I shot him a withering look. “Really? After you’ve screwed it up you want me to swoop in and smooth things over? Why isn’t that surprising?”
“Hey, I’m doing the best I can.” Landon wagged a finger in my face. “I’m still traumatized from the wedding that never was.”
I made a face, although it didn’t last because his expression was far too charming. “You’re incorrigible sometimes.”
“That’s why you love me.” Landon looked back to Thistle. “I shouldn’t have said that. I’m sure you have plenty to show off. I’m not looking, mind you, but I’m sure you do.”
Thistle rolled her eyes and made a “well, duh” face. “Don’t push it. I can only take so much in one day.”
“Join the club.” Landon grabbed my hand. “We have to follow the trail Aunt Tillie is bound to leave. She wants to lead us to a final destination. I think we can all agree on that. It was the same in the fairy tale world. I don’t think this will be any different.”
“So we just wander into the woods?” Thistle gestured toward the fake woodland setting. “What if there’s another bear in there? What if there’s something worse?”
“We’ve already dealt with butt-pinching mobsters, lame vampires and a dude who fell into a crack in the floor at the hospital. How much worse can it get?”
“Ugh.” Thistle, Clove and I groaned in unison.
“What?” Landon held his hands out, clueless. “What did I say?”
“You totally jinxed us, man,” Marcus complained. “Now something really terrible will happen. Just you watch.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Landon waved off the comment and moved toward the clearly-marked path through the trees. There was even a sign that said “This way” with a pointing arrow to make sure we didn’t fall victim to idiocy. “I’m getting hungry. Do you think there’s bacon in this world?”
Of course he would ask that. “Do you really want to try eating it given the fact that Aunt Tillie’s aware of your fondness for pork? I can guarantee you’d be safer eating the asparagus in this world.”
“Are those my only two options?”
“I don’t see where you have any options. We’re in the woods. You’re not going to find food here.”
“Fine. But when we get out of here I’m going to eat enough bacon to make it through the rest of winter.”
“Duly noted.”
“WHAT THE HECK IS this?”
We’d only been walking for five minutes when we came across a wishing well in the middle of the forest. Sam was the first to approach, wrinkling his nose as he circled the contraption.
“I think this is papier maché, too,” he offered. “Why would someone put a papier maché well in the middle of the woods?”
That was a good question. Unfortunately, I had an idea what the answer would be. “Look inside,” I prodded.
Sam snagged gazes with me. “Why? What’s inside? I’m not going to find a body in there or anything, am I?”
I shook my head. “No. Although I’ll bet it’s not empty.”
“I have no idea what that means,” Sam whined. “I just know I don’t want to look now. Someone else should look. Clove, I think this is a job for you.”
“Oh, really?” Clove made a face. “Aren’t you supposed to protect me? We are getting married, after all. You’re the man. You’re supposed to be my protector.”
“You’d better hope Aunt Tillie didn’t hear you say that,” Thistle warned. “If she did, you’re going to be in big trouble. She won’t like that one bit.”
Clove balked. “What did I say?”
“She raised us to save ourselves,” I reminded her. “That was the whole point of the fairytale world. She didn’t want us to rely on a man to save us when we were capable of doing it ourselves.”
“So?” Clove planted her hands on her hips. “Maybe I don’t want to save myself. Did you ever consider that?”
“Only every day since I’ve met you,” I replied. “I get it. You like to be a girly girl. There’s nothing wrong with that. Aunt Tillie is another story. She won’t like it if you turn girly all of a sudden.”
“Really?” Clove’s tone was dry as she gestured toward her overflowing breasts, which were still on display. “I think she wants the world to know I’m a girl. Why else would she have given me this outfit?”
“Now isn’t the time for this,” Landon interjected, waving a hand between us to make sure we didn’t start throwing punches. “We’re clearly here for a reason. You guys think the reason is in that well. I’m a little terrified to look, but since I’m the FBI agent I’ll do it.”
Landon puffed out his chest. His words were bolder than his actions, because he didn’t move an inch from the spot where he stood.
“I really don’t want to look in there,” Landon said after a beat. “I’m afraid it’s going to be something freaky.”
“This whole world is freaky,” I reminded him. “You should be used to it by now.”
“Right.” Landon’s shoulders were stiff when he turned back to the well. “I’ll give you a hundred bucks if you look for me.”
I cocked an eyebrow. “You’re trying to bribe me?”
“I know I should be embarrassed, but I’m terrified to look in that well.”
“I’m not above a bribe. I just want something better than a hundred bucks.”
Landon tugged on his bottom lip as he turned back to me. “What do you want?”
“An hour-long massage, dinner in Traverse City and a night of just you and me.”
Landon smiled. “You can have that no matter what. It’s not a bribe if I already want to do it.”
“Oh.” I deflated a bit. “I want you to get a pedicure with me, too.”
“Now you’re talking.” Landon bobbed his head. “Fine. But no photos this time. Last time you blasted our salon visit all over Facebook. The guys at the office are still talking about it.”
“Done.”
“Great.” Landon took my extended hand and shook it while giving me a quick kiss. It wasn’t until I was already moving that I realized he was pushing me toward the wishing well. “If it’s something dangerous, yell and I’ll come running. If it’s merely gross, you’re on your own.”
“Oh, what big, strong men we have,” Thistle drawled, following me toward the well.
“Aren’t you afraid?” Marcus called out to her.
“No. I know what we’re going to find.”
“How do you know?”
“Because wells on soaps are a tried and true story,” I answered for Thistle. “They’ve been used multiple times. I think we all know what’s in here.”
“And what’s that?”
“An evil twin,” Thistle and I answered in unison, shuffling toward the lip of the well and looking down. Sure enough, sitting in the center of the papier maché well – a structure she could break out of whenever she wanted – sat one of Aunt Tillie’s clones. I knew it wasn’t the real Aunt Tillie, because the woman was dressed in dowdy clothes and had fake grime spread from one end of her face to the other.
“How’s it going in there?” I asked, doing my best not to smile. Even though it was a fake environment, it shouldn’t have been funny. Being trapped in a well is never funny.
“Thank the Goddess you’re here.” The woman scrambled to her feet, which conveniently put her about a foot away from us. All she had to do was raise her arms and we could’ve lifted her out. Neither Thistle nor I made as if we intended to do that. “You have to get me out.”
“How long have you been in here?” Thistle asked, looking around. “It looks a little bleak, yet completely sanitary. What’s that about?”
The Aunt Tillie triplet furrowed her brow. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Which one are you?” I asked.
“Nikki Forrester.”
“Ah, the more evil triplet.” I flicked my eyes to Thistle. “I’m guessing that the most evil triplet did this. It’s the only thing that makes sense from a narrative perspective.”
“Who are you talking to?” Landon asked, moving to my side. “And what are you talking about?” His eyes went wide when he caught sight of the woman in the well. “Hah! We’ve got you. What are you going to do now?”
He was a little too triumphant for my taste. I knew that would deflate fast enough, though. “That’s not Aunt Tillie. That’s one of the triplets we saw at the cabin.”