For the first time in my life, I was unsure about my future and that scared the piss out of me. Racing was my life. I needed the rush. I craved it. I had to have it to keep all my other demons away.
There was nothing in this world that could ever replace the feeling I had when I was behind the wheel.
Nothing.
“Nothing in my life matters besides racing.”
Paislie looked at me with a confused look. “So you’re tell me your life is over if you can’t get into a racecar again? Seriously, Malcolm? You’re lucky to be alive.”
The whole reason I raced the way I did was because I never cared about life. I lived it from day to day.
“I race the way I do because I don’t give a fuck about life.”
She sucked in a sharp breath. “How can you say that?”
With a gruff laugh, I shook my head. “Why do you think I’m the way I am?” My leg was throbbing as the pain built. “I like the rush from the adrenaline. I don’t fucking jump out of planes or rock climb because it’s a fun sport. It gives me a thrill and makes me forget.”
Her head tilted as she stared at me. “Forget what?”
I closed my eyes and saw Casey’s smile. Popping my eyes back open, I shook my head. “You wouldn’t understand.”
Her eyes grew angry as she shook her head. “Oh yeah, because I’ve never wanted to escape life before,” she said sarcastically. “I don’t try to kill myself while doing it, though.”
I laughed as I looked into her eyes. “No you only try to escape by fucking guys. I do it with living my life on the edge.”
Her mouth parted open and I saw the hurt move across her face. Pressing her lips together, she shot me a dirty look.
Fuck. Why did I say that?
I needed her to leave before I said something else I would be regretting.
“Paislie, would you mind leaving me alone for a bit, please?”
A look moved over Paislie’s face before she took a few steps back. She reached for her purse and headed to the door.
“Wait. I didn’t mean what I said, I—”
Paislie turned back and glared at me. “I’ve never told anyone the things I shared with you on that roof. But thank you for letting me know what you think about me, Malcolm. It was very enlightening.”
“No. Paislie, I’m just angry and I need some time to process all this bullshit and I can’t do it right now.”
She let out a huff. “Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll have plenty of people to help you process . . . including Ashley.”
Before I could even think of something to say in response, she opened the door and walked out.
Leaving me in the silence I asked for.
TWO MONTHS HAD PASSED SINCE I walked out of Malcolm’s hospital room. It took him two days before he called and left a message saying he really wanted to see me. When I didn’t answer, he kept calling and sending text messages.
I changed my number two weeks later. The only good thing was he at least had the decency not to bother me at work. He probably met some nurse who was taking care of him.
Letting out a frustrated sigh, I dropped my pen onto my desk and buried my face in my hands. Was it time to go home yet?
My phone buzzed as I picked it up. “Hey, Stephanie, what’s up?”
“Tyler wants you to come to his office.”
I closed my eyes and shook my head. Tyler was the owner of Southlake Physical Therapy and if you did your job, he left you alone. I could only imagine why he was calling me in. The last time it was to work on a patient no one else could handle. He was cranky, mean, and never wanted to do what you asked him to do. Unfortunately, Tyler felt like I was the right person for the job. It took three months to finally break the guy’s mold. It took tough love and me telling him to piss off a time or two. I had a strange feeling I was about to be tested again.
“I’ll be right there.”
I pushed my chair back and stood as I pulled a deep cleansing breath through my nose and blew it out through my mouth. Elizabeth had decided I needed to do yoga with her. After telling her what happened with Malcolm, she declared a no-guy zone for six months and I agreed to it. I was getting my inner-nun on.
Knocking lightly on Tyler’s door, I heard him say to come in. When the door opened, I smiled and walked in, taking a seat in one of the chairs facing his large oak desk.
He had multiple awards on the wall behind him as well as pictures of his family.
He looked at me intently for a few moments before saying, “Paislie, you know you’ve become one of my top physical therapists.”
I moved about nervously in my seat. I was never one to take compliments well.
“Thank you, Tyler.”
“You’ve been a huge part of the growing of this practice. But I need to know how far you’ll go to help it grow even more.”
A sick feeling moved over me as I raised my eyebrow at him.
“Are you willing to travel for a job?”
My body relaxed and I almost sighed with relief. I shrugged and said, “By travel, what do you mean? Like drive somewhere each day?”