’t even do that to me. The game is over, so you can cut the bullshit. You wanted what you couldn’t have, and once you got it, you were ready to move onto the next challenge.”
“That’s not true—”
“What happened, then?” she asks. “Because from where I’m standing, things got too intense for you, and you bailed.”
She’s hitting way too close to the truth. Smack in the middle of it, in fact. But she still has the wrong idea. I don’t have an answer, so I just turn away.
“You don’t want a future with me, fine,” she says. “But how you think I could stay here is beyond me. I don’t give a shit what titles you dangle in front of me.”
“I’m not fucking with you,” I say. “This promotion is what you deserve for your work here. It doesn’t have anything to do with what happened between us.”
“Why do you want me to stay, Ronan?” she asks, meeting my eyes.
It’s hard to hold her gaze. “Because you’re what this company needs,” I say.
She shakes her head. “The company. Of course. But not you. I’m not what you need.”
“Have you not heard a word I’ve said?” I ask. “I can’t be what you need. Not the other way around.”
“Why?”
I look away.
“No? You claim to fear nothing, but you’re too scared to tell me the truth,” she says. “And who are you to make that choice for me? You don’t get to decide what I need. I get to make that call. God, I’m so fucking sick of men who think they know what’s best for me. What am I, some sort of fragile little flower? I’m a grown woman, Ronan, and I’m perfectly capable of making my own decisions.”
“If I had any doubts about you, I wouldn’t be offering you this position,” I say. “You are a strong, competent woman, and we need you here.”
“The company does. But not you.”