Aurora looks up at me as she starfishes in the middle of my bed, her blond hair sticking in every direction. “You’ve slept beside me before.”
“I think having no room in that camp bed kept you in line. Now you’ve got the space you’re a pain. You kicked the shit out of me at one point; I felt like a soccer ball.”
“I’m sorry,” she says sarcastically. “Would you prefer if I left when you were asleep?”
“Asleep or in the bathroom?”
“Ouch, too soon to joke,” I wince playfully. “You know what, Callaghan, I’m going to Cabo to see my friend Clay. I bet he won’t bully me.”
“Are you trying to make me jealous?” I slip my feet into my sneakers and grab my keys from my dresser. “Because it’s working.”
“I’m trying to make you jealousy fuck me.” She sits up and her hair falls over her shoulders. She really is the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen. I can’t believe she’s mine. “I’m kidding. I’m just trying to make you laugh so you’re in a good mood for today.”
Bending to kiss her goodbye, I force myself to not crawl into bed with her. “We can do that later. I need to leave before I change my mind.”
“Are you sure you don’t want me to come? I can sit in the car outside.”
“I’m sure. I want to keep you to myself for as long as I possibly can.”
“Say no more,” she says, throwing herself back against the pillows. “I’ll be right here waiting for you when you come home. Remember you can leave any time and if you’re too overwhelmed to drive, call me and I’ll get you in an Uber.”
I never realized how important it was to have someone to share my concerns with until now. I thought being able to tell her about stuff that’s already happened was the biggest relief, but it’s experiencing it together. Knowing that she’s going to be here waiting for me, in whichever state I come back in, is a bigger comfort than her waiting outside of my parents’ house.
“What’re your plans while I’m gone?”
“I’m going to video call Emilia and Poppy and then I was thinking of maybe seeing if my mom wants to go to Café Kiley for a coffee.”
Aurora’s mom texted her last night with the message proud of you sweetie, so Aurora presumes her dad made a call after she told him she was done.
“And I might hide my things in your room, so you can’t bring girls who give you lap dances up here when college restarts.”
“Wait, what?”
“I’m going to hide notes in the pillowcases. The pillowcases are suspicious all on their own, wait until you throw them down and something crinkles beneath their head.”
“You’re unhinged,” I chuckle, bending to kiss her one last time. “Thank you for trying to distract me.”
“Yes,” she grins. “It was definitely a distraction . . .”
I sigh because I have to go but I could go back and forth with her all day. It’s weird having no kids interrupting us or constantly worrying we look too close. It’s fucking exciting that we’re already so happy together and the real part of our relationship is only just beginning. I kiss her, again, telling myself, again, that it’ll be the last time because I’m leaving. “Can you be good while I’m gone?”
“Usually with the right motivation.”
“And what will motivate you? Me thinking you’re good?”
She shakes her head. “You already think I’m an angel.”
“Not true. You’ve the opposite of angelic most of the time.”
“I want a Callaghan jersey. If I’m about to become a hockey girl, I need all the jersey chasers to know you’re mine.”
Mine. “Done.”
“Good luck. I’m proud of you and please remember to call me if you need me.”
“I will, I promise. Bye.”
After talking to Ethan yesterday on the drive home, I feel slightly better equipped for what I’m walking into. He’s promised me it’s an informal family discussion where we air things in a healthy way, and Dad has the opportunity to apologize for his past actions. It’s an opportunity for us to rebuild and heal, just like I’ve wanted.
There’s a hire car on the driveway when I pull up outside my parents’ house, so I know he’s already here. His band has a small break between shows, which is why he was so insistent it had to be now. Pulling the keys out of the ignition, a kind of wish Rory was here, but at the same time I’m glad she’s not.
Pulling out my phone, I send her a text, smirking again at what she’s saved herself as in my phone. She said she wanted me to know which one is her, given all the girls I’m going to attract with my newfound confidence.
RORY (THE HOT BLOND ONE)
Is it weird that I miss you?
Who is this?
You’re funny
I miss you too
Good luck x
Ethan bangs on the window beside me, frowning at me, and it’s like looking in a mirror that ages you. “Hurry up,” he says impatiently. “We’re waiting for you.”
My first thought is should I start the truck and drive away. I’ve wanted my dad to change for so long that I’m scared to start things. Anxiety is rumbling through me like a storm, but I’m trying to tell myself that things can’t get worse. I wanted change, it might be happening.
Ethan doesn’t wait for me to respond before walking back into the house and I slowly climb out, walking toward the house. I’ve never liked this house and it’s never felt like home. My parent’s sold my childhood home to buy this smaller one in a worse area, telling everyone they were downsizing after Ethan moved out and I was preparing for college.
In reality, they took the equity to pay off dad’s gambling debts, which led him to just start the borrowing process all over again. I feel like a stranger walking into the house, even though my face lines the walls.
Everyone is sitting in the living room and there’s a tension in the air, which isn’t exactly unusual for my family. Mom is the first one to act, by standing and giving me a tight hug. “Hi, Mom.”
“I’ve missed you so much,” she says, sounding like she’s tearing up. “Take a seat. I’m so glad you’re here.”
“We’ll let you two talk,” Ethan says, moving to usher Mom out of the room with him.
“Wait, what?” My heart starts to thud. I was told we’re having a family discussion, not me and Dad one-on-one. “This isn’t what you said, Ethan.”
He ignores me and my first instinct is to get up and leave. Dad looks better than he did a couple of weeks ago when I last saw him. The bags around his eyes are no longer dark, his face is less gaunt, I can see his things scattered around the living room. “Have you moved back in?”
He nods. “I’m sleeping in the guest bedroom. I was staying in a motel, checking in with your mom each day. We’ve talked a lot. I feel like all I do is talk at the minute but it’s good. I’m glad to clear the air and work on getting better.”
“I don’t know what make amends means, Dad. I’ve read about it and heard about it but I don’t know what it means for us.”
“I want to start by saying sorry, Russ.” I don’t say anything. I can’t say anything because I’m scared of opening my mouth. “And I want to say thank you.”
I can’t hide it, the thank you has caught me off guard. I’m so used to my dad pushing the blame onto everyone but himself. There was always a reason he was in a bad mood or was having a bad day and it revolved around how we all weren’t doing good enough.
“That day in the hospital when you told me how I made you feel, I thought that was my rock bottom, but it wasn’t because I didn’t change. I was humiliated that I’d made my own son believe vile things about himself—and why wouldn’t you? I’d been living for myself for years, not caring about anything or anyone. But I still didn’t change.”