I narrow my eyes. “If the conversations were totally innocent, then why did you delete them?”
“Self-preservation,” she throws at me. “I knew you’d fly off the handle. Like you’re doing right now.”
“Then why’d you do it at all?”
“Because she’s my friend, Uri. She’s my best friend and she’s getting married tomorrow and I won’t be there.” A sob escapes her lips but she keeps going. “I won’t be at my best friend’s wedding because I’m trapped here with you. I owed her an explanation at the very least. So yeah, I broke your rules and I contacted her and you’re damn lucky I did, too, because she was on the verge of contacting the police and filling out a missing person’s report!”
Her chest rises and falls heavily as she waits for me to break the pregnant silence.
I storm forward and push her up against the wall. This time, it’s different though. I’m not gentle and I’m not trying to be. I want her to know I mean business. I want her to know that I’m dangerous.
Her eyes are huge as my hand wraps around her throat. “You don’t have a right to privacy in my territory,” I snarl. “You don’t have a right to anything here.”
“Y-you’re… hurting… me.”
Her voice is small and trembling but still, I don’t remove my hand. Her eyes are filled with tears but she never removes them from my face. Somewhere, in the midst of those deep cerulean eyes, I can see that I’ve taken things too far. I’ve crossed a line that I might never be able to come back from.
And when I see the shock give way to fear, that’s when I know I’m right.
All the rage inside me shrivels. The animal inside me backs down.
But it’s too late. It’s too damn late.
I drop my hand and step back. She grabs her throat as though she’s worried I’ve ripped it right off. She stares at me with wide, accusing eyes.
And I see myself reflected in them. Not a brother or a pakhan or a righteous man protecting the ones he loves.
Just a desperate coward who’s losing control.
57
ALYSSA
The slam of the basement door feels like a gunshot.
I slide down to the ground as the sobs come in, deep and guttural and drenched with desperation. I pull my legs up, rest my head on my knees, and cry until I’ve expelled what feels like all the water in my body.
I need to get out of here. I need to get the hell out of here.
It’s the only thing I can hear past my own sobs. My neck is raw where he touched me. It feels as though he singed off the first layer of skin and now, I’m exposed and vulnerable. That’s how the rest of me feels, too. The slightest wind would bowl me right over.
I didn’t think I’d ever be here, like this. Sure, Uri is dangerous and powerful and sometimes aggressive. But he would never hurt me. He would never threaten me. He would never do anything to make me feel unsafe.
Except he just did.
So there goes that unearned confidence, crumbling to dust. And in the wake of it, what do I have? Nothing. No choices, that’s for sure.
I have to do this. Not just for me.
“For you, too,” I whisper, pushing my legs away from my chest so that I can look down at my still-flat belly.
I put my hand on my stomach and try to sense the life growing inside me. It’s been twenty-four hours since I accepted the fact that my sore breasts, queasy belly, and lack of period were more than just stress symptoms.
I don’t need a doctor to confirm it. I don’t need a pregnancy test or a close read of the Plan B box to know that all those precautions didn’t add up to shit. All I need is this feeling in my core. Call it nausea; call it instinct. Call it freaking karma, I don’t know.
I just know that I’m carrying Uri Bugrov’s baby.
I wake up the next day feeling strangely calm and strangely focused.
I didn’t fall asleep until late but at least I slept through the night. Free of dreams or pee breaks, I come back to reality feeling… well, if not refreshed, then at least ready. Ready to take action, ready to do something.
Stripped of my sole lifeline to the outside world, I steer clear of the gaming station and wait for the inevitable visit from Lev. He shows up right after breakfast, his breath smelling of milk and sugary cereal.
“Morning, Lev. How are you?”
His face curdles as he takes me in and his gaze drops to the bruises around my neck. I can’t blame him; I spent the better part of the morning staring at the aggressive purple-blue streaks banding my throat. They look a lot worse than they feel, but for the purpose of my plan, I’m fine with that.
“What happened?” he asks, immediately agitated.
“I, um… don’t know. It’s just a rash, I think.”
He looks confused. “Rash?”
“A skin rash. It’ll go away in a few days, don’t worry.”
“Does it hurt?”
“Stings, more like. But it’s nothing I can’t handle.”
I smile sadly at his somber expression. There’s so much love in this man. It’s unfair that life has treated him so cruelly. “Lev, do you think you’d be able to do me a favor?”
His eyes snap up to mine. “F-favor?”
“Could you let me go upstairs again today?”
I see his hesitation right away. Fingers twitching akimbo as he chews at the inside of his cheek. “I don’t know…”
“It would just be for a little bit,” I promise him. “Just the very littlest bit.”
He shuffles on his feet. “Can’t we just play video games down here?” That’s when his eyes go to the gaming station—or lack thereof, to be more accurate. His jaw drops with horror. “What happened?”
“Your, uh… your brother removed everything.”
Lev ventures a little closer as though he’s surveying a crime scene. “That’s not nice,” he grunts in a low voice, his body starting to rock back and forth. “My Xbox… my Xbox… my X—”
“Lev? Alyssa?”
I turn around as Polly appears at the door. She walks in, takes one look at Lev and the gaming station, then at the bruises on my neck—and her eyes harden into stone.
“Are you okay?” she asks me in a low, dangerous voice that reminds me strangely of Uri’s.
I take a deep breath but I’m struggling with the sudden, unexpected sob catching in my throat. So much for staying calm. “I’m, uh…”
I blink back tears, which is all it takes to send everything skittering off the tracks. Polly strides forward and grabs my arm. “It’s all gonna be okay,” she murmurs in a voice so soothing that I just might break down on the spot. The only thing that stops me is Lev. He’s upset enough as it is. Seeing me boo-hoo crying would push him over the edge.
“Lev, why don’t you go to the upstairs gaming room and play there?”
He ignores her and starts combing through the fallen pile of video games that Uri knocked over when he was ripping out the console.
“Did my brother do that to you?” Polly whispers to me. She’s still got her hand on my elbow, but rather than grounding me, it’s making me feel shaky.