Oh no.
I knew exactly what pain they felt across their backs; I knew they were seeing in gray tones; I knew exactly the feeling of emptiness they were describing.
I wanted to vomit. Cry. Scream. Faint.
“What are you three waiting for? Climb over.” I jumped as Malum’s voice crackled through the earpiece hanging around my neck.
“We’ll figure it out later—we just wanted you to know what we’ve found,” John said as he pulled the hood over his head. “It’s not a big deal, we don’t know anything for certain yet.”
Luka nodded as he mimicked his motion. “Don’t worry.”
Too late.
I was having a full-blown panic attack.
What was wrong with my soul? Was I soulless?
It would make sense.
The twins gestured to the wall, and with tingling limbs, I climbed over as they followed close behind.
“What took so long?” Scorpius snarled when I got to the other side.
I barely noticed the courtyard, festive lights, and tinkling bells.
I barely noticed the black corridors.
Ungodly screeched. Animals roared. Blood splattered.
Jinx yelled inside my head.
I was a visitor inside my own body, a soulless husk of bones that fought mindlessly. Perhaps that was all I’d ever been.
An ungodly shrieked in my face.
Malum shoved me aside and ripped its head off with his bare hands.
An infected stabbed an enchanted sword at me, and I dodged, then spun and gutted them. An ungodly ripped from their flesh, and I gutted them too.
Some infected shouted taunts, some fought silently, and others pleaded for mercy that was not mine to give.
The twins fought surrounded by dark shadows.
I grunted as an infected landed a punch to my stomach. Before I could retaliate, Scorpius viciously broke both his arms and legs.
Later, an infected male screamed something derogatory in my face. Luka grabbed his tongue, slicing it clean out of his mouth before gutting him.
I blinked.
A man got too close to me, and John stabbed him, then stomped on his face.
I blinked.
Orion cracked the neck of an infected who almost landed a blow on my arm.
I blinked.
Malum lit three infected on fire as they approached me.
I blinked.
Scorpius and John sliced the limbs off an infected whose sword lightly grazed the side of my leg.
I blinked.
Luka and Orion silently disemboweled an ungodly together.
I blinked.
Malum set a room of infected on fire.
I blinked.
My sword skewered three infected at once, and John yelled “good work” at me while the men handled the ungodly.
I blinked.
Green and red were splattered across corridor walls.
My boots stuck to the floor as I ran after my prey. I left a trail of cobalt ice in my wake. Smoke curled from the pipe permanently lodged between my lips.
The haze stole time.
Purpose.
Meaning.
An ungodly shrieked into my face, and I screamed back.
Sun god save my broken soul.
Chapter 42
Aran
SPIRALS
Phthisis (noun): a progressively wasting or consumptive condition.
DAY 30, HOUR 13
Knock.
A person stood outside the closet door.
Ice coated the floor beneath me.
Knock. Knock.
Did no one have respect for the champions of war anymore? If I were a man, they never would have interrupted me.
I was obviously holed up in the dark closet of the medical barracks for a reason.
The reason was an extremely important meeting between two champions of the gods. Highly classified business.
Supplies were piled high all around, and my knees were tucked against my chest. A box of needles dug into my ribs. Outside the closet, doctors ran about, treating wounded soldiers.
A gurney rattled as a man cried out in pain, and across the room a woman moaned.
Doctors yelled instructions.
Knock-knock-knock-knock. Two shadows obstructed the sliver of light under the door.
“Go away,” I ordered.
“You’ve been in there for hours,” John said. “People are starting to worry—I’m worried about you, Aran.”
I inhaled enchanted drugs and enjoyed how the smoke burned my lungs.
“You don’t need to,” I said hoarsely. “I’m doing amazing.”
There was a pause.
“For some reason I don’t believe that—please come out.” John sounded tired and frustrated. “We still need to talk about what we told you earlier. All three of us can face this together.”
“Later,” I said. “I’m having an important meeting.”
An elbow jabbed my stomach.
Sadie repositioned herself.
“Sorry,” she whispered, then rammed her elbow into my face. “Sorry again, my foot’s numb, and I’m trying to get feeling back into the damned thing.”
“Control your limbs, woman.”
She huffed as she knocked over a box of supplies. “Cool the attitude. I’m not the one who insisted we needed to talk in a closet after a battle. You know I love you, but sometimes—it’s hard to be supportive.” She paused. “This is one of those times, in case it isn’t clear.”
“Wow,” I said. “Excuse me for trying to have an important business meeting with just the two of us.”
“Why are we having a business meeting in the closet?” Sadie asked.
“For the privacy—duh.”
Sadie flung herself forward and strangled me. Her acrylic nails jabbed my skin. Boxes fell over and needles clattered on the floor.
Never mind. It was a hug.
Sadie held me tight. Even fully clothed in our uniforms, her body heat contrasted with my chilled flesh. I shivered and hugged her back.
It was nice.
My nose wrinkled, and I coughed at her stench. “This is kind of gross,” I said as I tried not to inhale through my nose.
She squeezed me harder. “I’m not the one who said we didn’t have time to shower. Just don’t think about all the gore rubbing between us right now. Dripping and mixing—”
I shoved her off, and she laughed as more boxes fell.
She was insane.
A third shadow appeared outside the door. “Get out of the closet, Sadie,” Cobra ordered, “or so help me sun god, there will be consequences.”
Sadie clacked her nails together. “Try anything and I’ll tell Jax that you’ve been secretly bullying me.”
Cobra hissed like a snake as he kicked against the door. “He’ll never believe you.”
“Please,” Sadie said. “We both know that’s not true.”
“Aran, are you sure you need more time in there?” Luka asked, his voice tight with worry.
“Yes,” Sadie and I replied in unison.
Cobra and John whispered something to each other. After what sounded like a long tense debate, the three men walked away from the closet.
I didn’t trust them.
“Finally, they’re gone,” Sadie said. “Now we can—what were we doing again?”
“Talking about highly classified secrets,” I whispered conspiratorially.
“Well, then get on with it.” Sadie clapped. “You said we had an emergency that we needed to solve. Let’s do it.”
She clapped again in my face.
“Really?” I asked.
She clapped as fast as she could.
I fantasized about a friendless, lonely existence.