My eyes finally meet hers. “Fuck,” I exhale, bracketing her face and wiping the tears away with the pads of my thumbs. “Don’t cry, Blue. I didn’t mean to make you upset.”
She falls onto my shoulder, hiding her face. I take the opportunity to wrap my arms around her back as she melts into my touch.
“I wish I had known,” she whimpers. “I would’ve cleaned up after myself more. I thought you were just giving me a hard time about how messy I am. I don’t want to be a reminder of those days.”
“Oh, Ind. No, no, you’re not. I’m just teasing you about that.” I turn slightly, speaking quietly as I hold her. “I think it’s good for me, maybe. Having you here has helped me let go of some of my control.”
Indy wraps her arms around my neck, digs her face deeper into my shoulder, and tightens her thighs around mine.
“But I want to explain myself. When I say that basketball is all I have, I truly mean it. As pathetic as it might sound, it saved me even though it’s the reason everything fell apart in the first place. I was spiraling until a couple of years ago when I leaned into it. I dug myself out of that hole, I got my shit together, and put on a sparkling smile for the cameras. I stopped letting new people into my life, but at the same time, I moved my sister out to Chicago so I wasn’t alone. I started spending all my time in the gym because no one would be able to fuck with me there. I got my control back. The world expected me to be the best, so I became the best, but I wouldn’t allow anyone close enough to get a piece of it. Of me.”
Sitting up, she wipes at her face. “Why does it have to be all or nothing? Why can’t you be the best and trust that there are people out there that want nothing from you, other than a front-row seat to support you?”
“Because it doesn't exist. I haven’t had someone come into my life who wasn’t just looking for what they could gain from me. Use me. Take advantage of me.”
Until you, I want to add. Until you walked into my apartment and flipped my world on its head, unraveling every notion I had convinced myself of. Erasing every belief I once held.
“Oh,” she chokes out, blinking rapidly. “Okay.” She nods to herself. “Well, I guess this is good news for you then. That procedure I need to have in the summer, it’s covered by insurance, so I don’t need to save up for it anymore. I can move out.”
“Wait. What?”
Clearing her throat, she tucks her hair behind her ears, composing herself. “I don’t want you to think I’m taking advantage of you. God, that’s the last thing I want, Ryan, but I do want to help you. That’s why I pulled myself from my work trip. So, I’ll stay for a few days if that’s okay with you? Make sure you’re back to walking without those crutches, then I’ll find my own place.”
“No. Fuck, no. Indy, that’s not what I meant.”
“Oh shit,” Stevie says from the doorway, her eyes pinned on us. “I shouldn’t be here.”
My head snaps to her. Neither of us heard her unlock the door. Indy scurries off my lap, finding the other side of the couch.
Fuck my life. I haven’t had a chance to talk to Stevie about my feelings for her best friend, and she just walked in to find her sitting in my lap. Not only that, but my roommate is over here telling me she’s going to move out because I didn’t get to explain that those insecurities of mine don’t apply to her.
Stevie will understand. Hell, she’ll even be on board with this, but right now, I need to explain myself to Indy before she gets in her head more than she already is.
“I’m going to go,” Stevie continues, throwing a thumb over her shoulder.
“Good idea.”
“No!” Indy interrupts. “Please stay.”
She doesn’t look me in the eye when I snap my head in her direction. Indy sits at the corner of the couch, knees tucked up to her chest, evidently overwhelmed by our conversation. I’ve never dumped all that information on anyone before and now she’s sitting there with the belief that I think her living here is a form of her taking advantage of me.
It couldn’t be further from the truth.
27
RYAN
Spending the day at the gym and being able to do nothing but watch was torture. The team’s doctors and trainers poked and prodded at my knee while I sat my ass on a table and watched the team practice through a glass window.
Day one and I’m itching to be back out there. I’m not sure if I can handle four weeks of watching from the sidelines.
Ron and my coach gave me the option to stay home from road trips while I’m out, and I’ll probably take them up on the offer. Even at home games, I don’t know that I’ll be able to be on the bench. It’s too difficult, and honestly, my shitty attitude might be worse than my absence from the sidelines.
Stevie is waiting for me right out front of the practice facility in Zanders’ car. I can’t drive for a few more days, but the trainers were impressed with how well my swelling went down over the last twenty-four hours. I’ll thank Indy for that. She was doting and caring and concerned, pulling a typical Indy move by taking care of everyone else around her. But I’m not going to lie, I enjoyed being the center of her attention for the evening.
I got the okay to put a little weight on my knee by walking without the crutches, but I’m slow as fuck, lifting myself into Zee’s G-Wagon.
“Look at you! No crutches!” Stevie cheers from the driver’s seat.
“I’m not sure that’s much to cheer about, Vee.”
“Okay, cranky. I got you a coffee.” She gestures to the center console. “What did they say?”
“They were impressed by how much my swelling went down. They want me to walk on it a bit, but I won’t start any major movements until next week.”
“That’s exciting!” She puts the car in drive and starts us towards home.
“Is it?”
“Okay. Clearly, nothing is going to be good enough for you at the moment.” She shifts the subject. “What time do you need to be at team dinner? Do you need a ride or is Harold taking you?”
“I canceled it.”
“What? Why?”
Keeping my eyes towards the passenger window, I watch as Chicago zooms by. “Why do you think, Vee? I’m not in a good headspace. The last thing I want to do right now is take the boys to dinner and pretend like I didn’t let them all down.”
She stays silent, eyes on the road, mouth set in a hard line.
“See,” I continue. “Even my own twin is annoyed with me. Imagine how much worse I’ll be with other people.”
That puts a small smile on her lips. “I’m not annoyed with you, but your team still needs you. You’re still their captain.”
I brush her off. “Ethan is their captain. I just wear the title for the public.”
Stevie doesn’t elaborate or tell me how wrong I am, which is another sign that if my best friend can’t get through to me, no one can.
“So,” she shifts the subject. “Should we talk about last night?”
Stevie’s twin brain is synced with mine as I look out of the corner of my eye, finding my mirrored expression on her face, knowing smirk and all.