“What are you doing up?” he asked a few seconds later. I was briefly hypnotized and couldn’t answer. He looked older. Weary. But no less handsome. I tried to focus on the question.
“I couldn’t sleep,” I said warily. It must have been the first time since we met that we’d talked to each other in a remotely normal fashion.
He nodded and looked at Thor.
“I see you’ve got him on your side. My dog’s a traitor.”
I smiled involuntarily when I saw that Nick really seemed irritated.
“You know,” I joked, “it’s not easy to resist my charms.”
Shit.
We paused and looked each other in the eye. Then he turned to the TV.
“Are you seriously watching cartoons?” I was happy for this change of subject.
“Mulan is one of my favorites,” I confessed.
He grinned, and I felt the butterflies in my stomach again.
“Chill, Freckles, it used to be my favorite, too. When I was four years old.” Despite his sarcasm, he came over and flopped down beside me on the sofa, resting his feet next to mine on the coffee table. For a moment, we watched the film in silence.
This was too weird. And just when I thought it couldn’t get more uncomfortable, I noticed Nick was staring at me. I froze, knowing how close together we were. This new Nick had nothing to do with the one I’d met when I arrived. He was so relaxed, with not a trace of that disdainful attitude from before…and in his eyes, there was a sadness he was incapable of hiding.
“Where were you?” I whispered. I had no idea why I’d spoken so softly, but I felt strange asking him. I didn’t want him to know I actually cared what he’d been doing.
“With someone who needs me,” he said, and I knew from his way of speaking that it wasn’t just another one of his girls. “Why, did you miss me?”
I felt him coming closer to me, but I didn’t move away. Something about him being here made me want to smile and had taken away that sorrow, that pressure in my chest, that I had felt the entire day.
“I don’t like being all alone somewhere so big,” I admitted.
His hand stretched across the back of the couch and made me feel like I was suffocating when it tenderly stroked my hair and then my earlobe. Time seemed to stop. I didn’t hear the movie or anything but his respiration and the mad beats of my heart.
“Good thing I’m here then,” he said, and bent over, pressing his lips into mine. It was a warm kiss and full of expectation. I closed my eyes and let the moment take me away, lifting my hands to his face to feel his stubble against the palms of my hands and then his hair. His lips were insistent, and I opened mine and let his tongue inside. I got goose bumps when he reached down past my shoulders, touched my ribs, came to a stop at my waist.
This was nothing like the other night. His touch was warm, soft, as if he were afraid of breaking me. I heard myself moan almost inaudibly as his hand moved from my waist to my back, which I arched almost involuntarily to let him closer to me. Then I acted without thinking at all.
I sat up, stretched a leg across his lap, and rested on top of him. He looked hypnotized and sat up to squeeze me in his arms. Our kissing was deeper now, more eager, and his hands were all over me. But just as I thought I would melt, I stopped, opening my eyes, my mind a blank. That was what he did to me—made me forget everything—and that was exactly what I needed.
I saw he was looking at my lips, and I needed him to kiss them again, but instead he pulled away, turning serious and telling me, “This isn’t right. Don’t let me do this again. You’re my stepsister, and you’re seventeen years old. This can’t happen again.”
He got up and left me on the sofa.
I was angry and hurt. First he kisses me, and then he says these things? And what did my age matter? I wanted him back, wanted him to make me feel good again. I needed him more than ever because this day had been horrible. I’d felt like shit, with no one to talk to, no one I could even call. Everyone I loved either was busy or had betrayed me.
“If you don’t want this to happen,” I said, “stop trying to make it happen. You were the one who started it all three times.”
I shoved past him, shouted, “Come on, Thor,” and went upstairs to my room. I slammed the door and got into bed. But I, too, saw that he was right: it couldn’t happen again.
* * *
The next morning, a familiar voice woke me, cradling my ribs and rocking me back and forth.
“Get up! It’s after twelve!” my mother said. I opened my still-sleepy eyes and saw her sitting beside me looking radiant. “Did you miss me?” she asked with a big smile. I smiled back and sat up to hug her. Finally she was home! Of course I’d missed her. She was the one normal thing in my life.
“How was New York?” I asked, stretching out and rubbing my eyes.
“Incredible! It’s the best place ever for shopping. I brought you a ton of presents.”
As I walked to the bathroom, I remarked sarcastically, “Great, Mom! Like I don’t have enough clothes I don’t wear already.”
While I washed my hair and brushed my teeth, she sat on the toilet lid and talked to me about all the amazing places she’d been.
“I’m happy you had such a good time,” I said, walking off to my closet and looking through everything hanging there, uncertain what to put on. It was easier when you didn’t have so many clothes, and that was why I kept going back to my suitcase, which was half-open on the floor. A part of me refused to unpack it because that would mean that all this was real, that I was staying here and there was no turning back.
“We’ve got plans today, Noah, that’s why I came to wake you up.” When I heard the tone in her voice, I was sure I wouldn’t like what she was proposing.
“What plans?” I asked, one hand on my hip.
Walking past me, my mother started looking slowly through the dresses in my closet.
“We’ve got an interview at St. Marie’s.”
“An interview where?”
“At your new school, Noah. I told you, it’s one of the best in the country. Not just anyone can go there, but thanks to William’s contacts and the fact that Nick is an alum, they’ve agreed to meet you,” she said patiently. “It’s just a formality, but you’ll want to see the school, it’s something else.”
I wanted to puke.
“Dammit, Mom! Couldn’t you have just stuck me in some regular school?” I shouted, jerking the hangers back and forth. I was completely freaking out. “I don’t want to go to some stuck-up school, I told you that. Plus, why do I need an interview? It’s not a job, for God’s sake.”
“Noah, don’t start. This is a big opportunity. People who go to that school end up at the best colleges, and they’re willing to let you in as a senior, which isn’t something they usually do.”
“So I’m gonna be the weirdo who got in because I’ve got a hookup? Great, Mom.”
She crossed her arms. That was the gesture she always made when her mind was made up, so I knew there wouldn’t be any more arguing about the subject.
“You’ll thank me in the future. Anyway, your friend Jenna goes to St. Marie’s, so you won’t be on you own.” At least that was one thing I was happy to hear. It was consoling to know that I’d have someone to be with at lunchtime. “Now get dressed. We need to be there in less than two hours.”
I sighed and looked around until I found a pair of black skinny jeans and a sky-blue shirt. I wasn’t about to put on a gown or anything like that. Just the thought of how the girls at that school must dress gave me the creeps.
* * *