Graham slammed the laptop closed without sending the email. He’d known the second he started typing he wouldn’t send it to Claire, but he wanted to write it, anyway.
Angrily swiping at his cheeks and relieved Chris wasn’t in the apartment to witness his breakdown, he leaned forward and put the computer on the coffee table. Using that sixth sense dogs had, Gertrude snuggled her way into his lap. He fell back onto the couch, aka his makeshift bed, and held his tiny dog, accepting her offer of comfort.
He let himself wallow for a few more minutes before pushing to his feet. He’d been cast-free for weeks now, and was pretty fucking motivated to bust through physical therapy with flying colors. He’d been religious about doing the recommended daily exercises, and continued his upper body regimen and riding the stationary bike set up in Chris’s living room. He’d lost a lot of muscle tone in his legs, which was expected but frustrating nonetheless.
It would be another month before he could climb again, and even then, he’d need to stick to easy routes for a while. He’d take what he could get, and planned to head to the mountains the very day his doctor cleared him.
Staying with Chris had been great for the most part. They got along well, and Chris didn’t mind that Graham came with a dog. But it was hard watching Chris leave for the mountains every few days, knowing if it weren’t for his accident, Graham would have been with him. But he didn’t want to wear out his welcome, so he’d started looking for other places.
Nothing was as good a deal as what he’d had living with Claire and Reagan, which only pissed him off. He tried to direct his anger to a third party, like the drug company who’d priced his mom’s medication so high and effectively reduced his monthly income by several hundred bucks.
She’d had fewer flares since starting the new drug, though, so it was worth every penny.
Speaking of his mom, she presented another issue entirely. She’d asked about Claire several times in the last few weeks. His dad even joined in, and when Graham asked why they were suddenly so interested in her specifically when they’d never been with past girlfriends, his mom had gone and wrecked him.
You were different when she was around, she’d said. It wasn’t the first time I’ve seen a woman look at you with interest, but it was the first time you seemed to realize you were worth looking at.
He’d ended that phone call pretty damn quick.
So far, he’d been able to avoid telling them he and Claire weren’t on speaking terms and had effectively terminated their relationship, if he could even call it that. But it wouldn’t be long before they figured it out.
A knock sounded at the door and Graham frowned as he stood. The only entrance to the apartment was directly from the store below, so Chris must have let someone up.
Graham opened the door to find Noah.
“Hey, man,” Noah greeted.
Graham stepped aside to let his friend in. “Hey. What are you doing here?”
“Had to drop my bike off for a tune-up and thought I’d say hi. You haven’t taken me up on any of my offers to grab a beer, and Chris says you haven’t gone much of anywhere other than work and physical therapy.”
Graham looked away and sat at the small kitchen table. “Just trying to focus on getting my strength back.”
“Are you sure that’s all it is?”
Glancing up to see Noah leaning against the counter, arms crossed, Graham lifted an eyebrow. “What do you want me to say?”
“Nothing in particular. I just want you to know I’m here if you want to talk.”
“I appreciate it,” Graham said. And he did. “I’ve actually been, um, journaling. It sort of feels like I’m talking it through, even if it’s not with another person.”
Not that Graham would have ever expected it out of Noah, but it was still a relief that his buddy didn’t bust up laughing.
“That’s cool. I’ve never thought about doing that before,” Noah said. “Might have come in handy ten years ago.”
Graham had thought about that, too. He was surprised how much he’d taken to it and wished he’d had an outlet like it after Nathan died. “Claire suggested it, actually. I’ve been doing it since a few days after I got out of the hospital.”
“Well, I’m glad you have something that’s helping. As long as you know I’m always happy to listen, okay?”
“Thanks.”
“How’s the physical therapy going? What are you allowed to do now?”
Graham stretched his legs under the table. “It’s good. I go three times a week and they’re happy with my progress. I can walk on it without restriction, but can’t do high impact things like running. Mountain biking’s still too rough, too.”
“Could you go on a hike? If it was an easier route?”
“I think so.” He’d thought about heading up to the mountains for something just like that, but kept finding reasons not to go. Going alone and taking an easy route didn’t hold the same appeal, and he didn’t want to bring his friends down with him.
His lack of enthusiasm probably had something to do with depression, too, which was hopefully temporary. He’d seemed to find a lot of reasons to stay in instead of hanging out with Noah or going out to eat with Chris.
“Wanna go hiking at Waterton Canyon tomorrow?”
Graham sighed. “You don’t have to do that.”
“Do what?”
“Offer a pity trip. I know you’d rather climb or hike a more challenging trail.”
Noah shook his head. “Nah. I love that stuff, sure. But it’s a lot less fun without you.”
Graham scratched at his jaw, ignoring the warmth settling in his chest. “Really?”
“Yeah. It’s been two months since we’ve done anything outside together, that pit stop at the tourist spot excluded. Turns out I miss hanging out with you. Who knew?”
“I don’t know why you seem so surprised. I’m a fucking delight.”
“Sunshine personified,” Noah deadpanned. “So put me out of my misery and come hiking with me tomorrow, okay?”
Graham rolled his eyes. “Fine.”
“Good. I’ll come by to pick you up at nine.”
“Fine,” Graham said again.
Noah cracked a smile.
“Good.”
27
One month later
It had been one of those days.
The ER was packed from the second Claire walked in to the moment she made her way back to her car. She’d officially transitioned and her responsibilities as an NP were different than they used to be as a nurse, but it definitely wasn’t easier.
She didn’t mind being busy, but it just so happened several things had reminded her of Graham today, which threw her off-kilter.
She’d spent the past month thinking, healing, and giving a relationship with Matt the dentist a fair shot.
He was as hot in person as his picture portrayed. Even better, he was as kind and funny in person as he’d been through messaging. He’d also been very up front about his divorce, which had been finalized a year ago, and no current girlfriends showed up to interrupt their first date. It was going surprisingly well.
As far as getting over Graham, some days were easier than others. But this past week in particular Claire had actually felt the possibility that she might be moving past what happened.
Which was why everything that happened today was so irritating. Could the universe not let her move on?
First, she saw Marvin, which sent her back to the night Graham had witnessed their good-night kiss. Which then shifted her memory to her first kiss with Graham, which had been incredible. Her traitorous heart compared it to her first kiss with Matt, which, while it had been sweet and surprisingly pleasant, had no hope of toppling Graham from first place on her list of Best First Kisses.