They distract from what’s important.
I find myself agreeing with him.
But still….
What if?
No.
It’s better if I don’t even think about it.
MYRIN BROUGHT me a flower today.
It was a dingy little thing that looked as if it’d been sat upon after being ripped from the earth.
He was grinning when he handed it to me.
I took it, only because he would have continued to stand there with that dopey look upon his face.
It doesn’t mean anything.
Obviously.
(DRIED FLOWER petals pressed between the pages.)
MYRIN STARES at me when he thinks I’m not looking.
It’s creepy.
I must watch him closer when he’s not looking at me.
JUST ONE date, he says.
You won’t regret it, he says.
Give me a chance, he says.
No, I say.
No and no and no.
THE GREAT White accused me of being distracted today.
I don’t even try to understand how I know that.
He’s like this… presence. In my head.
It’s dragon magic. It has to be. He doesn’t have to open his mouth and I know what he’s telling me.
And he’s accusing me of being distracted.
If only he knew.
MYRIN KISSED me today.
That asshole.
HE’S MY cornerstone.
He’s my cornerstone.
He’s my cornerstone.
Fuck fuck fuck fuck—
IT IS of the mind. But it’s also of the air and the earth, the plants and the trees and the sky and the stars. Magic is everywhere. But it starts in the mind. I can’t say if it’s the same for other magical creatures, but they don’t think like we do. They see things differently. I’m sure the elves probably say the same about us, but then they’ve always been of the superior sort. It’s not as if there are many around anymore as it is.
But it starts in the mind.
It’s a… spark.
And it gathers.
I can see so much of it now, so much more than I could even after the Trials.
The outlines. The construct. How it builds and builds and builds— I need to tell the Great White. So he’ll—
Myrin’s here. I can tell him too.
I HAVE to make a choice.
The Great White.
Or Myrin.
He’s making me do this.
That giant bastard is making me do this.
How dare he.
How dare he do this to me.
It’s not as if—
I—
Gods.
Can I do this?
“WHY CAN’T you trust me to know what I’m doing?” I asked the Great White today.
And in my head, I got an image of a toddler crawling on his hands and knees.
Message received, loud and clear.
He’s not wrong.
To him, we’re all children.
But he doesn’t understand.
What it means to be human.
What it means to care for another.
He—
“TRUST ME,” Myrin told me. “This will be the best thing for the both of us.”
“How can you be sure?”
He smiled at me, sunny and bright. “Have I ever steered you wrong?”
Gods, I love him.
I FELT the Great White’s anger.
His rage.
His fury.
But underneath it all, I felt his hurt. He was hurt by my decision.
It doesn’t change my mind, but….
I didn’t expect that.
OH, WHAT’S in a name?
Myrin the Bright Star.
It’s… fitting.
I don’t know why.
David’s Dragon are the brightest stars in the sky.
Randall of Dragons.
Myrin the Bright Star.
We were meant to be.
The Great White didn’t know what he was talking about.
I AM the King’s Wizard.
I have an apprentice.
I have my cornerstone.
It’s everything I could have wanted.
MYRIN WAS whispering something to the King today.
He smiled and winked at me when he caught me watching.
I wonder if he’s planning a surprise.
For some reason, I like surprises, but only when they come from him.
MORGAN IS… bright. Inquisitive. Studious. Focused.
I will expect great things from him.
THE KING seems… off lately. A shadow of his former self. He says he’s fine, but….
I’ll need to keep an eye on him.
MYRIN IS gone.
He left a note saying he’d be back in a few days.
He didn’t say where he was going.
This is the third time he’s done this.
I know he has a wandering spirit, but I thought this would be enough.
That I would be enough.
It’s okay, though. I have plenty to keep me busy.
THE KING had a scare today.
He was speaking in front of his court and then just trailed off, staring into the distance.
His eyes were unfocused and his jaw slack.
I thought it was a precursor to a seizure.
I reached for him, but Myrin was there first.
I could have sworn Myrin said something to him, but I didn’t see his lips move.
The King snapped out of it a moment later.
He said he hadn’t slept well the night before.
Bad dreams.
I’ll make him a calming draft for tonight.
MORGAN ASKED me today if I’d felt the shift in the wind. “It feels like something’s coming,” he said.
I laughed at my apprentice and patted his shoulder. “Of course not,” I said. “Everything is fine.”
I hate lying to him.
THE KING executed a thief today.
It came out of nowhere. One moment the man was being judged and most likely faced a few days in the dungeons, but then the King said he needed to set an example.
“Death,” the King said. “By beheading.”
I was too surprised to say anything.
“Are you sure?” Myrin asked him. “It doesn’t seem—”
“Are you questioning me?” the King asked.
Myrin bowed in deference.
The man screamed.
An hour later the executioner’s ax was bloodied, and that was that.
MYRIN AND I went for a long walk today.
It’s been some time since it was just the two of us.
I held his hand.
He kissed my cheek.
He said, “I wonder what it would be like if this was all different.”
He smiled at me when I asked him what he meant.
And that’s okay. I’m just happy to be with him.
THEY’RE CALLING him the King of Sorrows now, for all the strife he’s brought down upon his people. He won’t listen to me, no matter how hard I try.
I don’t know what to do.
IT WAS Myrin.
It was Myrin.
It was Myrin.
It was—
“YOU LOVE me,” he said.
“I do.”
“Then why?”
“Because you have to be stopped.”
“Randall, you are constrained by the rules that have been placed upon you. My mind has been expanded in ways you wouldn’t believe. Magic is so much more than what we were taught. Please. Listen to me. This—everything—it can all be ours. If you just—”
“Don’t.”
“I love you.”
“I know.”
“I’m sorry, then.”
I don’t remember much after that.
I DON’T know how I never saw this coming. How I never saw any of it. He’s so strong. And the Darks have gathered behind him.
Gods.
My heart.
How it aches.
A SEAL could be made if needed.
After casting someone to the realm of shadows.
We could—
No. No. No.
If I don’t—
I have to kill him.
MORGAN CAME to me today.
He begged me.
He begged me to do what I could.
Then he showed me something. Something I never thought he could do.
Containment.
Compression.
Maybe—
I LOVE you, Myrin.
Even now.
IT’S DONE.
We almost died, but it’s done.
He’s locked away.
He screamed and screamed and screamed, but in the end, we were stronger than his rage.
Gods help us all.
HE’D BEEN dripping poison in the King of Sorrows’s ears for longer than I thought.
I was barely able to bring him back.
But his eyes cleared.
I HAVE to be strong. For Morgan.
But it’s there, isn’t it?
At the back of my mind.
I have to be strong.
I LASTED longer than I ever thought I could.
But it’s still not enough.
I must flee this place.
Castle Freesias.
It’s my last hope.
I LEFT gifts for the dragons in the cave.
Their feathers are extraordinary.
The shadows are crawling along my skin.
It won’t be long now.
GODSDAMN YOU, Myrin.
You did this, you did this.
I loved you, and you did this to me.
(THE NEXT pages are illegible, covered in unrecognizable symbols. Some have been torn out.)