When he got to his car, he slammed the door and turned the key in the ignition. He didn’t look back as he drove down the street. His thoughts felt like a bowl of murky water that was impossible to see through clearly. He drove and drove without much thought as to where he was headed. When he stopped at a red light, he turned to look out the window, and there was a neon sign lit for a local bar. His old local bar, The Viper Pit. He’d driven there without even realizing it. And he remembered the feel of the leather stools, the faint lull of the jukebox, the dark lighting, and corner booths that made it easy for him to disappear for hours behind drink after drink.
He could do that again now. Going home wasn’t an option as Sophie would be there, maybe even his family, and he wasn’t ready to face them or their questions. But he could park his car, walk inside the bar, and order a drink. Just one. Just to have that old familiar comfort of placing an order. Then, later, he could go home and not think about this awful day ever again. He just needed something to take the edge off the throbbing pain that coursed through him and wouldn’t go away.
When he slipped into the cracked red-leather booth, a bartender in jeans and a T-shirt immediately approached for his order.
“Vodka neat and a soda water,” Dash said.
He would just hold the vodka, smell it, raise it to his lips, and then put it back down without taking a sip. The very act of being in the bar would be enough to get him through this day. His phone buzzed and buzzed and buzzed, and eventually he took it out and saw Sophie’s name on the screen. Sweet Sophie, who had done so much to save him but couldn’t. What would she think if she saw him in a bar? He didn’t deserve Sophie. He’d never been good enough for her and never would be.
So when the bartender brought him two glasses, one with vodka and one with soda water, Dash took the one with vodka, brought it to his lips, and inhaled it. He wasn’t going to drink. He wasn’t. But then his phone buzzed again, and this time it was his mom calling.
His old instincts kicked in, and without too much thought, he threw back the vodka like he’d never not been drinking. The burn of the liquid flooded his mouth and warmed him completely. He wanted more.
“Another,” he called out to the bartender.
33
SOPHIE
Sophie was a fucking mess, to put it lightly. She’d anxiously tapped her foot so hard that the heel broke off, and she’d nearly thrown her phone when the Lyft app told her it would be a twenty-minute wait for a ride.
Poppy and Kitty were tensely arguing with each other. But no one other than her seemed to be concerned about the fact that Dash had disappeared and wasn’t returning anyone’s calls.
Sophie sharply exhaled, steeled herself, and approached Poppy.
“Do you happen to have Chris’s phone number?” Sophie asked.
“Chris?” Poppy said, maybe annoyed. “Who are you talking about?”
“Dash’s best friend, Chris.” Sophie was also getting annoyed. She understood Poppy was still mad with her, but did they really have to play these games, especially when Dash was MIA?
“Never heard him mention a Chris before,” Poppy finally said as she eyed Sophie.
Sophie sucked in her bottom lip. Dash had kept so many secrets from everyone around him, so she wasn’t surprised he’d kept Chris from Poppy, too.
She just needed to find Dash to let him know she would be there for him, no matter what.
Her Lyft was ten minutes away, which felt like a lifetime. She scratched the side of her head as she went into her texts and tried Dash again.
Dash, please, just tell me you’re okay.
I’m coming home and we can talk about this.
Text me back.
She spotted Kitty out of the corner of her eye—smiling and making small talk with people in the room. William, however, didn’t seem to be able to plaster on a smile, the way his wife had.
“This day is so messed up. First my mom intentionally hurting Dash, and then you not only keeping the fact that you’re dating my brother a secret from me, but also that he has a drinking problem.” Poppy crossed her arms.
“Could you not make this about me and you right now?” Sophie’s nerves were wrapped as tight as a rubber band, and she was about to snap. “Your brother, who is a recovering alcoholic, just experienced a traumatic event. He’s sensitive about his sobriety, and I’m worried that this whole thing pushed him too far. He’s just trying to stay sober.”
Poppy frowned. “Too far?”
“I don’t know, but he’s not answering my calls or texts. I’m worried about him, and you should be, too.”
Poppy licked her lips and studied her. “Okay, I’ll drive you to his place, but you have to tell me everything,” she eventually said.
“Dash is the only one who gets to tell his story. I’m sorry.” Sophie hoped that Poppy could put aside her feelings and see the bigger picture before it was too late. “But, please, let’s go. I want to make sure he’s okay.”
Without another word, Poppy tucked her purse under her arm, grabbed Sophie, and led the way to the exit.
When they got to the house, Dash’s car wasn’t there, and Sophie’s concern mounted when she spotted Chris sitting outside the gate.
“I saw the livestream,” Chris said by way of greeting, and a worried line worked its way between his brows. “He’s not with you, then?”
“No,” Sophie said. “Do you know where he’d be?”
“We can check the AA meeting we used to go to, but I want to go to his old spot first.” Chris dug the toe of his shoe into the dirt, exhaled, and waved for them to follow.
The Viper Pit was a bar that smelled exactly as Sophie imagined, stale and smoky. Dash was hard to miss as he relaxed against the seat of a booth with his rumpled blond hair and button-down shirt. He had a drink in one hand and looked up when they came in.
His eyes were glassy and red, as if he’d been crying. And when he caught sight of them, his jaw clenched. He wouldn’t look at her, but Sophie kept her eyes locked on him, because she needed him to know she was there.
“Let me get him,” Chris said.
But Sophie wanted to help, too. “Is it okay if I talk to him first? If you think it will make things worse, I won’t.”
“Sure,” Chris said. “But, Sophie, you’ve never seen him intoxicated. He might say or do things he wouldn’t normally. Don’t take anything personally.”
“I won’t,” Sophie assured him.
“I can’t believe I didn’t know any of this,” Poppy said quietly.
“It’s not your fault,” Chris said. “All we can do is help him through it.”
Poppy nodded, then looked to Sophie. “Let us know if you need backup.”
Dash didn’t say a word as Sophie slid into the booth next to him. She could no longer smell his clean, earthy scent, only vodka and something spoiled. His body was loose in a way she wasn’t used to, and she held a steady palm on his back.
She wasn’t often at a loss for words, but here was Dash, the man she so deeply cared for, and he was in pain. So much pain that he’d had to numb all of it with the one thing he’d worked so hard to remove from his life. She stroked the side of his face with her fingertips and brushed the hair from his eyes.
“Let’s get you home” was all she said.
“I don’t deserve a home. Or you.” His voice was soft and his words slurred together.