Landon reluctantly dropped his arms, although he didn’t look thrilled with his decision. “I’m starting to think Aunt Tillie is crazy because she watches soap operas. When I first met her I thought she was confused because of old age. After knowing her a bit I assumed it was because she simply liked being crazy. Now I think it’s the soap operas making her wonky. I’m going to ban her from watching them if we ever get out of here.”
It was a somber moment, but I couldn’t stop myself from laughing. “She’s not crazy. She only wants people to think she’s crazy. She’s smarter than almost everyone I know.”
“Is that saying much?”
“I was including you in the group.”
“Ha, ha.” Landon poked my side. “You haven’t said much about what just happened. Are you still … upset?”
“Upset?” I cocked an eyebrow. “I don’t know if ‘upset’ is the word. I was surprised more than anything else.”
Landon snorted. “Bay, if you were a cat you would’ve started hissing when you saw her. Your back would’ve arched and you would’ve made that snarling sound cats make while preparing themselves to claw their enemies to death.”
“I think you’re exaggerating.”
“And I think it was kind of funny.”
“You didn’t think it was funny when Michael pinched my butt.”
“Because that was weird.”
“And that woman rolling around on the dock and rubbing her face against your shirt as if she’s a dog and memorizing your scent, that’s normal?”
“Well, when you phrase it like that … .” Landon’s smile was sheepish when he spared me a look. “Bay, you can’t let this stuff get to you. I know it’s hypocritical for me to say given how I reacted with the happy butt pincher, but it’s true. Aunt Tillie wants us to overreact. We need to remain calm.”
“That’s easier said than done.” I glanced over my shoulder and found Clove and Sam trailing us, Clove’s hand on her boyfriend’s arm as she attempted to soothe him. I adjusted my tone. “We’d better hope he’s not really expected to perform surgery.”
“I was just thinking the same thing.”
“NO!”
Sam was beside himself when the hospital’s chief of staff, who just happened to look a lot like Clove’s father Warren, met us at the front door of the facility.
“We don’t have much time.” Warren grabbed Sam’s arm and tugged him forward. “We need you. We need your gift.”
“Absolutely not!” Sam’s eyes were wild with fear. “I refuse.”
“You must.” Warren didn’t back down. “The man’s life is in danger. He won’t last long. He’s already overcome so much.”
“I don’t really care if he’s overcome a pack of zombies,” Sam fired back. “I’m not doing it.”
“You don’t understand,” Warren pressed. “It’s Flynn Warfield. He’s a celebrity in the field of metaphysical belief systems.”
Landon and I exchanged a weighted look. Landon cleared his throat to get Warren’s attention. “Flynn Warfield?”
Warren nodded. “Then you’ve heard of him?”
“A little something here and there,” Landon replied. “I have no idea what a metaphysical belief system is, but I’ve heard of Flynn.” He shifted his eyes to Sam. “I believe you have to do the surgery.”
Sam’s expression was murderous. “No means no!”
“Oh, you’re such a kidder.” Warren gave Sam’s shoulder a good squeeze. “You’re the best weekend brain surgeon that we have. This man will die without you.”
“That’s kind of exciting.” Clove’s eyes sparkled. “I always wondered what it would be like to date a doctor.”
If looks could kill, Sam would’ve struck his beloved dead with a single glare. “You’re on my list, Clove,” he announced. “You’re right at the top. You’re even beating out Aunt Tillie right now.”
“That’s a little sad,” Thistle noted. “I guess you’re even more of a kvetch than we realized, huh?”
“I’ll make you eat soap opera dirt if you’re not careful,” Clove shot back. “I bet it’s even grosser than real dirt. That’s how Aunt Tillie does things.”
Thistle apparently thought the threat had weight, because she wisely shut her mouth. That didn’t mean I could.
“I think you have to do the surgery, Sam,” I prodded. “We need that diamond, and if Flynn is in surgery … .”
Sam realized what I was getting at … and he apparently didn’t like it. “You want me to try to steal a diamond from him while I’m conducting surgery?”
“Do you have a better idea?”
Sam’s mouth moved, but no sound came out. It was almost as if he was talking silently to himself. Finally, he regrouped enough to utter a sentence. “You just took Clove’s spot on top of my list.”
“Yay!” Clove clapped her hands. “I didn’t like being at the top of your list. This is so much better.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Sam rolled his eyes, cringing when he realized Warren was watching him. “Why are you still here?”
“I’m waiting for you.” Warren wasn’t letting up. Sam seemed to finally realize that, because he looked resigned. “We need to get moving now.”
“Fine.” Sam scratched at an invisible itch on the side of his nose. “I’ll do brain surgery. That seems to be the only way out of this. So, I will do it. I’ll be a brain surgeon on weekends.”
“You’re so strong, honey.” Clove patted his arm. “I’ve never been more proud of you than I am right now.”
“That doesn’t make me feel better, Clove,” Sam snapped.
“We’ll need you, too, Cinder,” Warren added, turning to Clove.
“Me?” Clove’s features turned white. “Why would you need me?”
“You’re a weekend nurse.”
“But … .” Clove looked panicked. “I can’t be a nurse. I most certainly can’t sit through surgery. You know how I feel about blood.”
“This must be one of the other personalities talking,” Warren noted. “That’s okay. We thought ahead for when this happened. Each personality passed the nursing exam, so you’re good to go.”
“What?” Clove was flabbergasted. “No way. Uh-uh. Not gonna happen.”
“Oh, now it’s a big deal,” Sam intoned. “It wasn’t a big deal when it was me. Now that it’s you, though … .”
“I thought Clove was a naughty nurse,” Thistle argued. “That’s not like a real nurse. It’s more like on Halloween when I was a naughty stewardess and I helped Marcus stow his luggage in the overhead compartment.”
“Don’t be gross,” Landon barked, pressing his eyes shut.
“I concur.” Warren’s smile never wavered as he focused on Clove. “We need both of you to save a man’s life. You can’t turn your back on something like that, can you?”
Clove was morose. “I guess not.” She darted a hateful look in my direction. “I’m not sure how yet, but I’m almost positive this is your fault. Thistle’s, too. When this is over, I’m going to make you both eat so much dirt you’ll choke to death.”
For lack of anything better to do, I offered up a sarcastic salute. “Good luck. May fortune favor the foolish … and brave.”
Clove narrowed her eyes to dangerous slits. “You’re dead to me.”
LANDON FOUND A SHIRT in the lost-and-found box. It featured a cat with a pretty pink bow. I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing when I saw it.
“Don’t say a word,” Landon warned, turning his attention to Thistle and Marcus. “Have you heard anything on the surgery?”
“They’ve been gone like twenty minutes,” Marcus replied. “You can’t perform brain surgery in twenty minutes.”
“It’s a soap,” Thistle reminded him. “You can do anything in twenty minutes on a soap.”
“Including being a brain surgeon on weekends. I … .” I had no idea what I was going to say. I’m sure it would’ve been pithy and bright, though. I lost my train of thought when I saw the woman in the nurse’s uniform crossing to us. She had a certain edge that wouldn’t let me look away.
Much like Eden, she was tall, thin and busty. I knew before she opened her mouth that she was coming for Landon. Her flirty gaze and swishing hips were distinct clues.
“Jericho.” She didn’t acknowledge the rest of us before sliding her hand into Landon’s hair and pressing her mouth to his.
To his credit, Landon immediately pushed her back. “What are you doing?” he sputtered.
“I’ve been waiting for your call for a week,” the nurse said, her bottom lip jutting into the perfect pout. “You were supposed to call me. This is not how you treat the woman you’re going to propose to once you’re done working undercover.”