I switch the monitor on and the screen comes alive with the image of Alyssa. She’s lying on her bed with her t-shirt hiked up over her belly, running her hands over her small stomach as her lips move.
I turn the volume on and catch her voice mid-sentence. No—mid-song. She’s singing to them.
“… Papa’s gonna buy you a mockingbird… and if that mockingbird won’t sing, Papa’s gonna buy you a diamond ring…”
I find myself leaning in. It’s a fucking siren song drawing me into deep water, I know that—but I can’t stop. The combination of watching her rub her belly, sing to our babies, and say the word “Papa” kindles something inside my core.
My spirits rise.
The possessiveness in me does, too. Those are my children. And my woman. The first part is natural and welcome. The second part is problematic, to say the least.
I can’t let these babies derail my determination. Alyssa and I were doomed the second she put my siblings in danger. I can’t allow her to enchant me the same way she’s done with the others.
No matter what my heart says.
No matter what my dick says.
I have to stay strong. I have to hate her. Hate is the only thing that will protect me from drowning myself in her.
So I stand corrected: she’s not my woman. She’s merely the incubator. A vessel to meet my needs.
That’s all she can ever be.
13
ALYSSA
With all the vitamins and medications circulating around in my body, I feel better, physically speaking.
But mentally… that’s a whole other minefield.
The foremost worry in my head is obviously Polly. At the top of every hour, I hope that this will be the one when someone comes into the basement to tell me that Polly’s been found. That she’s safe and unharmed and I can finally sleep easy at night.
But hour after hour passes and no one comes.
The other worry taking up space in my brain is Uri. His nonreaction to finding out we were having twins together breaks my heart all over again every time I think about it. All I can do is cling onto the stupid, desperate hope that he’ll come around.
Then there’s the host of other little worries that fill the in-between space between the two of them.
What does my future look like? Is Lev okay? Does he ask for me at all? How’s Elle doing? Did her wedding go smoothly? Have my parents even noticed that I’m not around anymore? Am I going to be trapped in this basement forever?
Is all this stress going to affect my unborn children?
I’m able to keep food down a little easier, but it’s a struggle. My appetite still says “hell no” to every bite I shove down. I keep fighting the good fight, though, if for no other reason than to give my children the nutrients they need.
My one and very unexpected solace has come in the form of Uri’s brother. Nikolai visits at least twice a day. Apart from congratulating me on the babies, he steers away from any topic that’s too personal. I don’t question it too much; I’m too desperate for the company.
Right on cue, he walks in with a plate of cherry danishes for me. We sit in the kitchenette, me nibbling on a pastry and him sipping black coffee, as I contemplate breaking our unspoken rule.
“How’s Lev?”
His face twists up with discomfort. But it’s been a while since I’ve seen sunlight and it’s driving me insane. It’s also making me more and more restless.
“He’s fine.”
“Why do you look like that?”
“Like what?”
“Like you’ve swallowed a bad oyster.”
“I did once. Spent three days on a toilet.”
I wrinkle my nose. “Thanks for that info. And the visual. But it’s not enough to distract me. What’s going on with Lev? Is he having nightmares?”
Nikolai sighs. “The abduction really messed with his head. And his head wasn’t exactly calm before the abduction.”
My chest tightens with guilt. “How bad is he?”
“Uri and I take turns spending time with him. But we can’t be with him around the clock. George handles the majority of the shifts and when he can’t be here, Svetlana takes over.”
“D-does he ask for me?” I venture. Nikolai clears his throat uncomfortably, so I nod in resignation. “I’ll take that as a yes. Uri is preventing him from seeing me, I’m guessing?”
At that, he doesn’t do more than sigh. Why do I get the feeling that the brothers aren’t exactly seeing eye to eye on certain things? Definitely Lev. Possibly me?
“I… I never meant to hurt either one of them. You know that, right?”
“Fuck me,” he mutters under his breath before looking up. “I know that, Alyssa. Believe it or not, Uri does, too.”
I shake my head. “That’s just wishful thinking.”
“No, it’s insight. Insight into the complicated mind of Uri Bugrov. He’s just angry. And at the moment, he’s helpless just like the rest of us—and that’s a bad combination. He’s punishing you because he needs someone to blame. It’s easier than admitting that he messed up.”
“How is any of this his fault?”
Nikolai raises his eyebrows. “He messed up the moment he brought you here and he knows it.”
I can’t help wincing. It was stupid of me, I know, but I’d started to think that maybe part of him actually liked me.
He holds up a hand when he sees the look on my face. “Hey now, don’t take it that way. I don’t mean it personally.”
“How else could you possibly mean it?”
“You were the next-door neighbor, Alyssa. He should have just let you go back to your little neck of the woods. You wouldn’t have been involved in this world. But not only did he decide to keep you here, he decided to expose you, too. That, more than anything else, made you a target. It put you in danger and it put Lev and Polly in danger right along with you.”
I shiver, remembering the night that Uri and I met. I can still feel the breeze between my thighs as I dangled on the fence. It was every bit as cool as my cheeks were blazing hot.
He was the one who forced me to stay for dinner that night. As far as I was concerned, I’d have happily run back to my tiny little home and buried my head in the sand for the rest of time.
Part of me wants to get mad. He insisted I stay. He bandaged my leg. He swept all the plates off the table and devoured me like I was his last meal.
But I could have resisted, right? I could’ve said no at any point and I know beyond any doubt he would’ve stopped instantly.
Nothing was forced. It was something I did because I wanted to.
I sigh and let my face fall onto my crossed arms on the countertop. “I should have just forgotten about the package. Written it off. I should never have hopped that godforsaken fence.”
“Coulda, woulda, shoulda,” Nikolai says with a shrug. “There’s no point going down that road, Alyssa. It’ll only drive you insane.”
I push my half-eaten danish away. As delicious as they are, I can’t force down another bite.