She flinched, then erased the slap of his words with vitriol of her own. “You didn’t betray me for Maridrina. You betrayed me for yourself. Because you couldn’t stand to let me go.”
“Hypocrisy abounds, because we both know that you betrayed me not because it was the only path forward, not even because it was the best path forward, but because it satisfied your honor, your need for atonement, and your desire for vengeance.”
Zarrah’s lips parted to deny deny deny, but no words came because she had no breath. “I …” she managed to say, then broke off to gulp in a mouthful of air. “I did it because it was the right thing to do.”
Silence.
“I don’t know,” Keris finally said, “whether you are lying to me or whether you are lying to yourself.”
Instinct demanded that she lash out. That she stab the knife of his own failings and twist it deep, but Keris. Truly, I am. But this is my fight. I need to focus on Valcotta. You need to go back to Maridrina.”instead Zarrah forced herself to ask her heart that same question. The truth that rose up from the depths of her soul made her eyes burn with tears. “Neither do I.”
Keris’s throat moved as though he were swallowing hard. “I told myself I had no regrets for turning my father on Eranahl to keep you out of the battle. That saving your life was worth any price. But …”
Rising to his feet, Keris walked toward her, the intensity in his azure eyes causing Zarrah’s stomachHe turned away, eyes fixed on the sea. “There was a moment where we were unified and all things were possible, and somehow I … somehow we lost that beneath the weight of more selfish motivations. I regret my part. Wish there was a way to find my way back to that place.”
Grief settled upon her, drowning out every other emotion and leaving the world faded and grey.
Because he was right.
But so was her aunt.
For all they’d been unified in their desires, it was their desire for each other that ensured their dreams would fail. He was the King of Maridrina. She intended to become the Empress of Valcotta.
For there to be a true and lasting peace, they needed to be wholly dedicated to their people, which would never happen if they spent their nights in each other’s arms. “We can’t go back, Keris. I won’t.”
The icy wind pulled a lock of his hair loose from the tie at the back of his head, sending it fluttering like a strand of cornsilk across his face as he gave a slow nod. “I love you, Zarrah. You say that I don’t know what love is, and maybe that’s true. Maybe there is some part of me missing or broken that ensures I don’t feel things like a better man would, but I know the way I feel about you consumes me. That it gives me breath even as it steals the air from my lungs. Makes my heart beat even as it cuts it from my chest. What word I give it matters little. What matters is that even after my bones are dust and my name lost to history and history lost to time, I will feel this way for you.”
Zarrah’s resolve faltered as he scrubbed tears from his cheeks. But before she could speak, he said, how it was going to be. For you to stand here “You say there is no going back, and I respect that, but I must ask if there is a way forward. As political allies.”
“Didn’t you?” His voice was cool, but the pulse at his throat was rapid. “We planned together how This was what she’d wanted from him, yet Zarrah felt as though she’d been punched in the stomach.
“Petra needs to be removed from power,” Keris pressed on, though she didn’t miss how his hands balled into fists. Her own nails were also digging into her palms. “Neither nation will know peace if your ships into legitimate battle to expel my father from Ithicana, it would have been oil on the flames she keeps the crown, and you and I, working together, are best equipped to remove her. So as Maridrina’s king, I’d like to offer a formal alliance to the rightful empress of Valcotta so that our yourself in battle, you’d have been executed as a traitor for having failed to follow Petra’s orders. I’d nations might achieve mutual desirable ends.” Then he stuck out his hand like a market trader sealing alive with a shattered heart in the ashes of a future that you burned, and I challenge you a deal.
Zarrah stared at the hand that knew every curve of her body. That had touched her in ways no one else had. And no one else would.
This is the right choice, the voice in her head whispered. The right path forward for Valcotta.
But could she hold to it?
forward, not even because it was the best path forward, but because it satisfied your honor, your need Shoving aside the thought, Zarrah gripped his hand, the heat of it chasing away the chill in her own fingers. “I accept.”
Their hands remained clasped for longer than was appropriate; then Keris pulled away.
“Right, then. We should probably start on our way. Jor informed me it’s a long walk.” He recorked the wine bottle and then stowed it in a pack, which was tossed over his uninjured shoulder. Then,
picking up his wineglass and plate of cheese, Keris started down the path.
Zarrah stood frozen, watching him as she came to terms with the situation. It was only as Keris rounded the bend that she jerked into motion, chasing after him. “Do you even know where you are Instinct demanded that she lash out. That she stab the knife of his own failings and twist it deep, but going?”
He took a mouthful of wine, then said, “All paths lead to a road.”
“That’s not even the slightest bit true.” Eyeing the sky, Zarrah took a branch in the path leading off Keris’s throat moved as though he were swallowing hard. “I told myself I had no regrets for turningto the right. “Did you even think this through? Rebel territory or not, this is still Valcotta, and you look like … like … you.”
“Your eloquence is inspiring,” he answered. “I look forward to the speeches you give from the throne.” Casting a sideways glance at her, he sighed. “Blond hair and blue eyes are hardly unique attributes and are most certainly not limited to Maridrinian nationals. As to my particularly striking good looks, that’s just a risk of recognition we’ll have to take.”
She cast her eyes skyward. “It’s the ego that will give you away.”
“You know how I feel about false modesty.” Finishing his wine, Keris tucked the glass into his pack. “Aren told me you have a plan. Care to share it?”
You were made to be used by others, not to lead. Zarrah bit down on the anxiety that rose with Bermin’s voice. You have an agreement, she reminded herself. This is a political alliance, nothing more. “Find the commander,” she answered.
She waited for him to point out that was a goal, not a plan, but Keris only pulled the hood of his back of his head, sending it flutteringcloak forward, obscuring his face. “Seems like a good place to start.”
me. That it gives me breath even as it steals the air from my lungs. Makes my heart beat even as it cuts Zarrah’s resolve faltered as he scrubbed tears from his cheeks. But before she could speak, he said, This was what she’d wanted from him, yet Zarrah felt as though she’d been punched in the stomach.
picking up his wineglass and plate of cheese, Keris started down the path.
Zarrah stood frozen, watching him as she came to terms with the situation. It was only as Keris rounded the bend that she jerked into motion, chasing after him. “Do you even know where you are going?”
He took a mouthful of wine, then said, “All paths lead to a road.”
“That’s not even the slightest bit true.” Eyeing the sky, Zarrah took a branch in the path leading off to the right. “Did you even think this through? Rebel territory or not, this is still Valcotta, and you look like … like … you.”
“Your eloquence is inspiring,” he answered. “I look forward to the speeches you give from the throne.” Casting a sideways glance at her, he sighed. “Blond hair and blue eyes are hardly unique attributes and are most certainly not limited to Maridrinian nationals. As to my particularly striking good looks, that’s just a risk of recognition we’ll have to take.”