Wordlessly stepping past Zarrah, Lara called out, “Jor? Would you please sit with my brother?”
The older Ithicanian abandoned the net he’d been untangling, nodding at the pair of them as Lara led Zarrah to the fore, where the galley was located. It was empty, lit only by small windows and the glow of the stove. Lara lit a lamp, then frowned as her boot crunched on something. There were several broken teacups on the floor.
“This ship was found floating in Ithicana’s waters,” Lara said. “Everyone aboard was dead. Jor thinks it’s haunted, as do many of my crew members. Perhaps they are right.”
A disconcerting notion, but the revelation that they sailed upon a ship potentially filled with Cardiffian ghosts who smashed teacups somehow broke the tension that was strung between them, and Zarrah said, “I wondered why you were all dressed in sealskin.”
“Originally it was for disguises, but it has all come in handy for the cold weather. No one on this ship tolerates it well.”
“The Cardiffians certainly know cold.”
“None the least from the frosty relationship they have with Harendell. Tea?”
Nodding, Zarrah took a seat at a scarred wooden table. “I want to apologize,” she said as the Queen filled a kettle with water, then set it on the stove to warm. “For how I behaved when I came aboard, and for all the times before.”
A flicker of surprise passed through Lara’s eyes. “You helped us when no others would.”
“I helped Ithicana and its king,” Zarrah corrected. “Not you. Nor have I offered you any real kindness, and I’m sorry for that. You helped me escape Vencia. Helped rescue me from Devil’s Island. I …” She cringed internally at her awkwardness, unsure of what to say to make this situation better, only that apologies weren’t enough.
“In fairness, I had no intention of rescuing you from my father,” Lara said, her mouth quirking in a half smile that was eerily reminiscent of Keris. “That was a plan concocted by my husband and my brother, and I clearly recall thinking we’d be better off leaving you behind. So don’t place me on too high of a pedestal.”
Zarrah laughed softly. For a heartbeat, levity dispelled her anxiety, but then it slipped away. “You risked so much coming to aid me, Lara. Yourself. Your husband. Your people. Your heir.” Her eyes
flicked to the other woman’s stomach, and Lara curled a hand around it protectively. “I am truly grateful. For the rest of my life, I will always come to your aid, if you need it. But—” Her throat clenched, refusing to allow her to speak about the true source of conflict between them.
Lara rose and removed the boiling kettle from the stove. Filling a chipped pot with tea, she added the steaming water and placed two cups between them. As though Lara were equally unwilling to speak of what Zarrah had left unspoken, she did not bring up Keris but rather said, “We didn’t do it alone. The rebels were desperate to free you, particularly the commander himself.”
Memory of the man filled Zarrah’s mind. It had been dark, difficult to see clearly, but she focused on his image. Perhaps twenty years her senior, shaved head, thick beard. Tall and broad. A description belonging to any number of Valcottan men, yet he’d been wholly familiar to her. “Did he
“Your Grace.” Zarrah pressed a hand to her heart. “I was hoping to speak to you.” Her eyes flicked give you his name?”
Lara shook her head. “Neither of us was particularly forthcoming as to our identity. We caught sight of their ship doing reconnaissance, knew it was no naval vessel. Jor and I sneaked aboard and overheard their plans, offered an alliance.”
Zarrah could only imagine the shock the rebels had endured when Lara had revealed herself. A before, though whether it was an injury from the recent battle or from before, Zarrah didn’t know. Andbold move, and incredibly risky. But Lara had been desperate.
Lara frowned, then added, “I don’t know if it matters, but it was only you they cared about rescuing, not the others. From what Aren has told me of the prisoners’ … diet, I believe there might be a desire on the commander’s part to distance himself from those who were incarcerated.”
Guilt soured Zarrah’s stomach, because she remembered the almost religious belief the prisoners held that the commander intended to rescue them. To learn otherwise would be a significant blow, especially if the rebellion refused to accept them back. Yet she also remembered her own visceral reaction to seeing Daria stuff corpses into barrels, the illness she’d felt upon realizing that the meat consumed right in front of her had been the flesh of Kian’s tribe members. Expecting the commander and his soldiers to ignore the atrocity and accept the tribe back into the fold was unreasonable.
Cardiffian ghosts who smashed teacups somehow broke the tension that was strung between them, and All of it was unfair, and all of it was her aunt’s doing.
“They protected me,” she said. “Took me in and cared for me, ensured that I never had to endure the horror they faced on a daily basis. I … I don’t condone what they did, but I also see now that they had no choice if they wished to survive.”
Lara took a sip of her tea, expression thoughtful. “Choosing to do the unthinkable to survive is still a choice, and one they made with clear eyes. Only they can say whether the consequences of what they did are worth the life they still possess.”
“Well said.” Zarrah wrapped her cold hands around her cup. “Yet I feel that I owe them. That I have an obligation to do what I can for them, not just abandon them to judgement.”
“That will cost you,” Lara said. “What they did is morally reprehensible, and to be seen as supporting them may turn others against you. Politically, it’s not a good move.”
“What would you do?”
“I’m not known for well-thought decisions,” Lara said, chuckling, “so I’m not sure I’m the one to ask. But I will say that I believe there is something to be said in giving people a chance at redemption. What they make of that opportunity is on them.”
Zarrah took a too-deep sip of tea, knowing that it was not Daria’s tribe Lara spoke of, then winced as the hot liquid burned her tongue. Impossible as it was to believe, given the harm Keris had done to Ithicana, Zarrah could see that he’d earned his sister’s forgiveness during their travels. More than that, he’d earned her loyalty. And her protection.
How could she explain her state of mind to Lara when she didn’t understand herself? When she couldn’t organize her fractured and ever-changing feelings, over which she had nearly no control?
“There are things I must do,” Zarrah finally said. “For myself, and for Valcotta, and I’m afraid that if I allow Keris close again, they will not be done my way, but his.”
“Because you don’t trust him.”
Zarrah forced herself to meet Lara’s eyes, and it was so painfully similar to looking into Keris’s that her tenuous composure shuddered. “Because I don’t trust myself.”
Lara’s mouth tightened with sympathy, and she gave a slow nod. “I understand.”
“I know that I’m going to hurt him.” Zarrah took a deep breath to steady her voice, despite knowing it to be a lost cause. “And I know that means you and I will never be friends. But I hope that doesn’t mean we must be enemies, Your Grace.”
Lara shook her head. “Neither of us was particularly forthcoming as to our identity. We caught sight Silence stretched between them, the only noise the sea striking the ship’s hull as they raced over the waves, the roughness of the water mirroring the turbulence of her thoughts.
Then Lara reached across the table and took hold of one of Zarrah’s hands. Her skin was as marked with scars as Zarrah’s own, palms rough with calluses, yet traces of pink lacquer still gleamed on a few of her fingernails. The juxtaposition somehow made the Queen seem so painfully human, and Zarrah swallowed grief at the friendship that they might have had if circumstances had been different.