She saw Dr. Mackey, the orthopedic surgeon who’d done Graham’s surgery the day of the accident, and he stopped to ask her how Graham was doing. Too embarrassed to say she didn’t know, she lied and said he was doing great.
She didn’t know if he was great or not. She hadn’t even let herself ask Mia if she’d seen or talked to him. The one time she had, the week he’d moved out, it had been too painful. He should have been out of his cast for two months by now. Was he walking normally? Going into the mountains with that breathtaking smile on his face, using the fresh air and adventure to forget about her and what happened?
Then, a firefighter came in. Turned out to be a sprained ankle from playing volleyball at the station, but anytime she saw someone brought back in that navy uniform her heart temporarily ceased beating.
Have you considered you’ll have the same reaction for the rest of your life, whether you’re with Graham or not? You let yourself get in too deep, and you’ll never go back.
She frowned at the thought as she walked to her car, telling her subconscious to shut the hell up. Her phone rang just as she tossed her purse onto the passenger seat and she dug it out before starting the ignition.
She glanced at the screen and winced, knowing she couldn’t keep avoiding her best friend.
“Hey, Mia.”
“Whoa, sorry,” came Mia’s voice. “I wasn’t prepared to interact with a live person. I had my standard Hey, it’s Mia, remember me? Call me back ready to go.”
“I’m sorry I haven’t.” Claire stopped short of giving excuses like, Work’s been busy or I wasn’t feeling well for a few days, because they were bullshit and they both knew it.
She wasn’t even sure she could fully explain why she’d put off talking to Mia. She missed her friend’s company and always felt better after spending time with her.
But Mia knew Claire better than anyone. She’d see too much and might ask questions Claire wasn’t ready to answer. For once, she was trying to sort through things on her own.
The emotional roller coaster she’d gone through at work today indicated it wasn’t quite working out as planned. It was probably time to hash things out with Mia, something they’d done countless times throughout their friendship.
She’d been a coward to put it off in the first place.
“No problem.” Another thing Claire loved about Mia—she didn’t hold grudges. “But I’m seeing you tonight and I won’t accept no for an answer. If you don’t want to go anywhere I’ll just come over.”
Even if Claire hadn’t come to her senses in the last two minutes, it was nice to know Mia would have forced the issue. Sometimes good friends had to barge in uninvited to get shit done.
“We can go somewhere,” Claire said. “I have some questionable stains on my scrubs, though, and based on the caliber of patients I saw I’d like to go home and change first.”
Mia emitted a grossed-out sound. “Please do.”
They decided to meet at a casual café halfway between their places, and half an hour later they were seated across from one another on the patio. They kept the conversation light while they ate and Claire’s ravenous stomach appreciated that. Being hangry wouldn’t encourage a calm, reasonable mindset.
But when the server took their plates and their orders for postdinner lattes and dessert, Mia leveled Claire with a look.
“Okay. Spill.”
Claire made a completely pathetic, half-assed attempt to deflect. “About what?”
“The last time we talked, you and Graham had admitted to being in love, had a huge fight, and you started talking to the hot dentist. Then you basically dropped off the face of the earth and started avoiding me.”
“Because I knew you’d ask me how I was. Like, how I really was.”
“Yeah, I’ve been known to do that.” Mia twirled long, dark hair around her finger. “So tell me how you are. Really.”
“I don’t know!”
Mia just looked at her across the table with the patience of a saint.
“I mean it. I really don’t.” Claire twisted her palm against her forehead. “That’s the problem. Some days I feel great. Positive, happy, and super stoked about how things are going with Matt. Other days I sort of fall into this valley where I think about Graham and wonder if I made a mistake. Rinse and repeat. Is this gonna go on forever?”
Mia, ever the reasonable one, suggested they break it down. “Let’s start with Matt. Tell me how that’s going. You seemed excited about him several weeks ago, so I guess it’s a good sign you’re still talking. Do you like him? Do you look forward to seeing him? How do you feel when you’re with him?”
“Yes, yes, and happy.”
“That’s great, Claire,” Mia said, genuinely smiling. “What do you like most about him?”
“He’s the whole package. Seriously. I don’t even care that he’s divorced—they grew up in super religious households and got married really young before they really knew who they were or what they wanted out of life. It sounds as if ending it was a mutual decision that benefited both of them.” Claire balanced her elbows on the table. “He’s so nice. Thoughtful. Funny, but in an unassuming way...like he doesn’t mean to be. Super smart. It’s nice he’s in the medical field, because he understands some of the stuff I deal with at work. It sounds so cliché but the only fault I can find in him is he almost seems too perfect. I keep wondering when he’s gonna realize I’m the kind of girl who speaks before thinking and shows every emotion on her face, even when it’s inappropriate.”
“You don’t think he knows that already?”
Claire shrugged. “I’ve been myself around him. It’s just...nice guys like him usually don’t stick around for long. But he seems pretty damn interested. It feels too good to be true, you know?”
“No. You’re a great catch, and the things you seem to think are faults are my favorite things about you.”
Claire smiled. “Thanks, friend.”
“Some of those nice guys want a woman like you, you know.”
“Maybe.”
“Can I ask a personal question?”
“No, we haven’t slept together yet.”
Mia laughed. “How’d you know that’s what I was gonna ask?”
“You blushed.” Claire shook her head. “Which is hilarious, knowing how you and Noah are. You’re no innocent.”
Mia’s flush deepened. “We’re talking about you, not me. And I think that’s great that you haven’t. I was just curious.”
Matt was definitely interested in taking their relationship there, but so far Claire had held off. While she wasn’t super conservative about it, sex was something that meant something to her. The arrangement with Graham had been completely out of character, but even if it had been based on a weird spur-of-the-moment understanding, he was still a man she’d known for years, liked (most of the time), and trusted. The chemistry between them, once tapped, had been off the charts.
Maybe some unconscious part of her had known all along it would be like that. She’d be lying if she said she was all that surprised about how good it had been.
It didn’t feel right to sleep with Matt when she was still unsure where her heart stood with Graham, even if the rational part of her had moved on and was impatiently waiting for the rest of her to catch up.
Sweet guy that he was, he didn’t seem to mind waiting for her.
“Have you talked to Graham?” Mia asked.
“Not once.”
Her friend’s brow was marred. “How’s that been? Going from living together for over a year, close friends, then lovers to nothing at all?”
“It’s not great,” Claire admitted. “Lovers part aside, I miss his friendship. I miss watching trash TV with him and going out for beers when we have hard days. I miss his sarcasm. I even miss his stupid dog.”
“He misses you, too.”
“How do you know?”
“For a while he avoided Noah like you were with me. I assume for the same reasons.”
It wouldn’t surprise her. The four of them were well versed in each other’s defense mechanisms.
“I’m the one who hurt him,” Claire said. “And I don’t think there’s anything I can do to fix it. So I’ve just been avoiding.”