“This is definitely the end,” Thistle noted when she caught sight of the woman. “She’s cast Aunt Willa in this one. There must be a reason.”
“She’s Aunt Tillie’s ultimate enemy,” I agreed. “I’m guessing she’s the prosecuting attorney. It only makes sense that it would be Aunt Willa pushing her on the stand when she gets her big moment.”
“Oh, well, this might be fun.” Landon gave Aunt Willa a pinched smile. “How are you, ma’am?”
“The name is Ima Doodyhead,” Aunt Willa barked. “I’ll be the one making sure that Alexis Kane finally pays for the damage she’s done to this world.”
I tried to keep a straight face. No, really I did. The second my gaze snagged with Thistle’s, though, we burst into hysterical laughter.
“Ima Doodyhead? That’s probably the best name I’ve heard since I got to this place.” I felt Landon’s shoulders shaking with silent laughter as he tugged me back against him. “Well, Ms. Doodyhead, how can we be of assistance?”
“You’ll all be taking the stand,” she replied. “We need your testimony to make sure that Alexis doesn’t manage to walk away … again.”
“Just out of curiosity, how many times has she been on trial?” Landon asked.
“Thirty-six.”
“Of course.” Landon pressed the heel of his hand to his forehead. “What do you want us to do?”
“I merely want you to tell the truth when it’s your turn on the stand.”
“And that’s it?”
“That’s it.”
Landon exchanged a weighted look with me before nodding in capitulation. “Okay then. Let’s start testifying.”
SAM WAS UP FIRST.
It made sense. Aunt Tillie wanted to build tension, so that meant she was saving those of us she really wanted to torture until the end. I knew I’d be one of the last to go. I figured Thistle might be the ultimate witness. There was a good chance it might be Landon, too. I wasn’t sure which outcome would serve us better.
As for Sam, he looked so tired I almost felt sorry for him.
“What can you tell us about your interaction with Ms. Kane?” Aunt Willa asked, pacing the floor between Sam and Aunt Tillie. Aunt Tillie sat in a huge reclining chair behind the defense table, what looked to be an entire team of high-priced lawyers helping her along, and she appeared more amused than worried.
“I have no idea,” Sam answered. “You need to be more specific.”
“Okay, more specifically, what did you see at the cabin when you went with your friends to apprehend Ms. Kane?”
“Oh, well, her more evil triplet led us to the cabin and then magically disappeared at the same time her most evil triplet took off in the woods. Then she walked out of the cabin with a ray gun and Thistle tackled her. Then we miraculously ended up here.”
“And who is Thistle?”
“Oh, right.” Sam searched his memory. “Cora Devane. She tackled Ms. Kane.”
Aunt Willa smiled. “Thank you. No further questions.”
“That’s it?” Sam moved to stand, but a member of Aunt Tillie’s dream team held up a hand to still him. “That’s not all. I should’ve known.”
“I have just one question.” The man had broad shoulders and a bushy beard, sparkplug eyebrows and a smarmy smile. I disliked him on sight. “I’m Reginald Winthrop Warren Windbag Jr.,” he introduced himself. “I’m lead counsel for Ms. Kane.”
“Your name is Windbag?” Sam smiled. “That’s just … awesome.”
Reginald ignored the dig. “As I said, I have only one question for you.”
“Great.”
“How long have you hated the defendant?”
Whatever question Sam was expecting, that clearly wasn’t it. “I don’t hate her.”
“Do you like her?”
“Not right now.”
“So how long have you hated her?”
Sam shrugged. “About three hours.”
“No more questions, your honor.”
“You may take your seat, Mr. Wharton.”
The judge spoke for the first time, and I couldn’t help smiling when I recognized Chief Terry. He looked grave, a gavel gripped in his hand as if he were really listening, and I found the entire scene adorable.
“He’s a vampire by night and a judge by day,” I mused. “That’s kind of fun.”
“Yes, I can’t wait to tell him about it.” Landon tightened his grip on my hand. “One down. Five to go.”
“Six to go,” I corrected. “Aunt Tillie has to take the stand, too. She’ll be the finale.”
“I can’t wait for that.”
MARCUS’ QUESTIONS WERE EVEN sparser than the ones hurled at Sam.
“How is it that you grew to be so handsome?” Aunt Willa asked.
“Just lucky, I guess.”
“No further questions, your honor.”
“I have no questions for this witness,” Reginald said.
Thistle made a disgusted face. “I always knew he was her favorite. She’s not even torturing him a little bit.”
“You sound disappointed about that,” Landon said dryly.
“It’s not fair.”
“Life isn’t fair,” I supplied. “Didn’t Aunt Tillie always tell us that?”
Thistle wasn’t about to be appeased. “I’m totally going to choke that old woman to death when we get home. I’m not kidding. I’m really going to do it this time.”
We both knew it wasn’t true, but it was a nice thought.
CLOVE WAS A BUNDLE OF nerves when it was her turn. She squirmed as she tried to get comfortable on the witness stand. Aunt Willa’s stance was much more aggressive when she approached.
“Ms. Cramer, what can you tell us about your interaction with the accused?”
“Not much,” Clove replied. “She’s been mean and weird … and she stole a diamond. I’m not even sure I understand most of this world. I think you should ask someone else, because I don’t like being up here.”
“You have to answer the questions being posed,” Chief Terry ordered. “That’s your responsibility as a witness.”
“I don’t like it when people stare at me,” Clove shot back.
“Well, that’s too bad.” Chief Terry was firm. “You must testify. If you don’t, I’ll hold you in contempt of court.”
Clove did exactly as I expected and burst into tears. They weren’t real, of course. She could’ve been a soap opera actress, given her propensity for manipulating emotions. She’d been perfecting the art of crying on cue since we were kids. She’d gotten quite good at it.
“Why on earth are you crying?” Aunt Willa complained.
“I’m not crying.” Clove swiped at her cheeks. “My eyes are leaking.”
“That’s not going to get you out of answering questions.”
Clove looked to Chief Terry to see if that was true. In typical fashion, he folded like a shirt on a clothing store display rack at the sight of her tears.
“She’s done,” Chief Terry announced.
“I’m not done with her,” Aunt Willa argued.
“And I haven’t even had a chance to talk to her,” Reginald challenged.
“And yet she’s still done.” Chief Terry was firm. “Witness dismissed.”
Clove kept her back to Chief Terry as she walked toward us. She looked smugger than Aunt Tillie. “I guess I handled that, huh?”
I guess she did.
TO MY SURPRISE, THISTLE was called next. She was absolutely furious when she realized what was happening.
“I knew it!” She stomped her foot as she stood.
“You knew what?” Landon asked.
“I knew that you guys were the leading lady and main hero in this story. Why else do you think I’m being called now?”
“I don’t understand.” Landon looked to me for an explanation.
“You’re the leading lady and man,” Thistle spat. “That’s why you haven’t been called yet. I thought there was a chance I would be the last called, which would mean I’m the leading lady, but it didn’t happen.” She turned and glared at Aunt Tillie. “You and I are going to throw down, old lady!”
Aunt Tillie wasn’t bothered. “That sounds delightful. Now, hurry up. I’m getting bored watching you guys testify. I want to get to the part where I testify.”
“So get to it,” Thistle shot back. “What do you expect us to say? You know everything we saw. You know how agitated we are. Why not go up there, say what you want to say, and put an end to this?”