I wheezed before my jailer.
“Stand up,” Dick ordered, voice tight with annoyance like he found me deplorable.
It took a few fumbling tries, but finally I pulled myself off the ground using the doorknob, back pressed against it as I put as much space between us as I could.
Watery hiccups racked my slight frame.
“Stop acting so pathetic,” he spat with disgust as he glared at me like I’d disappointed him.
I covered my mouth, but the hiccups didn’t stop.
Copper, snot, and tears pooled across my hands as I trembled. A pitiful mess.
How easy it was to break me.
Shame cornered me. The ability to suffer is a small matter—weak women and even slaves can achieve mastery in that. Nietzsche’s sexist observation was so much crueler because it applied so perfectly to me.
How easily I suffered.
It made me feel miniscule.
I was nothing like Aran.
The disgust that choked me as my knee shook and I gagged on blood was almost worse than the pain in the first place. I hated the sight of blood because it made me woozy.
Another weakness.
Spots slowly receded from my vision, and a noise of shock escaped me as I stared down at the innocuous gold cuff sitting on the floor between us.
I knew from experience that a similar cuff was hidden by enchantments on his own wrist.
“W-W-Why?” I asked shakily as I stared at the invisible metal still heavy on my other wrist.
The sense of foreboding increased.
I wasn’t fool enough to believe it was an act of goodwill.
After I’d used my voice and frozen the worthless shifter who’d kidnapped us back in the beast realm, Dick had increased the number of cuffs from one to two.
He’d neutered me completely.
Sun god forbid I defend myself from attack.
His expression was bored as he pocketed the removed cuff and walked toward my cowering form, then his face twisted with cruelty. “Let me make this very clear, little girl.”
I bristled with indignation because we both knew I was a woman.
It was a mortifying ordeal to be at his mercy.
Dick’s voice was hard as steel. “Make no mistake, your abilities are still mostly constrained. If you try anything—I will personally eliminate you. Your worth only extends as far as you allow yourself to be used, understood?” His voice cracked like a whip, and I jumped.
“Yes,” I said through gritted teeth as I lifted my head and pretended to be stronger than I was.
His expression changed to boredom, and he said clinically, “Seventeen men and women have already been killed in this war. The numbers are unfortunate, and our projections of the war efforts are not pretty. We’ve calculated that all able bodies will be necessary to defeat the ungodly—you’re included in that number.”
I waited.
Tears and snot still running down my face.
He smirked.
“Are you not able-bodied?” he asked mockingly as he stared at the space where my leg used to be.
I fisted my hands and didn’t rise to his bait.
Instead I said slowly, “My species is banned from the High Court realms. If I use my other abilities, I will be executed. I’m not ignorant of my situation.”
“In peacetime, yes.” He smiled condescendingly. “This is war, and the High Court has made an exception on your behalf. Just like we did once before.”
I wrapped one arm around my stomach protectively. “I didn’t want to.”
Instinctually I shielded my organs from a predator that wanted to disembowel me.
He tipped his head back and roared with laughter.
“We both know you’re always the aggressor.” His expression flatlined. “Don’t we?”
“How do I know this isn’t a trick to get me arrested?” I enunciated each word as I tried to steady my jumbled thoughts. It was next to impossible with the pain radiating through my face from my broken nose.
His face was a mask. “You don’t.”
A long moment passed as neither of us spoke.
“Is that all?” I asked haughtily.
We kept staring at each other, and the longer he stood above me, the more I wanted to scream.
He smirked and said, “The High Court will be unable to procure you a prosthetic or hover chair, now—or in the future.”
A ringing echoed in my ears.
“Excuse me?” The room swayed around me. “How am I supposed to get around, let alone fight?”
He tipped his head back and laughed. “You have to keep the monsters neutered. Otherwise, they’ll turn on you.” He smirked. “We both know you’ll be fine.”
Fingernails digging into the concrete wall, I gestured with my head for him to leave.
Time expanded.
He didn’t go.
Muted orange light glowed around Dick, and his features hardened. “You’ll still be punished nightly to ensure your compliance. If you attempt to use your abilities outside of battle, I’ll be alerted and you will be eliminated. If you attempt in any way to overthrow the High Court or work against our objectives—you’ll be eliminated.”
Silence stretched.
Again he smirked. “Am I clear?
“Crystal.”
He rubbed his hands together as he turned to leave. “Glad we could have this chat. Like usual, if you tell anyone about this situation, you and everyone you care for will be tortured beyond recognition.”
He stared into my eyes like he was trying to read my mind.
Inside my head was a vast black lake, and if he tried to step a toe inside the waters, he’d drown.
A part of me wanted him to try.
Breaking eye contact, he shook his head and said, “You’re the only person in centuries who has dared to challenge me.” He smirked like he knew something I didn’t, like he was complimenting me on my strength.
Blood poured down my nose as my nails scraped against concrete.
I didn’t feel strong.
I felt like broken glass, shattered across the floor.
Dick opened the door.
“Wait,” I blurted out, and he stopped but didn’t turn to look at me as frigid air wafted into the room.
For a split second, his side profile changed into something marble-esque. He looked like a familiar statue.
Dick’s ruddy features returned, and I blinked rapidly.
Snowflakes blasted against my skin as the room’s temperature dropped further.
“Why take one cuff off now?” I asked. “Why not wait until there are fewer soldiers? Why do this now? What do you know about the war?”
Dick left without another word, and the door swung closed.
Outside, I glimpsed a towering figure in a dark cloak. Their blue eyes glowed like lightning and were staring directly at me. They always accompanied him.
The door slammed shut.
I slid down onto the floor. For a long moment, I lay panting as shock permeated my bones. The silence surrounded me.
Cradling my throbbing face, I acknowledged that Nietzsche would be satisfied.
The abyss had gazed back into me.
And it hurt.
Warren started when he returned a few minutes later and found me dejectedly sprawled out.