“What are you talking about?” I ask. “Skydiving was my idea—”
“It’s not the fucking skydiving,” he says, his voice low. He gets up and turns to the window. “I’m not what you need, Selene. I can’t be what you need.”
My chest tightens. “What are you saying?”
He puts his hands in his pockets and stares out the window. “I’m not right for you. I can’t be the man you need me to be.”
I stand there like an idiot, watching him, my mouth hanging open. He’s breaking up with me. He’s fucking breaking up with me.
Tears burn my eyes, but I swallow hard to regain my composure. I refuse to lose my cool in the office, no matter what happens. I take a deep breath to make sure I’ll be able to speak clearly.
“Why?” My own question takes me by surprise. It isn’t what I meant to say.
“I just can’t.”
“That’s not an answer.” I can’t keep the edge from my tone.
“It’s all I have. I made a mistake with you. We work together, and I pushed you into this. I shouldn’t have.”
“So, that’s it?” I ask. “You’re ending it, just like that?”
He doesn’t answer. Just stands there, looking out the goddamn window.
If he won’t answer me, I won’t say anything else either. I turn and walk out the door.
By the time I get to my office, I’m shaking. I don’t even pretend I’m going to stay. I gather up my things and head straight for the elevator. My heart races and I feel like I can’t breathe, but I keep my face completely still. I’m sure I have massive resting bitch face right now, but it’s a hell of a lot better than breaking down in tears in front of everyone I work with.
I get home, and rather than feeling like I need to have a sob fest on my couch with a bottle of wine and a tub of ice cream, I’m strangely calm. Empty. I’m hollowed out, like I left everything in Ronan’s office. He gutted me with those words, and didn’t leave enough behind that I can feel anything anymore.
Usually when I get dumped, the first thing I do is call Kylie. She comes over and we drink too much and badmouth the asshole who screwed me over. But this time I leave my phone in my purse, and don’t even text her.
This time, it’s different. Ronan was different.
I’ve heard men tell me they were crazy about me. I’ve had men promise me the world. Even when I thought I was crazy about them too, I never really believed them. Deep down, I saw them for who they were. I knew they’d wind up leaving me. But when Ronan said it—when he said he loved me—I actually believed him.
Out of nowhere, the tears come. I sink down onto my couch and close my eyes, letting them trail hot tracks down my face. I’ve never been hurt like this before. Not by the guy who was cheating on me. Not by the guy who ditched me for his ex while he was on a date with me. Not even by the guy who planned to move in with me, then decided he couldn’t handle the commitment. I thought I’d had my heart broken before, but none of those men had my heart to begin with. They couldn’t break it. I was disappointed and hurt when those relationships ended, but I was usually more upset with myself for trusting them in the first place.
Ronan had my heart. I bared my soul to him, offered him all of me. I thought he wanted it. I thought he’d take care of me, be gentle with my fragile pieces.
Apparently he can’t.
27: Selene
I don’t go into the office for the rest of the week. I can’t face it. I work from home just enough to keep up, but it’s hard to stay focused. Kylie and I do our usual get drunk after a breakup thing, and Braxton fumes with anger for a while until we convince him to drink with us. But my heart really isn’t in it. I don’t want to sit around and badmouth Ronan, and I wake up with a wicked hangover the next day. I love Ky and Brax for it ,though. They’re always there when I need them.
Some people say rules are meant to be broken—or at least bent—but in this case, I should have stuck to my no dating coworkers rule. I don’t care how intense an attraction I felt for Ronan. It blew up in my face, exactly like I thought it would.
Back at work on Monday, I have a momentary panic in the elevator. Is everyone going to know? Are they going to watch me walk by and turn to whisper to each other as soon as they think I’m out of earshot?
Did you see Selene Taylor? She was having this crazy affair with the boss, but he dumped her, and then she showed up at work a total mess.