The ground beneath our feet was dirt, with the barest patches of grass. There were puddles of standing water, as if the storm we’d traveled through had passed here a few days before.
I saw what looked to be signs of a battle fought here. Scorch marks along the sides of buildings, collapsed structures where workers were still sifting through debris. Against the side of what used to be one of the biggest fisheries there was a shadow mark shaped like a person, as if someone had been flash-fried against it. A bouquet of flowers lay on the ground underneath it, tied together with a white ribbon.
“It used to be worse,” Mom said as she watched me taking in everything. “We’re putting things back together.”
I nodded tightly.
“And now that you’re here, things will start looking up,” Dad said, patting my arm. “We knew you’d come back. It was just a matter of time. You’ll see. Everyone will be so thankful you’re here once word has spread.”
“Really. Then I suppose that’s just a remnant of times past?” I pointed to a poster hanging from an announcement board filled with missing person flyers and requests for services. It was in the upper left-hand corner, slightly weathered, as if it’d been there for a long time. I could only make out the top few sentences, but it was enough.
SAM OF WILDS HAS ABANDONED VERANIA!
HIS SHAME AT THE DEATH OF MORGAN OF SHADOWS WAS TOO GREAT!
THE WE-HATE-SAM-A-LOTS ARE HERE FOR YOU IN THIS TIME OF NEED!
THE NEXT MEETING IS SET FOR
The rest was faded away.
“I thought you’d gotten all of those,” Mom hissed at Dad.
“I thought I did too,” he said thoughtfully, running a hand over his beard. “Things aren’t like that anymore, Sam. They haven’t been for a long time.”
“Well, not completely,” Mom added hastily. “Once Lady Tina left the We-Hate-Sam-A-Lots—”
“Oh, great. Let’s talk about her some more.”
“—they sort of splintered off and tried to keep going on their own. I don’t know how well that went for them in the long run.”
“I ate a woman once,” Kevin said, flicking his tongue out at a group of people who scattered, screaming, arms flailing above their heads. “I have no problem in doing it again if the situation should arise. And no, I’m not being misogynistic. I would eat a man just the same if they tried to mess with Sam.”
“Your threat of murder is touching,” I told him honestly. “I like you.”
He grinned at me.
“It’s different now, Sam,” Dad said, not unkindly. “Obviously. You left, and Verania changed. But it wasn’t always for the worse. In the darkest times, a light will appear in the most unlikely of places. Lady Tina has worked hard to correct past mistakes. We’ve had the benefit of seeing it up close. Your last interaction with her was of betrayal. She knows what she did, and she has sought to redeem herself for that.”
“What she did,” I repeated incredulously. “Are you—you’re serious. Let me tell you what she did. She actively fought against everything I stood for, turned thousands of people against me, planned my demise on countless occasions, and was complicit in a plot that nearly killed Ryan and led to Morgan sacrificing himself for me. And you think she’s redeemed herself?”
“Sam—”
I shook my head. “I can’t believe I’m hearing this. Not from you. You guys aren’t supposed to be like this. You’re supposed to be on my side.”
Mom’s eyes narrowed. “We have always been on your side. Every single day of your life. Even when you disappeared without a trace. We have the advantage of hindsight. You do not. There are things you don’t know, things that we’ve had to live through while you were gone. I’m not blaming you for anything, Sam. I would never do that. I knew in my heart you would return to us. You can’t expect—”
“Morgan died because of her,” I snapped, and before I could stop it, the ground cracked beneath my feet. In the grand scheme of things, it was a small event; the dirt and grass shifted and split twice the length of my foot. But it was built upon rage and a sense of loss, something the Great White had warned me about time and time again. Magic was supposed to come from a rational place of clear mind and thought. There was control in impassiveness, he’d told me. A wizard who could stay calm, cool, and collected was able to perform feats leaps and bounds above one who could not.
Morgan had been like that.
So had Randall, for the most part.
For the longest time after entering the Dark Woods and facing the Great White, I was a slave to my emotions. I felt nothing but rage and grief at all that I’d seen. At everything I’d lost. There were days when I could do no magic at all; still others when I had no control over the green and gold that leaked out of me and destroyed parts of the forest around me. My head had been pounding with— I loved you, Sam of Wilds. Even then. Remember that, when the world seems dark.
—all that had been taken from me, what had been sacrificed to keep me alive because the gods had demanded it so. I blamed everyone but myself for the longest time. Trees caught fire; the earth shook beneath my feet as I screamed at the sky. I wanted revenge.
And I felt it then, didn’t I? The shadows curling at my feet.
Because it would have been so easy for me.
To reject the dragons.
To reject the gods.
To reject my cornerstone.
To forsake all of them, to submerge myself in the Dark. Randall had done it once, and he’d come back from it. I could do that too.
It didn’t help when I turned on myself, when I placed the blame squarely on my own shoulders, accepting my part in everything. If I hadn’t turned those boys to stone in the alley that day so long ago, if I hadn’t moved to the castle with Morgan when he’d asked, if I’d asked the questions so glaringly obvious in retrospect about the secrets kept from me, if I’d listened to Randall and Morgan when they tried to bestow their wisdom upon me, if I’d trusted them more, if I’d asked questions of a page as he led us toward a dark house in the City of Lockes, if I’d fought harder when Myrin took Morgan in hand and consumed him.
If. If. If.
“Sam,” a voice said near my ear.
There was a pulse in my head. Followed by another. And another. And another.
One was red, two were blue, another white.
The last was black and shiny and warm, not void of light but taking all the light in.
“Sam,” Kevin said again. “We’re here. We’re all here.”
“Yeah,” I muttered. “Okay.”
I took a breath and let it out slow, remembering what I’d been taught. Remembering what it meant to be a wizard.
I am not ruled by my emotions. I am a wizard. I have strength and power, and I will not use them against those that don’t deserve it.
The green and gold, sharper than they’d ever been in my life, began to fade.
I looked back up.
The people around us were staring again. Most of them looked fearful.
My parents did not.
They only looked worried. Not about what I could do. But about me.
I smiled weakly at them. “Still a work in progress. My bad.” I raised my voice to the people of Camp HaveHeart. “My bad, everyone! I promise I won’t accidentally light all of you on fire for putting up posters that are completely untrue and hurt my feelings. I can’t promise I won’t light some of you on fire for that—oh my gods, it was a joke. Why are you all running away?”
“You’ve forgotten how to be human,” Kevin said, sounding amused as people screamed and scattered. “Got a little bit of dragon in you.”
“Wow. What a nice thing to say. Thank you.”
“Maybe you’d like a little bit more dragon in you.”
“You are the most terrible thing I’ve ever known.”
“I know, isn’t it wonderful?”
“Okay?” Mom asked.
“Okay,” I said, though I wondered how much of that was true.
Dad had moved to the bulletin board to rip down the poster and shred it to pieces. “See?” he said. “It’s that simple.”
I told myself I believed him.