His mouth twitches, trying to keep in a straight line to re-enforce his threat.
I don’t think this man has any idea how funny he can be. He likes to think he’s serious and stoic, but he makes me smile more than anyone else I’ve ever met.
“Take me home, Shay.”
Ryan’s lungs fill with a deep breath before he grabs my duffle bag, links his hand with mine, and leads me towards the door.
“Indy, to make this clear, I don’t want a single daily update tomorrow!” Stevie announces from the couch.
“I’ll text you in the morning with details!”
“I’m getting a new number.”
“Aren’t we the cutest family foursome you’ve ever seen?” Zanders pitches in.
“Love you all,” Ryan finishes from the doorway, pulling me behind him. “Rosie most of all, of course.” Which is ironic seeing as Ryan has to take an allergy pill every time he’s with her, but happily does so anyway just to spend time at their place.
Across the street, he pushes through the doorway of our apartment, swiftly picks me up, and takes me to his bed, tossing me on the mattress. But not before I notice the scraps of papers that make up our relationship pinned back on the fridge.
His chest moves in relief as if seeing me in his house and on his bed has brought him peace. “Right where you belong.” His gaze scans the length of me. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For everything. For tonight. I think I’ve always wanted to have the team over, to have people over, but it scared me. To let people into my life has scared me.” Leisurely, he begins to unbutton his shirt, standing over me. “But you, having you here, I want everyone to see how lucky I am to have you in my home.”
While on my back, I watch Ryan hang his shirt in the closet. I thought about this countless times, knowing he wouldn’t be able to undress without putting every little thing where it belongs, but understanding why he’s like this gives me a whole new appreciation to his cleanliness.
The view isn’t half bad either. All this does is give me more time to admire his rippling chest and lean, muscular arms.
He’s so beautiful and protective and hardworking. How someone didn’t appreciate him is beyond me.
Ryan returns, crawling onto the mattress like a starved man. His hands push my hair away from my face, palms to my temples. “So, thank you, Indigo.”
My legs open around him without hesitation as I sling my arms over his shoulders. “You’re welcome.”
“Now, please, for the love of God, kiss me.”
“Are you sure? Because the other night when we…well, we didn’t kiss.”
His eyes bounce away from mine as he hovers over me. “That’s because I didn’t know what you wanted. I didn’t know if you just wanted to get off or if you wanted me.”
My brows pinch together. How did I not catch this before? How did I not realize he needs to be told how wanted he is? When someone else pretends to love you, pretends to want you, of course you need reassurance.
Tugging his chin, I force eye contact. “I want you, Ryan. I’ve always wanted you, but I didn’t know I could be so lucky to have you.”
That stunning smile is back. “Then kiss me, Blue.”
So, I do, soft and leisurely, nails raking over his neck. He cups my face, fingers threaded into my hair as we take our time more than we ever have before. For the first time, there’s not a question whether this is real. I know it is.
But I ask anyway.
“Are you just pretending?”
He pulls away, laughing deep and full. “I stopped pretending a long time ago, Ind.”
“I…I don’t want this if I’m just a convenience. You know, because I live here.”
Call me insecure, but I spent far too long in a relationship that was convenient and comfortable, and I refuse to do it again.
Eyes searching, they soften as he watches me. “I mean this in the nicest way possible, but Blue, you’re the most inconvenient thing that’s ever happened to me.”
My heart flutters, words sticking in my throat.
“If I was looking for convenience, I wouldn’t have gone years without touching a woman. Waking up and thinking of you, falling asleep and wishing you were there, it’s been distracting, tiresome, and goddamn infuriating, but I wouldn’t give you up for the world.”
I’ve been told beautiful things, lovely and romantic things. But being told I’m inconvenient simply because Ryan acknowledged he couldn’t continue living the lonely life he assumed was destined for him is one of the most romantic things I’ve ever heard.
His lips are back on mine, capturing and taking before they dot along my jaw, my neck, my chest.
“Thank you for listening to me last night,” he murmurs against my skin.
Guilt racks me. “Don’t thank me. I clammed up. You were telling me something incredibly significant, something essential to who you are, and I clammed up.”
He lifts himself, placing his chest on mine, laying on my body with his legs extended off the bed. I make a mental note that he hasn’t bent his right knee and soon, we need to stop so I can get an ice pack on it.
“You were perfect,” he reassures.
“I want you to know, it wasn’t your story that made me freak out. It was the thought that you wanted me gone.”
“I know.”
My thumb flutters over his freckled cheek. “How do you feel after talking about it?”
“Lighter. Like it matters less today.”
It does matter less, in fact, I could argue that it doesn’t matter at all. That just because someone made him believe his value is based on his income or his name and not him as a man, doesn’t make it true. And maybe he’s beginning to see that.
He bends down to kiss the smile off my lips. Mouths molding, our tongues tangle, my hands roam and my legs tighten around his waist. He keeps me still with a hand cupping my cheek while pulling my bottom lip between his teeth.
The way he kisses drives me feral. I couldn’t tell you the last time I made out with someone but rolling around in bed with Ryan Shay has me feeling like a teenage girl who has finally gotten her first kiss.
In some ways, this is a first. I’ve never been seen the way Ryan sees me. I’ve never been appreciated the way his eyes worship me. I’ve never been encouraged to be myself the way Ryan praises me to be.
“What do you want, Blue?” His voice is a low husk, but without pressing more, I know what he’s referring to. Our bodies grinding and writhing into each other know too.
I want him to fuck me. I can feel the bulge of his erection sliding against my leg, looking for friction. I want him inside of me, but more than anything, after last night, I’d rather we move at a pace that makes him realize I’m not her.
“I want you to set the pace.”
He stills, brows furrowing before he drops his head to my chest and kisses me there. His fingers intertwine with mine, pushing my hands above my head and into the mattress as his body rolls against me. He continues down my stomach, placing lingering kisses over my dress, all the while pulling the fabric up.