Christopher nodded. “I don’t understand.” Said in the same tone as the others had used—the tone of asking a much smarter person for help. So he was also playing along. Good and go team.
Speaking of the team, while Dopey started blathering about the role of the more highly evolved and how they needed to help those lesser beings—which sounded a lot like the motto Algar had told me the Black Hole Universe people tended to live by, and also a lot like I heard from all of the League of Mad Scientists and Evil Geniuses on a regular basis, but the exact opposite of what Sandy had told me the Superconsciousness Consortium believed and lived by—noted that we were missing Oliver. And Bruno. And Ginger.
Had no idea when the three of them had disappeared or where they’d gone. The last I’d seen them they’d all been in here. Hoped they were investigating as opposed to being captured like Butler had been. Presumably had been, at any rate. Realized I hadn’t asked Dopey about Butler’s health and whereabouts; I’d been thrown by the whole Santa thing.
Why Dopey would want him was clear—he was making animal androids, essentially. Why not grab a really stellar human version and make copies of him? If the bad guys we normally dealt with could come up with a plan like that, why not a superconsciousness who appeared bent on some weird form of global domination? Though how you dominated anything with the weird setup Dopey had was beyond me. Other than this planet and the animals he had working for him potentially as slave labor, couldn’t figure out what he hoped to gain.
“What’s the point?” Whoops. Had not meant to say that out loud.
“The point of what?” Dopey asked.
Oh well, in for a penny, might as well go for it. “All of this. I don’t understand the point of all of this. Any of it, really. I mean, other than SuperBun. He’s cool.”
“He is.” Dopey smiled at me. “Wouldn’t you like to have him for your very own? Yours, only. No sharing. He’d be all for you.”
Felt the pull again, the complete desire to have SuperBun as my very own. It was stronger than it had been the first time, and I realized that there was nothing in the universe that mattered more than getting to be with SuperBun for the rest of my life.
Took a step toward SuperBun as “Insanity Lurks Nearby” by Front Line Assembly came on my personal airwaves, louder than the other music had been, and it jarred me out of the telepathic hold. Checked on the others out of the sides of my eyes—they seemed okay, but I didn’t want to wait around and find out they weren’t.
“Nice try,” I said as I stopped moving forward. “But we already established that your mind control doesn’t work on me.”
Dopey’s eyes narrowed. “It’s not really mind control if it’s what you want.”
“Is that how you convinced the animals to come with you? Telling them that’s what they wanted? Or did you just grab them and take them a million miles away from their home and then tell them they wanted to help out?”
“Your minds are too small, too young, to understand,” Dopey said dismissively.
“Well, I guess that’s true. From your perspective anyway.”
“Perspective,” Chuckie said. “That’s it! The perspective is all wrong here.”
Was about to ask what he meant, when an alarm went off. It was loud and screeching, and, interestingly enough, Dopey looked as surprised by this as the rest of us.
“What have you done?” Dopey demanded of us.
“Um, nothing? We’ve all been here with you.” I lied like a pro to bad guys by now, so I wasn’t concerned that Dopey wouldn’t believe me. And I figured that we needed to stall as long as possible, in case our side had caused those alarms to go off.
He looked around wildly. “Where are the rest of your group?”
“Huh?” Jeff asked, sounding confused. This was, for my husband, stellar lying, and I was proud.
“No idea what you’re talking about,” Chuckie added, sounding confused. Humans—still lying better than 99.9% of the A-C population, galaxywide.
SuperBun blinked innocently. He had no idea what Lord Dupay meant. All those who’d come down appeared to be here.
So, SuperBun was on our side. Meaning that Dopey was the one forcing him to try to mind-control us. Which settled it for me. If I was indeed in a whacked-out version of Wonderland, then I was taking the White Rabbit and All His Friends with me when I got the hell out of Dodge.
My music changed to “Up from Under” by The Wallflowers. Worked for me. Had no idea how we’d achieve this plan, but I was all for it.
Squirrels came rushing in through the big doorway we’d entered through, chittering like mad. It was kind of freaky but mostly comforting in that at least I could put a face to the sound, so to speak.
“What?” Dopey shouted. “How?”
“How what and what what?” I asked.
“We’re under attack! Grumpy’s making her move.” He turned to the squirrels. “It’s time for the final solution!”
“Stop!” Jeff bellowed. No one could bellow like my man—he was louder than the alarms and had far better reverberation going—so everyone indeed stopped. The alarms stopped, too, which was hella intriguing. “Nothing good ever comes from the term ‘final solution’ and I’m sure nothing good is going to come from yours. You’re a superconsciousness. Act like it. Simply save your people and your planet without destroying anyone or anything else.”
At this, Dopey looked furtive. “It’s not that easy.”
Thought about what was going on. Not with all of this, but with the minute clue Sandy had given me—the issue was with Grumpy and Dopey fighting for control.
Since they’d become a romantic item, that likely meant that much of what they were doing was in retaliation against the other for slights and injuries, perceived and real.
“Why did you and Grumpy break up?”
This question caused everyone to stare at me. “What possible relevance could that have to our current situation?” Dopey asked.
“Seconded,” Christopher added.
Managed not to roll my eyes but it took effort. “It matters. Why did you guys stop working together?”
Dopey sniffed. “She insulted me one too many times.”
“Uh huh. Why did you guys stop being a couple?”
Dopey glared at me. Still not up to Christopher’s level, but perhaps he just needed practice. He tried for the stare down, which, since he wasn’t Mom or Chuckie, I won easily. “She said I didn’t listen to her or understand her needs,” he said as he looked away, “and she was tired of doing all the work in the relationship.”
“How did that make you feel?” White asked, sympathy oozing.
“Terrible,” Dopey admitted. “I did my best. She just never appreciated me.”
“Women can be like that,” Christopher said, apparently deigning to catch on and join the party.