“If you contact me again, I’m going to tell everyone how you used to drop me off at your friends’ houses for sleepovers where I got raped.”
He shuts his mouth. The frown grows grim. I feel a flinch of fear. He could always kill me. That’d take care of his problem. A part of me still wants to believe that he would never purposefully hurt me. That he loves me. Maybe he does, but it wouldn’t matter in the end. He hasn’t shown me the love I needed from him. Ever. Loving someone and treating them like shit is something I learned from him, I guess.
I want to believe that I deserve more. That I could one day be the kind of person who would welcome someone like Matt into my life. Where I don’t fuck up the relationship out of fear, and go looking for people who will hurt me, again and again. I don’t know how to change yet. But that’s the next journey I get to look forward to.
“I’m leaving now,” I tell him. “Goodbye.”
I’m practically hyperventilating by the time I make it back outside, past the car and the gates and down the sloping pathway into the street. I pull out my phone. This was technically bought by my dad, too. Fuck. I’ll really have to do an inventory and deep clean to get rid of everything bought by him. I get to the Uber app and type in the address. I keep looking over my shoulder with spikes of fear, terrified my dad will follow me down the road, screaming abusive shit at me again, but he never comes.
The car pulls up. The driver frowns at me from the front seat. He eyes me for a second, and I know he recognizes me, but maybe Uber drivers deal with celebrities all the time. “La Jolla?” he says. “Really?”
I get into the back, slamming the door shut. I didn’t bring a duffel or anything. The clinic said to come empty-handed. “Yeah. Really.”
Inside Hollywood Blog
Publicity for the film ‘Write Anything’ has begun, with its stars gracing the covers of various magazines and appearing at events leading up to the film’s release. Matthew Cole has taken the brunt of the publicity with a promotional tour alongside castmates Julie Rodriguez, Keith Mackey, Scott Anders, and Monica Meyers. Most notably missing is lead actor Logan Gray. Inside sources say that Gray has checked into the Blue Skies Mental Wellness and Rehabilitation Clinic near San Diego.
Interviewers have remarked on how well Cole has been handling the stress of the promo tour. He says that he has had plenty of support from his castmates, especially Rodriguez, whom Cole says he is happy to call a friend. While many are disappointed Gray will not be in attendance for the promotional tour or the film’s red-carpet premiere, it seems Cole will be just fine on his own.
Film Critics Magazine
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Romance: Matthew Cole sat with our editor Kate Anderson for an interview about the film “Write Anything.”
Kate Anderson (KA): Thank you so much for joining me, Mattie.
Matthew Cole (MC): Thanks for having me.
KA: I’m dying to ask you questions about “Write Anything,” but first—how have you been?
MC: Well, there’s no point in trying to beat around the bush. Everyone knows that Logan Gray and I broke up. Honestly? I’m heartbroken. I began to care for him and love him. I still do.
KA: It’s rare to find people who’re willing to admit they still have feelings for their exes.
MC: It’s only the truth. I love him.
KA: Can I ask what happened?
MC: We turned out to not be what each other needed, I think.
KA: How do you feel about Logan now?
MC: I don’t harbor any bad feelings toward him. I wish him happiness and peace. I really do. I’m grateful to him, in fact, because he helped me discover more about myself, too.
KA: I think that’s why so many people love you, Mattie. You exude love and compassion. That must be helpful for acting in a romantic film like “Write Anything.”
MC: You could say that. Acting as Riley Mason forced me to be more truthful with myself and my emotions. My own wants, instead of putting everyone else before me. I think there was a lot of growing I needed to do, too.
KA: It’s amazing how much acting can change a person.
MC: Yes. I agree.
Happily Ever After: A Memoir
by Matthew Cole
Having worked in romance through films, stage productions, and eventually writing for so much of my life, I have learned one thing: audiences expect a holding-hands-into-the-sunset, sparkly fireworks, wedding-bells sort of happily ever after. A part of me resents this. I’ve come to think that real people with trauma might just begin to believe that love isn’t meant for them. Their stories don’t look like the romances we see on bookshelves and screens. Some would argue that a story that focuses on a person’s pain isn’t even a true romance.
Throughout my career, I eventually learned not to force a fake happiness into the roles I play. I once feared that audiences would turn away from the less-than-happy emotions. Romances that are forced to have a happily ever after make me even sadder, I think, because I can feel the lack of authenticity, the attempt at washing away the pain instead of facing it. True joy can’t shine until we work through the darkness and look at the trauma—until we begin to heal. Isn’t it more satisfying, then? To see a happily ever after that has been fought for in the end.
Mattie
The cabin hasn’t changed much. The trees have grown even more untamed. The lake still shines, glimmering beneath the blue sky. The air feels like it’s a blanket of peace. I stand on the shore and breathe.
Logan isn’t here. I’ve questioned if I should come back at all. Every time I return, what am I hoping for? I know better now, I think, than to fall into old patterns. Logan still feels like an old pattern. Closure, maybe. I think I come back always hoping for some sort of closure—hoping he’ll be at the cabin, waiting to tell me everything I’ve needed to hear.
I climb back into the car and start the drive to the hotel. My flight is in a couple of hours, back down to LAX. I’ve been living in Los Angeles for a few years now. I couldn’t get used to the idea of living in the Hills, but I’m in a neighborhood close to where Logan was staying in West Hollywood before he left. I hadn’t had a lot of space yet from everything that’d happened when I first bought the apartment, following the release of Write Anything.