Unfunny Kyle: Sophie who?
She glared at the text. It was possible he had multiple Sophies in his life, she was just a little dubious that he didn’t have her name saved.
Sophie: Lyon
Unfunny Kyle: Roar ??
She put her face in her hands and instantly regretted texting him. Maybe she could just forget she’d messaged him at all.
Almost as quickly, another winner of a text came through.
Unfunny Kyle: Sure thing, little miss lion, get ready to purrr.
Sophie didn’t have long to wallow in the unfortunate wake of texting Kyle, though, as there was a knock at the door. She checked the time, and it was already past seven, which meant Carla had arrived for their date night.
When Sophie opened the door, the sun had set, which should’ve cooled the air, but outside still felt warm and stagnant. Carla stood in her hospital scrubs with a headband holding her hair back from her face. Sophie felt an intense rush of déjà vu at the familiar sight. There had been so many nights where Carla would come to her place after a long day of surgeries and making rounds, and Sophie would massage her shoulders while Carla picked a show for them to watch. They’d had the kind of effortless domesticity that Sophie had always wanted and that she hoped to find again. Maybe that could be with Carla.
Sophie stood on her tiptoes, wrapped her arms around Carla’s neck, and brought her in for a kiss. The kiss was a kiss—not fireworks, but still intimate—and Sophie tried to focus on Carla’s thick hair between her fingers and the way her soft lips curled up with pleasure as they stood locked together.
“Hey,” Sophie said as she pulled away.
“Hey.” Carla grabbed Sophie’s hands and held her there.
“Are you hungry?” Sophie pulled her hands back as she took out her phone. “We could order something.”
“No worries, I got us tacos.” Carla picked up the paper bag at her feet and walked through the door and into the house. “I remember that you don’t cook.”
Sophie could do this. She could refocus her energy on Carla, the same way she’d been zeroed in on Dash. Carla had wanted a future for them, and Sophie wanted one, too. Or, rather, she wanted to want one.
So when Sophie closed the door behind them, she also gathered her courage. She didn’t wait for Carla to settle in. If she was going to say the things she’d always been afraid to, she would just have to do it.
“Carla, I need to tell you something.” Sophie wrung her hands as she spoke. “I realized that I have this...pattern with people I date where I just kind of let them decide everything for me, like, what we do, where we go, what we eat. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes I like when those decisions are taken off my plate, so to speak, but if this is going to work, I want you to get to know me.”
“Okay.” Carla crossed her arms and studied her. “Do you not want the tacos?”
“No, no, I very much want the tacos. Tacos are delicious. But I’m just saying, like, moving forward.” Sophie gestured in front of her, as if to the future.
Carla gave an affectionate smile and placed the take-out bag on the kitchen table. “I can do that.”
“So you’re okay with everything I said?” Sophie’s hand had instinctively gone to her pacemaker, and she held a finger against the scar there.
Carla opened the bag of food and began to take tacos out one at a time. “I want you to be yourself. If ordering food does that, then you will order food.”
Sophie waited for the familiar swirl of tension that came whenever she was in a situation that might make her unlikable. Confrontation made her skin crawl. She’d spent so much time making sure everyone else was happy that she hadn’t spent much time being clear about what made her happy. But relief swept through her like a balm.
“So how do we do this?” Carla’s hands were on her hips, her stance was wide, and she looked like she was analyzing next steps in a surgical case. “Do you want to talk about what happened between us?”
“Maybe it’s better if we just start over.” Sophie approached Carla and rubbed her hands across her shoulders. “I held back a lot when I was with you, but I want to make this work. I don’t need to hash out everything that went wrong.”
“Okay.” Carla finally relaxed, and her hands fell to her sides. “I just want to be here with you.”
Those words were so sweet and earnest that Sophie wanted them to punch her in the gut with flutters, but none came. Still, Sophie wrapped her in a hug, and Carla embraced her back, and they stayed like that for a few long moments. Sophie breathed in the soapy scent of her and tried not to think about how Dash smelled like the earth and freshly cut wood.
Because the thing was, she could see a life with Carla. They could be good together if Sophie stayed away from Dash.
But when Carla’s fingers wove through Sophie’s hair and pulled her bun loose, Sophie tensed. Carla gently grabbed a handful of her hair and tilted Sophie’s head back so they locked eyes as she searched for permission, but Sophie wanted to take things slow, especially as she learned to set boundaries and speak about her own needs.
As Carla leaned in, Sophie stopped her with a finger. “Could we just hang out tonight? I want to get to know you again before we...”
Carla’s full lips parted, then closed. She straightened and loosened her hold on Sophie, but not unkindly. Finally, she said, “Yeah, let’s just...be together.”
Sophie knew there had been a moment between them, and she’d not ruined it, exactly, but she hadn’t played along either. To her surprise, though, Carla wasn’t upset. She was just trying to recover from the small rebuff. Sophie gave her space by grabbing plates from the kitchen. As her back was turned, she took a deep breath and reminded herself that she’d be lucky to be with Carla—a successful doctor who’d already proven herself to be relationship-ready. Still, as they arranged themselves in front of the TV, none of what they were doing felt quite right. Because what Sophie wanted was to be seated next to Dash, with all those annoying fluttery feelings between them.
24
DASH
Dash wished he was sharing a table with Sophie. But instead, he was seated across from Cindy—or, as he’d known her best, @craftycindy. Cindy was tall and thin and wore her straight brown hair down and around her face. But her curtain of hair couldn’t hide the intense way that her eyes had locked onto his.