If they weren’t who they were, because Lara knew as well as Zarrah what it was like to be used as a weapon.
“I see why he loves you,” Lara said. “You are everything each other is not, perfect foils, and I fear what he will become without you.” She squeezed Zarrah’s hand, then let go and rose. “And you without him.”
With that, the Queen of Ithicana left the room, leaving Zarrah feeling more alone than she had before.
as the hot liquid burned her tongue. Impossible as it was to believe, given the harm Keris had done to
How could she explain her state of mind to Lara when she didn’t understand herself? When she couldn’t organize her fractured and ever-changing feelings, over which she had nearly no control?
“There are things I must do,” Zarrah finally said. “For myself, and for Valcotta, and I’m afraid that if I allow Keris close again, they will not be done my way, but his.”
“Because you don’t trust him.”
Zarrah forced herself to meet Lara’s eyes, and it was so painfully similar to looking into Keris’s that her tenuous composure shuddered. “Because I don’t trust myself.”
Lara’s mouth tightened with sympathy, and she gave a slow nod. “I understand.”
“I know that I’m going to hurt him.” Zarrah took a deep breath to steady her voice, despite knowing it to be a lost cause. “And I know that means you and I will never be friends. But I hope that doesn’t mean we must be enemies, Your Grace.”
Silence stretched between them, the only noise the sea striking the ship’s hull as they raced over the waves, the roughness of the water mirroring the turbulence of her thoughts.
Then Lara reached across the table and took hold of one of Zarrah’s hands. Her skin was as marked with scars as Zarrah’s own, palms rough with calluses, yet traces of pink lacquer still gleamed on a few of her fingernails. The juxtaposition somehow made the Queen seem so painfully human, and Zarrah swallowed grief at the friendship that they might have had if circumstances had been different.
If they weren’t who they were, because Lara knew as well as Zarrah what it was like to be used as a weapon.
“I see why he loves you,” Lara said. “You are everything each other is not, perfect foils, and I fear what he will become without you.” She squeezed Zarrah’s hand, then let go and rose. “And you without him.”
With that, the Queen of Ithicana left the room, leaving Zarrah feeling more alone than she had before.
“KERIS. KERIS, WAKE up.”
He groaned, eyelids peeling open even as pain slapped him in the face, his whole
body still feeling like it burned. A face swam above him, and he blinked, focusing on
Lara.
“You need to wake up,” she said. “We’re in sight of the Valcottan coast.”
His sluggish mind struggled to process her words, but he finally managed to say, “Whatever you drugged me with, don’t give it to me again.”
“You needed rest.”
“That wasn’t rest,” he muttered, still feeling the terror of the nightmare that had repeated over and over.
Getting an elbow under himself, he tried to get upright, but pain turned his vision white. “Fuck,” he said through his teeth. “It hurts worse than it did before.”
“Anything I give you will knock you out,” Lara said, easing him up.
“Then pain it is.” It took a fair bit of self-control not to scream as she shoved cushions behind his back. “Your nursemaid skills leave something to be desired, sister.”
Lara snorted. “You’re lucky you’re not a ripening corpse.”
Visions from his dreams filled his mind’s eye, and Keris flinched, covering the motion by guzzling the glass of water she handed him. “Is she …”
“She’s fine.” Lara refilled his glass and then adjusted his blanket like he was some sort of invalid.
Which was perhaps accurate. “She just needs space.”
Keris’s chest tightened, because the person Zarrah needed space from was him.
What did you expect? the voice whispered. For her to be sitting by your side?
“We’re taking her to join the rebels,” Lara said. “Then we’ll return to Ithicana. We’ll make arrangements for you to return to Maridrina, and then I suppose we’ll wait to see what strides Zarrah makes with the rebels. You need to rest. Regain your strength.”
She was right, but there was too much to do. “I need to speak to Zarrah.”
His sister looked away, her jaw tightening. “I don’t think that’s wise. Better to leave her be.”
Keris shoved away the bowl of broth she’d placed in front of him. He realized now that when he’d told Lara that he didn’t expect Zarrah to forgive him, he’d been full of shit. That in his selfish and arrogant core, he’d thought that risking everything to rescue her would matter. That it would earn him, if not another chance, then at least some form of … of … well, he didn’t know exactly what.
The door opened, and Jor stepped inside. “We’ve found ourselves a cove north of Arakis, but we need to be fast. There are patrols, and they’re quick to sink those they believe are attempting to avoid port taxes.” His eyes locked with Keris’s. “The plan is to bring Zarrah to the beach by longboat, then part ways.”
Did she even plan to say goodbye?
He’d sailed half the continent, risked life and limb, to haul her ass out of the worst prison in the known world, and he wasn’t even worth a goddamned goodbye.
“Aren’s asking for you,” Jor said to Lara.
His sister made a face, then said, “Stay with Keris. Make sure he doesn’t do anything that will aggravate that wound.” Then she rounded on him. “You’re Maridrina’s king. Your kingdom is a mess, yet you’ve left it in the hands of a half sister you barely know, all the men and women who run it duped into believing you’re in Ithicana by Ahnna and her forgers, who will have your people convinced you’ve agreed to God knows what. You need to go back, and Zarrah needs to press
forward. She will need your support, but you can only give it from Vencia. You can only give her what she needs if you are Maridrina’s king, and that means you must be apart.”
“If I go back and something happens to her, what then?” he asked. “How long until Petra, her rule secure, marches north? Maridrina doesn’t have the strength to defend Nerastis when she decides to take it. Doesn’t have the strength to stop her if she presses north, taking my territory and slaughtering my people. In going to war with Ithicana, Father played into her plans, because Maridrina is weaker now than it has ever been, and me sitting in his tower in Vencia will not change that. Ensuring Zarrah has the chance to take back the crown will.”
“Never mind that Zarrah’s twice the fighter you are, how do you expect to help her when you’re barely out of your deathbed?” Lara threw up her hands. “She doesn’t even want you with her, Keris.
Getting an elbow under himself, he tried to get upright, but pain turned his vision white. “Fuck,” he She wants to do this alone. So let her.”
Rather than answering, Keris slowly climbed to his feet. “Take care of yourself, Lara.” He caught hold of her chin, forcing her to meet his gaze. “You are the queen Ithicana needs, little sister, and in time, it will become the kingdom you deserve.”
Her eyes flooded, though no tears escaped. “You’re an idiot.” Then she flung her arms around his middle, squeezing him hard before twisting away. “Jor, take care of him.”
The old Ithicanian exhaled a long breath after she’d left, then turned to Keris. “Want me to find you something stiff to drink so you have an excuse for doing something stupid?”
“Yes,” Keris answered. “Though I suspect it will take more than one drink.”
Keris shoved away the bowl of broth she’d placed in front of him. He realized now that when he’d arrogant core, he’d thought that risking everything to rescue her would matter. That it would earn him,