“Did you open them?”
“Only mine when GW had me work on it.”
“He hates it, doesn’t he.”
I grinned. “So much.”
Randall looked like he was fighting a smile. Or having a small stroke. “Why?”
“What?”
“Why didn’t you open the other two?”
I decided to be as honest as possible. “It hurt too much.”
“Morgan’s.”
“Yeah.”
“And Myrin’s?”
“Too angry.”
“I don’t blame you for that.”
“You don’t?”
“No.”
“Oh. Well. Thanks. I guess.”
“But you’re going to have to.”
I sat up straight in the chair, my skin clammy. “Why?”
“Because you need to see. The past. The future.”
“That’s… vaguely ominous. No thank you.”
“That wasn’t a request, Sam.”
“We could pretend it was. You used the word ask, after all.”
“Sam.”
I stared at him.
He was infuriatingly calm.
I sighed and picked up the pack from beside my chair. I set it in my lap and just… left it there. There was something I needed to say before we did whatever we were about to do. I had a feeling I wasn’t going to like it either way, so the longer I could put it off, the better.
“The Trials.”
He blinked. “What about them? They’re irrelevant to you now, I would think.”
“I know. But if you think I should still go through them, I will.”
“You don’t need to prove yourself to me.”
I arched an eyebrow at him. “I’ve always had to prove myself to you. That’s kind of our thing.”
“I only ever wanted the best for you.”
“Even when I turned your nose into a dick?”
“Even then.”
I sighed and looked down at the pack in my lap. I had to get this out before I couldn’t. “I don’t remember some of it. About being in the woods. It’s like… a dream. The more I’m removed from it, the hazier it gets.”
Randall said nothing.
“Not all of it, though. Some things are startlingly clear. I remember the rain on my face when I walked through the Dark Woods. I remember the pain I felt. The grief. I remember questioning myself, if I was doing the right thing. If I was just running away again. Or if I was doing what was expected of me. After… after Morgan died, when you came and took Myrin away, you told me that I had to do what was necessary, even if my heart was breaking.”
Randall closed his eyes and breathed.
“And I did. I did, Randall, even though my heart was breaking. Because I was lost. Morgan was gone. You were gone. Ryan was… dying. The King proclaimed I would be his wizard when you returned. And the gods, they… you know what they wanted from me. What they asked. The Great White told me the first time that I had to go with him. That I had to leave all others behind and enter the woods.”
Randall opened his eyes. “I thought that might be the case.”
I smiled weakly. “Which is why you said what you did.”
“I didn’t—”
I shook my head. “After you took him, where did you go?”
“To the ends of the earth. To a place where fire and ice meet along great frozen shelves and the ground splits and lava spills. I left him there, but I knew it to be a temporary fix. That in the end, it would only hobble him until he could return. It was the only thing I could think to do to buy us all time. But he was stronger than I expected, and it didn’t take him long to find his way back to Verania.”
“Because of what he consumed.”
“Yes, Sam. Because of what he consumed.”
“You told me once that you had hope, that you thought one day he could find his way back from the Dark. Like you did.”
“Yes.”
I looked him straight in the eye. “He lost that right. When he took Morgan. Whatever was left of the Myrin you knew is gone now.”
“I know,” he said quietly. “But I believe my cornerstone was lost long before he ever stepped foot back in Verania.”
I believed him. “We traveled into the woods. For weeks. I didn’t… I didn’t think they were so large. I was sure that the farther we walked, the greater the chance we’d come out on the other side and that I’d see the Northern Mountains in the distance. But it didn’t happen. The forest went on and on and on, and eventually we weren’t in Verania anymore. We were… beyond it. In between this world and the next. The trees were ancient. The sun was bigger. The stars were different. I asked the Great White where we were, and he told me that it didn’t matter. That I had to clear my mind. That I had to forget. My friends. My family. My cornerstone.” I laughed bitterly. “I was a weapon of the gods, after all. And here I was, far from home, being crammed full of magic, so much so that I thought my soul would break, preparing to face down a man who has taken so much from all of us. And what choice did I have? If the gods wanted Myrin vanquished, then he would be. If they wanted me to stop him, then I would. Instead I was a pawn on a board, a piece being moved from square to square, and it was a game.”
“You were angry.”
“Very,” I admitted. “I raged against the stars and against the dragons. Against you and Morgan and Vadoma for putting me in this position. Against my magic for even existing at all. It was a burden, one that I never asked for.” I sighed. “But then I realized I had asked for it. When I was a kid, I’d made a wish upon the stars. I wished to be someone important. Someone who mattered. And my wish had been granted. Because I was important, though not in the way I expected. I mattered. And not because of what the gods had placed upon me. I mattered because I was loved. My parents. The King. Morgan. Justin. Gary and Tiggy and Kevin. Pete. Ryan, always my cornerstone. You.”
He took in a sharp breath.
“My wish came true,” I continued, brushing my fingers over the pack, feeling the enclosed Grimoires. “I was important, and not because of what I could do. But because of the people who would lay down their life for me. I mattered, and not because of the magic I wield, but because there were people counting on me. And I was going to do everything I could to get back to them. Maybe it’s selfish, but I didn’t stay in the woods for the sake of Verania. I stayed because I’m loved, and I love in return. And that was something the gods could never understand. That the Great White could never understand, for all his anger toward cornerstones. That magic doesn’t matter—none of this matters—if you have to go it alone.”
“What did you do?” Randall whispered.
All that was left was the truth. “I agreed to go with the Great White. I agreed to let him change me. To make me into a wizard. To turn me into someone capable of mastering the dragons of Verania. To accept my destiny and become what the gods were forcing me to be, if and only if, after all was said and done, after Myrin had been vanquished and the Darks banished from Verania, he would take my magic from me and make me mortal.”
The only sounds came from the fire.
“He fought me on it,” I said. “For a long time. In that hazy place. For weeks, I think, we fought.”
“And he agreed?”
I rolled my eyes. “What? Of course not. He’s an asshole. Like hell he would do that. He was offended I even asked him, and eventually he told me either I would shut up, or he would banish me to a realm filled with tiny fish who would gnaw on me for decades.”
“That… sounds like him.”
“And then he pointed out that there would always be villains even beyond Myrin, and that me not having my magic was a really stupid idea. Which, you know, fair point.”