RYAN FOUND me a little while later. I’d been planning on using the summoning crystal to talk to Morgan, maybe even Mom and Dad, but the crystal was back in the room I shared with Ryan, and I couldn’t force myself to go up and get it. I was too tired, too angry, too worried, too… everything.
I heard someone step onto the dock behind me, felt it shift. I tensed for the briefest of moments but then settled. I knew who it was. I didn’t even need to turn around. Soon enough, I felt a hand on the back of my neck, the fingers scratching into my hair. I hummed quietly and leaned against him when he sat next to me. I laid my head on his shoulder, and he rested his atop mine.
“Okay?” he asked quietly.
“Yeah,” I said. “Just… a lot. You know. In my head.”
“Gets loud, huh.”
“A little.”
“Need anything?”
“Just you. Just… you.”
He chuckled. “That I can do.”
He gave me time to parse through my thoughts, to try and put the pieces together and to discard the ones that wouldn’t fit. He didn’t know everything, but only because I hadn’t told him. Given what Morgan had told me before we’d left Castle Lockes, I hadn’t been able to work through it all. It’d been swirling around my head, the betrayal of it all, the anger, the anguish. Coupled with the fact that I had no idea what to expect in the desert, I wasn’t sure I could have given it the time it needed.
It didn’t help that I’d still felt the sting of betrayal. That my whole life had been foretold. That most of the major events that had happened to me, the things that had shaped me to become who I was today, seemed to have been done deliberately. That the man I looked up to almost the same as I did my father knew more about my past and future than he’d ever told me. One of the first things he’d ever taught me was that a wizard had his secrets. I knew that. I understood that.
It still hurt.
Especially to know I was keeping secrets too.
“My head feels full,” I muttered. “I don’t know what to focus on.”
“Okay,” Ryan said, turning his face to kiss my hair. “Let’s focus on one thing at a time.”
“Yeah.”
“Did you do what you needed to do here? With Zero.”
“I think so.”
“Will Zero help us when the time comes?”
I was surer about that. “Yes. He will.”
“And where do we go next?”
“North. The mountains.”
“Randall. Castle Freesias. The mated dragons.”
“Yeah.”
“And that’s the most pressing concern?”
I have awoken, O human child. In this forest deep, in the dark of the wild. And I have seen what is in your heart. Take heed of my warning: you are not ready.
All of you will not survive until the end. There will be loss, Sam. And it will burn like nothing has ever burned before. You must remember to keep in the light, even when the dark begins to curl around your feet.
I blinked away the burn.
And then I opened my mouth and lied.
“Yes. That, and I need to talk to Morgan.”
“Good,” he said. “Then we have a plan.”
I laughed wetly. He had to have noticed.
He did, of course. “Hey.” He lifted his head off mine, put a couple of fingers under my chin until I could look up at him. “What is it?”
I shrugged. “Just… tired. Really, really tired.”
“You sure?”
I nodded. “Been a long few weeks, I guess.”
“You can tell me anything, Sam. You know that, right?”
I looked into his bright eyes.
And believed him.
“I know.”
“All right,” he said, sounding regretful. “I distinctly remember a promise of butt sex, but if you’re too tired, maybe we should just get you to bed.”
I felt lighter because of him. Freer. “That’s how you play it?”
He had a wicked smile on his face. “That’s how I play it. What are you gonna do about it?”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “Is that a challenge, Sir Knight?”
“It would be, Wizard. Think you can handle it?”
I leaned forward, the weight of the world pushed away, at least for now. I had more important things to focus on. When I spoke, my voice was low and rough. “Tell you what we’re going to do,” I said, watching as the breath hitched in his chest, because he knew that voice. His pupils dilated and his tongue darted out as he licked his lips. “We’re gonna head back to our room. You’re gonna get undressed. And then you’ll be on your knees while I’m still fully clothed. You’re gonna take my cock out. You’re gonna suck me off. And if you’re good, if you can get me nice and wet, I promise I’ll eat your ass until you’re crying. Then, and only then, will I fuck you. How’s that sound?”
“Yeah,” he said hoarsely. “That. Please. Let’s do that. That sounds good.”
“Then get up and get moving.”
He did, pulling me up. In his hurry, he almost ended up knocking us into the water but caught us before we went in. I was laughing at him, and he was laughing at me, and there, under the stars, I reminded myself that stone crumbled, and that even if it didn’t, I would shatter it until there was nothing left.
“I love you,” I said as he dragged me toward our room. “Gods, I love you.”
And when he smiled back at me, eyes still blown out with lust, his grip on my hand tightening, I knew no one would take this away from me. Because I would get my happy ending. If it was the last thing I did.
And there, under the stars, he said, “I love you too. You and me, Sam. Always.”
Yeah. I had plans, all right.
I could talk to Morgan later.
Chapter 22: Something Wicked
SAM.
I’m here.
Sam.
See me.
See me for what I am.
I opened my eyes.
It was dark.
Ryan slept deeply next to me, arm hung heavily over my waist, legs tangled with mine. My skin felt slick with sweat. My heart was in my throat. Magic raced along my skin, and I was electrified because of it.
Something was pulling me. That hook in my brain. I thought maybe Zero had come to Mashallaha, but that didn’t feel quite right. Maybe it was Kevin. Maybe it was Ruv. I thought about ignoring it. I thought about curling back into the warmth of the man I loved and drifting away. It would be easy.
I didn’t.
I didn’t because—
“—WE LOVED him, Sam,” Morgan told me the day we left for the desert. He sat across from me in our labs in Castle Lockes. I was angry with him. With Randall. With Vadoma. But I was going to hear him out. I owed him that much, at least. “That’s something I need you to understand above all else. Regardless of what I tell you, regardless of what you hear, you must know that we loved him.” He sighed and looked down at his hands. “And I think it’s safe to say we love him still. I can’t speak for Randall, but… I’ve known him for a very long time.”