I nodded. The health class textbook called it intercourse, but the book’s drawings didn’t look anything like real fucking.
“Well, those are the pills I take so I don’t get pregnant. Because a lot of guys don’t like to use condoms. Your daddy sure doesn’t. Anyway, that’s what those pills are for. Now, let’s put some makeup on you. Is that okay? If I touch you?”
I shook my head. I didn’t want to be mean, but there were rules. Liam touched Sandy, and if she touched me, it might be the same thing as Liam touching me.
“Well, maybe I can show you and you can put it on yourself.”
Sandy showed me how to use the little wand to smudge on eye shadow. She gave me lipstick, too, but I didn’t like the idea of touching the tube to my mouth.
“Well, you can rub your finger on it and put it on your lips,” she said.
I did it that way, using my little finger to smooth the pink stuff on my lips.
“Don’t you look pretty? Oh and your ring! Where did that come from? Are you—are you supposed to be wearing that?” Sandy frowned.
“Kellen.” It was the one word that was always safe to say.
“Kellen gave you that?”
The rule was that only people Kellen knew could know about the ring. That meant Sandy was safe.
“We’re getting married,” I said.
Sandy giggled and clapped her hand over her mouth.
“Are you teasing me? Because that’s the only thing you’ve ever said to me besides no.”
To show her, I did what Kellen did: kissed the ring. My lips left behind a little smudge of pink on the diamond.
“Wow. It’s gorgeous. That’s your engagement ring? He must really love you if he bought you that. So you—you love him, too?”
I nodded. Sandy looked like she was going to cry, but she rubbed her nose and laughed.
“That’s really sweet. You’re lucky. He must love you a lot.”
I was careless, listening to her and not paying attention to anything else.
“Sandy?” Liam called down the hallway.
I shook my head to warn her, but she answered: “Yeah, baby?”
He was almost outside the door, saying, “Where’ve you been? I gotta get on the road.”
The only choice was the closet. I stepped into it, but it was so full I could only wriggle into the perfume-and-smoke-smelling clothes. I didn’t even have time to close the door. I crouched down, holding my breath, and watched the bedroom door open.
Under the edge of Sandy’s clothes, I saw Liam’s legs. He wore jeans with creases down the fronts, and shiny red, pointy-toed cowboy boots.
“I gotta go. Kellen’s waiting on me,” he said.
“Where are you going?” Sandy said.
“I told you. Business.”
“Yeah, but business or business?”
“Don’t get smart with me.” Liam shoved Sandy down on the edge of the bed. That was what happened if you got smart with him.
“Ow,” she said.
“I don’t need Kellen to help me take care of business.”
“Asshole.”
Liam grabbed her hair and pulled. He liked to pull hair, as much as Kellen liked to pet it.
“Come on, baby. Don’t be that way. Why don’t you do a little something for me before I go?”
“Maybe I don’t want to.”
He let go of her hair and put his hands on his belt.
“You don’t want to or you won’t? ’Cause maybe Dee will.”
Sandy sat there, squeezing her hands together on her lap. Then she slid off the bed onto her knees.
“That’s right, Sandy, baby. Why don’t you suck it the way I like?”
I knew what cocksucking was. I’d seen it before. In Kellen’s magazines. At a party. Once I saw Mama do it with a man I didn’t know. It made my stomach nervous, because the mouth was a dirty place. A dangerous place. A way for people to get into you. Not safe, and Liam wasn’t nice. He made Sandy gag and say, “Ow, don’t, Liam. I’m doing it the way you like.”
After he made her cry, Liam said nice things. He told Sandy how beautiful she was and how much he loved her. That’s what he always did after he hurt you. Then he pulled up his pants and left. I listened for the sound of the door closing, for him going down the hallway. I listened for Kellen, too, but he must have been outside already.
When I crawled out of the closet, Sandy was sitting on the bed, wiping her eyes. She looked up and said, “Oh, Jesus, honey. I forgot you were here. Did you—did you see that?”
I shrugged.
Sandy sniffled. “I guess you’re getting your education tonight. It’s not always like that. He’s good to me, but he gets in these moods.”
I knew about Liam’s moods.