“Why, though?”
“I just did, Lily,” he said, frustrated.
They stared at each other in silence. The explanation that he was refusing to give to her suddenly became clear.
“It’s because of your parents, right? You’re still afraid for them to know.”
Nick didn’t say anything. She watched as he moved to scratch the back of his neck, but he checked the motion, returning his arm to his side.
“It would be different if you were someone who wanted to live in obscurity,” she said. “But I saw the look on your face at Elena Masterson’s reading. That was what you wanted for yourself. Keeping this secret is holding you back. I think you should tell them.”
“I can’t do that.”
“But why not, Nick?” she asked. “This is your life. You’ve been blessed with an opportunity that most people only dream of, and it’s what you’ve always wanted. How can you let it pass you by?”
“You wouldn’t understand. You didn’t grow up like me. You had a supportive family, not a father who acted like a parasite or a mom who couldn’t function without him. You didn’t have to check over your shoulder, waiting for some messed-up shit to happen because messed-up shit was always happening. I’ve had to protect myself my whole life because nobody else could. Everywhere you went you were surrounded by love, and that’s how you move through life, Lily. Like someone who knows she is loved. I didn’t have that.”
“But you have it now,” she said, growing frustrated too. “You have Marcus and Caleb, and Henry and Yolanda. You have me.” She softened her voice, wanting him to know that she was on his side. “You’re right, I didn’t grow up like you. I hate that you had such a rough childhood, and that you’ve spent so much of your life alone. Every day I wish could go back in time and change things for you. But that’s not an option. All we have is the present, and there is so much goodness in store for you. You just have to be willing to accept it.”
Nick was staring at her, his mouth set in a frown. She didn’t know if her words got through to him. He looked as miserable as she felt. Then he sighed, bone deep.
“Thank you. I know you’re just trying to help,” he said. “I don’t want to argue.”
“I don’t want to argue either.”
“I’m sorry,” he said quietly.
“I’m sorry too.” She rubbed her forehead. She felt more exhausted now than when she’d left the club.
“You should get some sleep,” Nick said. “I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”
“Okay.”
They hung up and Lily rolled onto her back and closed her eyes. Toward the end of their conversation, Lily had experienced a moment of clarity.
She was in love with Nick.
But she needed him to stop pushing her away. She understood that love was a risk, that it could be downright frightening. But she wanted to be with someone who knew the risks and was willing to take them anyway. She’d already spent too much of her life hiding behind her sisters and her own fears of inadequacy. She wanted Nick to be willing to open up to her instead of hiding.
The sudden sound of Violet wailing downstairs snapped Lily out of her contemplative mood. She jolted upright and saw Iris rush down the hallway, wearing one of Karina’s fancy guest robes. Lily hurried behind her.
Violet, Karina and one of Karina’s security guards were walking toward the living room. Violet was sobbing onto Karina’s arm as they wobbled to the couch.
“What happened?” Iris asked.
Lily sat on the other side of Violet and hugged her. She didn’t know what the issue was, but she knew that her sister needed comfort. Violet began blubbering, too emotional to speak. Karina held up her phone, and Lily bent forward, peering at the screen. She gasped when she realized what she was looking at. TMZ had posted a picture of Meela Baybee and Eddy, kissing on a beach. The headline read, Meela Baybee Gets Hot and Heavy with Her Manager.
“Oh no,” Lily whispered.
“That motherfucker,” Violet cried. “He said they were in Jamaica for a video shoot, but he was there because he was having a fucking affair.”
Iris scrolled through the article, her face grim. “It says here they’ve been secretly together since July.”
“Jesus,” Lily said.
“He didn’t even try to deny it!” Violet was sobbing again, burying her face in the couch cushion.
“Fuck him, girl!” Karina said. “He’s no-account! I been telling you that!”
Violet sat up and fiercely wiped her eyes, smearing her makeup. “The wedding is off. Fuck him. Fuck Meela Baybee. I should have never introduced them. I hope she does something stupid and gets canceled so that she can drag Eddy’s career down with her.”
“What do you need us to do?” Iris asked, crouching in front of Violet. “I’ll start canceling things in the morning. I’ll call the caterer and the DJ. Lily can call Mom and Dad.” Iris looked at Lily for assistance. “Right?”
“Yes, anything,” Lily said, jumping in. “Anything you need.”
“No,” Violet said, standing. She had a bright-eyed, feral look in her eyes. “Don’t cancel a thing. Because we’re still going to have a party. An anti-wedding party.”
“Um,” Lily said. She and Iris exchanged worried glances.
“Shit, that sounds good to me,” Karina said.
Violet abruptly left the living room. The squishy movements of her spandex catsuit echoed throughout the house.
“Let’s just give her a minute,” Iris said. “Do you have lavender tea, Karina? That always makes her feel better.”
“We might. Let me check.”
Iris followed Karina into the kitchen, and Lily glanced at Karina’s stoic, beefy bodyguard, who was seemingly unmoved by the hysteria.
When she could no longer hear the sound of Violet’s footsteps, Lily went upstairs to Violet’s guest bedroom. The lights were out, and Violet was curled in a ball in the center of the bed. Her shoulders were shaking. Quietly, Lily walked to the bed and crawled beside Violet, drawing the comforter up to cover both of them.
“I feel sick to my stomach,” Violet mumbled quietly.
Lily snuggled closer. “I’m so sorry, Vi.”
They lay there not speaking, breathing in tandem. After a while Iris appeared, holding a mug of tea. She encouraged Violet to sit up and drink a little. Then wordlessly, Iris climbed into bed too, and Lily thought about how they used to sleep in the same room on Christmas Eve when they were kids. Times were so much simpler then. Their years of heartbreak were miles away.
Their flight back to New York tomorrow morning couldn’t come soon enough.
25
Nick slowly pushed a shopping cart down the juice aisle at Piggly Wiggly, waiting patiently as Teresa picked the items she needed.