Lucy:?????????????Nope, just him. I still maintain that he deserved it.
Ben:???????????????What about Savannah? Do you know if she had ever been in a fight or any kind of altercation?
Lucy:?????????????Not that I know of. Can’t really imagine it, honestly. Savvy was a really sweet, levelheaded person. I mean, you’ve heard it from lots of people on this podcast. Everyone loved her. She never could have hurt anyone.
CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
LUCY
Ben doesn’t look particularly concerned about me killing him.
Or surprised, actually.
He cocks his head, his face betraying nothing. “You’re thinking about killing me.” It’s not so much a question as a calm repeat of what I’ve just said.
“I do it all the time.” I don’t know why I’ve decided to tell all my secrets to the absolute worst person to confess them to, but here we are. He did say that he wanted the truth from me. This is one I can actually give him. “With everyone. I think about killing them.”
“Like…” He shifts, and then pauses, and I see his gaze flick briefly to the bag by the door, which has the microphone. He wants to ask whether he can record this.
He doesn’t. He’s good enough at this to know when the answer will be no.
“Like intrusive thoughts,” I say. “I can’t stop them. I pick a weapon, and I imagine killing people.”
“You pick a weapon.” He speaks slowly.
“Whatever’s around. I get creative.”
His lips twitch. Maybe in amusement, maybe in fear. I don’t know which one I’m rooting for.
“Which weapon did you choose in here?”
“The glass first.” I point to it. “That wouldn’t kill you, though. So, the knife.” I touch my own throat. “Then the lamp.”
“The lamp?”
“I’d bash it against your head.”
“I think it’s too heavy for you to get enough momentum to do that.”
“I’m not always realistic.”
“Sure.”
“And suffocating you with a pillow. Later. When you’re asleep.”
His neutral expression cracks with that one. He takes in a slow breath.
“That one’s realistic,” he says, his voice strained.
“Maybe not. You could wake up and fight me off.”
He lifts an eyebrow. “Maybe.”
“Depends on how long it takes you to wake up,” I say.
“And how strong you are.” He’s staring at me with a look I can’t identify, until he shifts slightly in his chair, and I see it. He’s turned on.
I stand and walk to him. I hike up my dress as I lower onto his lap, straddling him.
I put both my hands around his neck.
“Or I could just strangle you right now.”
He meets my gaze. His breathing is ragged.
I take one hand off his neck to unzip his pants. I move my underwear to one side. He sucks in a breath as I raise my hips, and then lower them so he slides inside me.
I put both hands around his neck again, squeezing tighter this time.
I lean closer, my lips against his ear. “You took Paige’s key back. How long do you think it would be until they discovered your body?”
He makes a strangled noise. I grip harder, grinding my hips against his.
“It would be a good ending, don’t you think? Podcaster gets murdered by the woman everyone thought he was going to exonerate? People would remember you forever. The guy who solved the case, but he got killed while fucking the murderer.”
I lean back to look at him. His chin is tilted back, his face red.
“Tighter, tighter!” Savvy cheers.
Ben’s body jerks, another strangled noise escaping from his throat. He goes still.
I slowly let go of his neck.
He lets out a whoosh of air. His gaze doesn’t leave the ceiling for several seconds as he breathes heavily.
He finally meets my gaze, his face still flushed.
I lean forward. When I speak, my lips brush against his.
“Maybe I’ll kill you later tonight.”
He smiles.
CHAPTER FORTY-TWO
LUCY
Mom is sitting at the kitchen table when I come downstairs the next evening, crutch leaning on the wall beside her. The sun streaks through the back door, but she hasn’t turned on a light, so it’s dim in the kitchen, her phone screen the only bright spot. Her gaze is downcast, and Ben’s voice plays softly from her phone.
She looks up at me and quickly pauses the podcast. I pick up my purse from the hook on the door.
“Where do you go every night?” she asks.
“You don’t want to know.”
She presses her lips together and considers that for a moment. She nods.
“You really published three books without telling me?” she asks.
“You’ve never been good at keeping secrets.”
She lets out a loud, short laugh. I guess that means she disagrees.
“You wouldn’t like them anyway,” I say.
“Why not?”
“You’re a literary snob. They’re not literary.”
She sniffs. “Well, I barely read at all anymore, but I do prefer good literature when I make the time. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“I didn’t say there was.” I wanted to say it, though. She squints at me like she knows that.
“You’ve listened to the episode about Nina?” she asks.
“Yeah.”
“You can’t do this to that poor woman.” Her voice cracks a little.
“I’m not doing anything to her. Ben doesn’t consult me about what to put in the podcast.” A lie, but it’s true that he’s not consulting me about Nina.
“He’s implying she did it.”
“He’s implied that a lot of people did it. It’s irresponsible all around. Nina isn’t special.”
“Matt deserved it.” Her tone is harsh, and I’m actually a little touched. I didn’t realize she gave a shit. “Your father and I … maybe we deserved it too. And Colin’s too dumb to care.”
“Agreed.”
“But Nina doesn’t deserve to have her whole life put on display. So what if she didn’t like Savvy? The girl they’re talking about on that podcast bears little resemblance to the actual woman. She wasn’t actually very nice.”
I say nothing to that, because it’s true. Savvy was often kind, but she often wasn’t. Certainly not in high school.
“Nina’s got two kids. A boyfriend, who is a significant upgrade from her ex-husband, who seemed like a real asshole to me. She doesn’t deserve this.”
“And I do?”
Her gaze shifts to mine. She doesn’t need to answer that.
“I can’t stop Ben from saying stupid shit on his podcast,” I say. “But just wait an episode or two. He’s probably going to end the whole thing by saying he thinks I did it.”
Her eyebrows shoot up. “What?”
“He’s got a whole ending written out summarizing his theory about how I killed her. This is just some … I don’t know. He’s exploring every angle. Or just trying to get every dime of advertiser money that he can.”
“But he’s pointing the finger at Nina anyway?” She looks outraged.
“I like how that’s the part that upsets you,” I say dryly.
“Oh Lucy, give me a break,” she snaps. I blink. “Does he have any hard evidence?”
My chest seizes as I consider the possibility. Would he have told me if he did? I doubt it. “I don’t … I have no idea. I don’t see how he could.”
She blows out a breath. “Okay. Good. That’s all that matters. They can’t charge you unless he uncovers something new.”
I open my mouth to ask her why she’s always been so convinced I did it. I haven’t asked in years, and when I did, I bitterly screamed it, so maybe it doesn’t count. I didn’t actually expect an answer then.
I close my mouth. I don’t want one now either. I don’t want to know whether she just has a low opinion of me or she actually knows something. Just the thought makes me want to vomit.
I turn and walk quickly out of the house.
Listen for the Lie Podcast with Ben Owens EPISODE 7—“THE TRUTH ABOUT LUCY”
Ben:???????????????Matt and Mrs. Harper have mentioned that your father was extremely protective of you right after Savannah’s death. He wouldn’t let people speak to you without being present. Is that correct?
Lucy:?????????????Yes. He wouldn’t leave the room, even if I asked him to.
Ben:???????????????Do you know why?
Lucy:?????????????Yeah. He thought I killed Savvy. He was trying to protect me, I guess.