It didn’t matter. None of it mattered.
It didn’t matter that I was out here, so far from home, working off a prophecy from the gods in order to save the world. It didn’t matter that the very people I was trying to protect were apparently turning against me. None of that mattered. It didn’t change anything. I would still do what was being asked of me. When this was all said and done, the people of Verania would see that everything I’d done had been to protect them. They’d see. They’d all see.
I ignored the little voice that whispered I was lying to myself. That I’d done this for selfish reasons. That I was here because I couldn’t let Ryan die. That I hadn’t even thought of the fate of the world.
“I can’t control what they think,” I said, voice even. “And there’s nothing in here based in fact.”
“True,” she said with a nod of her head. “But since when is the news concerned about truth?”
“Was there a point you were trying to make?”
“My point, Sam, is that I am trying to help you become the leader I know you’ll be. You may not believe this, but I want nothing but the best for you, chava. I want you to succeed.”
“But you want me to do it the way you say.”
She shrugged. “Can’t the same be said for Morgan? For Randall? Are you or are you not following the path they set for you?”
“I trust them. I don’t trust you.”
“I’ve never lied to you, Sam. Can they say the same?”
And if that wasn’t just a kick in the nuts. “How do I know that’s true?”
“I’ve never had any reason to. Sam, I have a vested interest in seeing the world remain as it is. These people are my people. I am the phuro because they placed their faith in me. And it is my duty to protect them at all costs. Why would I lie, especially if it meant harm could come to them? I would sacrifice myself if it meant the darkness would not fall upon them. They are not meant to live in shadow. The gypsies are meant to bask in the sun.”
“You told them that Ruv was my cornerstone,” I said through gritted teeth, trying to hold on to any semblance of truth that I could. “You knew full well that I would never accept him. That I had Ryan. That I would always have Ryan.”
“I am the phuro,” she said again. “I would protect them. But it also means I am a politician. I curried their favor toward you. They allowed their prejudices to cloud their eyes. I gave you the chance to be seen in a different light. I did what I did for you.”
“You really believe that.”
“Yes.”
“And what will you do when they realize I will never be with Ruv?”
“You seem sure about that, chava.”
I banged my fist on her desk. She didn’t even flinch. “I am sure about it.”
“Well, then,” she said. “I will have lied. And I will deal with the fallout. But tell me, Sam. How can you know what the future holds? You cannot see as I have.”
I stood. The chair scraped along the wooden floor. “We leave,” I said, “in the morning. Me. Ryan. Gary. Tiggy. Kevin. That is it.”
“And the desert dragon?”
“Will remain where he is until I’m ready for him.”
“And how will you know when you’re ready?”
“When I have them all.”
“So you have accepted your destiny because of what I’ve shown you.”
I leaned forward, my hands on the desk. “No. Not because of what you’ve shown me. Because it’s the godsdamned right thing to do. I don’t know what you’re after, Vadoma. But you would do well to stay out of my way.”
She laughed. It grated against my ears. “Oh, Sam. You truly are beyond what I had hoped for. But I must remind you again: I have never lied to you. Can you name someone else in your life that can say the same?”
“I don’t have to answer to you.”
Her eyes narrowed. “Do you know who I am? Who you’re talking to?”
I grinned sharply at her. “Do you? Because I’m Sam of Wilds. I’m the apprentice to the King’s Wizard. And I will do whatever it takes to keep those I love safe.”
“Your cockiness will be your undoing,” she said. “The power you wield will not protect you from everything.”
“It’s a start,” I retorted. “And I’ll figure out the rest. I mean it, Vadoma. Back. Off.”
I turned and walked away without looking back.
I was glad she wasn’t able to hear the racing of my heart.
I HATED to admit that, above all else, Vadoma had made a good point. It was easier being in Mashallaha when the people there weren’t being racist fucktards. It didn’t exactly endear them to me to see how fickle they could be with their affections. That night, as the celebration went on, it was like their previous actions had never happened. They smiled at me. They laughed around me. Men and women grabbed me by the hand and pulled me out to dance, spinning around and around as dresses and feet were kicked up. I had garlands of flowers placed around my neck, beads tied into my hair. They treated me as if I was one of them, as if I belonged.
If this had happened at the beginning, maybe things would have been different. But they hadn’t, and I saw through it for what it was: a farce.
Kevin was revered as he always was, regaling the crowd around him with stories that were expectedly untrue, not that anyone else knew.
Gary and Tiggy were given the same welcome I was. Tiggy was pleased, and Gary acted like he was too, but I could see the tightness around his eyes, the calculating look on his face when he thought no one was looking. He didn’t trust them in the slightest. After a while, I saw Gary lean over and whisper something into Tiggy’s ear that caused him to frown at the people around him, not that they noticed.
Ryan was ignored as if he didn’t exist. He was amused by it.
“You just think it’s funny because you’re the other woman,” I accused him as yet another new adoring fan of mine skipped away after not having even acknowledged Ryan sitting next to me.
“Wow,” he said. “That’s the first time I’ve ever been accused of that.”
I scowled at him. “If the high heel fits, you interloper.”
“Not one of my kinks,” he said easily. “Though I won’t tell you no if you want to try it.”
“That’s not… what are you even… holy gods, really? I mean, I don’t think I would like that, but what do I know? If you’d told me a few years ago I’d get off on fucking your mouth and coming on your face while I pulled your hair, I would have—scratch that. I would have believed that in a heartbeat. Holy shit, that’s super fucking hot. You know it’s—heeey, little girl who has apparently been standing in front of me long enough to hear me say something no little girl should ever have to hear. You look… pretty.”