He put his hand on the doorframe so I couldn’t close it without smashing his fingers. “I called, Yoona. I just picked up the phone and called collect. Jaesung’s father believes me. He’s calling his brother in Korea about it. He sounded like he really appreciated what I said. He said it made sense.” Lloyd’s face was full of hope, and I wanted to believe him, but I knew he was lying.
“What evidence did you give him?” I said instead.
“He’d never heard the whole thing from me before. He said he was sorry about that. He wants to help me, and I think I got through to him. We didn’t need evidence—I mean, I was an eyewitness to the whole conspiracy. I wasn’t knocked out. I saw the whole thing with my eyes. I was there. They didn’t count on that. And I don’t care if they’re following me. Let them. I’ve got Jaesung’s father on my side now, and they can’t follow everybody I tell. That’s my plan: to tell everybody and not keep it secret. They can’t shut me up. See, that’s the part they were counting on, that I’d keep it a secret, but why should I? You get it?”
“He’s going to look into it? What else did he say?”
“Can’t I come in and talk about this? We had such a long conversation. I’m sitting in the phone booth at the library, and I was there until it closed, so it was really a long time. He left at one point and said he’d put the phone down, but he was still there, just had to take care of something, and I should keep talking because what I said was important, and it was good to have someone really take me seriously for once, you know?”
“I can’t listen to this anymore. Did you spray-paint the shantytown houses?”
“Look, it was a lot of information. I get that. He was taking notes, he said. You know, so he wouldn’t forget anything. He wanted all my information and yours. He wanted my address and my parents’ phone number—so it would be an official report. We’d file it together—a lawsuit, an official complaint about the accident.”
“A lawsuit?”
“Yes, don’t you see? We’re getting lawyers involved. That’s what we’re doing, and he’s got the money to do it, and now we’ll bring out the big guns to show them what they’re dealing with. And if it’s money they want in exchange for Jaesung, now they can get it. Jaesung’s father said he’ll pay anything to get Jaesung back, and I said I’d help him with that, and you would too. They just need to know we’d do it for real and hurry about getting him back. What do you think they’re doing to him, Yoona?”
He was pounding on the frame of the door as he spoke, and it was unnerving me. It reminded me of the way my father would start his arguments, asking questions but not looking for answers. In fact, answers increased his rage. “I have to go,” I said firmly and closed the door halfway.
He swayed from the door in dejection. “I can’t believe you still don’t believe me,” he said. Then he leaned against the wall opposite my door and slid to a sitting position on the floor facing me and buried his face in his arms.
“You can’t stay here,” I said.
“That’s what you think.”
I closed the door to my room without another word.
I chucked the folder under my bed, turned out the light, and went to sleep. My watch said it was six forty-five. I woke to complete darkness. It was nearly ten o’clock. There were voices in the hall as people returned to their rooms. A few girls passed by when I opened my door. I heard one of them say, “Sorry,” and saw her veer away, and then I saw beyond their feet that Lloyd was still camped out exactly where I’d left him. I shut and locked the door behind me before walking to the bathroom. When I returned, I stepped back over him, and he grabbed my foot. “Let go or I’ll scream,” I told him.
“You’re going to regret this,” he said.
Joanna came down the hall. “What’s going on here?” she said.
Lloyd released my foot, and I shook my head at Joanna and escaped into my room. I heard her say something to him but couldn’t make out the words, and then she must have continued down the hall.
89
Please stop that high-pitched sound. Is it Heather who’s making that noise? Because Faye is beside me in this hole, holding me down in this room, when really the air outside is where I want to be. Winds. We loved the winds in Korea, didn’t we, Jaesung? All I’ve ever done is try to keep my mother safe, and after all those years with my father, the illness in the hospital, when things were looking better for her, I bring this lunatic into her life. I wanted something for me, for once, for me. I wanted to love you, and this is what I did to my mother. Selfish, stupid, selfish, stupid, selfish, stupid. I take it back now. I wish I’d never met you. I wish I’d never met you and Lloyd. A hundred fists pummel my chest, with each crushing blow a shriek says, My fault, my fault, my fault.
90
It was Joanna who called me to her room the next afternoon. A man and a woman were in her doorway. Joanna ushered them into the hallway, where she made the introductions. “The dean’s office notified Mr. and Mrs. Kang about the report I submitted yesterday with your complaint. Apparently, the Kangs had called the school asking for information about their son.” The woman looked to be my mother’s age but with thick foundation and powder. She was wearing a pink Chanel suit with pink pumps, as if dressed for a garden wedding. There was a corsage of pink roses and baby’s breath on her lapel. The man hovered even though he didn’t tower over her. It was his bent posture that made him seem to be looming. He had a thick, full head of wavy white hair.
“You’re a friend of Lloyd’s?” He nodded as if it would will me to nod in affirmation, which I felt compelled to do.
“We have to see him right away,” he continued.
A group of boys and girls walked by, and we had to step aside for them. They were curious. I could tell by their stares. One of them was Daiyu, who ducked between two girls when our eyes met. I didn’t understand why she didn’t stop.
“I don’t know where he is, I’m sorry,” I said and saw them look at each other.
“How do you know our son?” Lloyd’s father said.
“Where did you see him last?” the woman asked, and murmured to the man to wait.
“We have the word out to everybody to be on the lookout. We’ll find him,” Joanna said.
“I’ve told him to go back to New York,” I said. “He probably will.” I felt as though I had to reassure them somehow. I’d raised the alarm, but maybe he was driving back at this very moment. Lloyd’s parents were whispering to each other. I saw Joanna peek at her wristwatch.
His mother finally turned to me, raising her hand to stop her husband from speaking. “The best thing to do if you see him is to call us.” She searched in her bag, found an empty envelope, ripped it into two pieces, and wrote a number on each part. She handed one to me and the other to Joanna. “We’ve given our number to the dean’s office too. Please call us as soon as you hear. We’re at Creek Inn downtown.”
Lloyd’s father spoke. “We need to get him home.”
“In Korea we hoped he’d make new friends,” his mother said.
“What happened in the accident?” I said.
Lloyd’s parents looked at each other again.