I shake my head, but I don’t type anything.
Never have I thought about fixing Landon. If anything, I slid down his rabbit hole as if it were where I always belonged.
In the thrilling darkness.
The animalistic chasing.
The explosive fucking.
But now, I realize with clarity that some desires are better left unfulfilled for everyone’s greater good.
“He’s too set in his way of thinking,” Bran continues. “After years of futile clashing with our father, Dad gave up trying to correct him and eventually left him to his own devices. It’s hard to speak reason to him and impossible to change him.”
“And yet something tells me you’re not giving up?”
“I’m an idiot and stuck with him for life. Everyone else should save themselves while they have the opportunity.”
“You’re not an idiot, Bran. You just care.” I show him my phone and then pat his shoulder.
“One of us has to.” A bitter smile crosses his lips. “I’m sorry if your acquaintance with me has caused this trouble—”
I put a hand on his mouth and shake my head, then I type, “Don’t you dare blame yourself. I made this choice about Landon and I’ll handle the consequences. Besides, meeting you is one of the best things that’s happened to me, so don’t avoid me again. We should probably meet outside, though.”
“Why?”
“Because I’d rather not cross paths with your psycho brother.”
“No, I meant why do you still want to see me if Lan is out of the picture?”
My lips part and I type furiously, “Don’t tell me all this time you thought I was befriending you to get close to Landon?”
“Weren’t you?”
“Of course not. I liked you and hated the asshole from the beginning.”
He grabs the back of his neck, a shy smile appearing on his lips. “Thanks. You’re the first girl who’s actually liked me and didn’t fake interest in me just to get close to Landon.”
“They do that?”
“Yeah. Apparently, I’m the boring twin and he’s the hot one.”
“I’m going to need names so I can teach the blind bitches a fucking lesson.” I punch the air, then kick it.
Bran throws his head back and laughs. I laugh, too, even though no feelings of joy penetrate my heavy chest.
After Bran and I part ways, I drive to the Heathens’ mansion. My screen pings with a text from Landon and I hit the brakes, coming to a sudden halt.
The ache in my heart spreads and causes my throat to restrict as I tap the screen.
He attached a half-naked mirror selfie, showcasing the dark purple bruises on his chest and his bloodied lips.
Devil Lord: Your brother did this. Come kiss it better?
While I saw glimpses of his manipulation tactics before, I had a veil over my eyes. But now, I can distinguish it loud and clear. Landon has the fascinating ability to use his own pain as a weapon to make his will a reality.
Just like when Bran said he was smiling while being stabbed.
Still, I can’t control the pulsing pain in my chest as I type.
Mia: I’m bored. We’re done.
Then I block his number and his IG.
Best way to get rid of a rotten limb? Amputate it. Even if it hurts like crazy.
I don’t know if it’s because I’ve lost the safety illusion, but as I drive past the gate, I sense the monster’s eyes following me and his breath trickling down my neck.
24
MIA
A finger snaps in my face and I startle as I meet my identical eyes. Only, the ones in front of me are framed with glittery eyeshadow and have two neon hearts on the corners.
Maya gesticulates in my direction while holding a massive coffee cup. “How dare you ignore my very important ramblings about our birthday preparations!”
“Sorry,” I sign, then take a long slurp from my Frappuccino as I stare out the cute coffee shop’s tall glass windows.
“You don’t even mean that.” She nudges me under the table with her pointy toe.
“Here. Let me take your picture. It’s good lighting.”
“Yes!” She passes me her phone and then quickly retracts it. “You’re not changing the subject or bribing me, Mia.”
Epic failure.
I wince and play with the blue straw of my reusable cup. In a further attempt to disperse Maya’s hawklike attention, I take pictures of her using my phone.
She poses for a few, but then she snatches my phone and glares at me. “What’s the reason behind the sudden reappearance of the emo?”
“I’m not going into an emo phase.”
“Bitch, please. You’ve been eating ice cream à la cheesy chick flicks, and lately, you wear so few ribbons, it’s a bit disturbing. Also, you haven’t been nagging me about all the sneaking around I’ve been doing lately.”
“Wait. You weren’t with your fashion club?”
“There!” She slams her cup on the table. “The old Mia would’ve made sure I was with the fashion club, not just take my word for it.”
I groan into my hands and busy myself with slurping intensively.
“Don’t ignore me,” Maya warns. “Unless you tell me what’s going on, I won’t know how to help you.”
I inhale a deep breath. It’s been three days since I blocked Landon out of my life.
Three days of restless sleep.
Faceless monster nightmares.
And excruciating emptiness.
The type that lurks in the background, no matter how much I keep myself occupied.
It doesn’t help that the marks Landon left on my body are taking their sweet time in fading away. Almost as if they got past the barrier of my flesh and are lingering in my soul.
To make things worse, he didn’t just take the hint and leave me alone. Of course not. In true Landon fashion, he texted me from a different number the same day I blocked him.
Whatever got your knickers in a twist better untwist sooner rather than later. I hate to break it to your pretty little head, but we’re not, in fact, done.
I blocked him again.
Then I spent the past two days ignoring my phone and pretending I’m at full capacity, when, in reality, I’m barely surviving.
It took some time to realize that I was so deep into Landon’s world that I needed the distance to see things clearly. My eyes were covered by a mist of lust and chaotic emotions and now I have the chance to see the world without it.
A world in which Landon is the definition of every decadent emotion and the hallmark of unapologetic psychos.
“It’s just a down phase,” I sign to Maya and mean it.
I really believe that I’m an addict and rehabilitation takes some time. First comes the excruciating withdrawals and then I’ll be immune.
Maya abandons her seat and crowds my bench to envelop me in a clingy hug. “I was thinking your nightmares had gradually disappeared, but the past few days, you’ve been having screaming nightmares.”
My lips part and I gently push her away. “I was screaming?”
She nods. “I was so scared and tried to wake you up, but you never acknowledged me.”
“I’m sorry for scaring you.”
“I wasn’t scared of you, idiot. I was scared for you.” Tears shine in her eyes. “I feel so helpless whenever I want to ease your pain but can’t. If I could…I would take all your nightmares.”
I stroke her cheek and wipe away her tears. As much as I love and appreciate Maya, I’m well aware that no one can take away these nightmares.
For a foolish moment, I thought Lan would with his crazy kinks and evil character. And yes, his presence helped, but the nightmares never completely vanished.
It’s me who desperately needs to acknowledge these tangled-up emotions and ideally find solutions for them.
“I’m fine, idiot,” I sign. “And, seriously, stop crying or you’ll ruin your makeup.”
“Don’t care.” She hugs me again, burying her face in my neck. “Promise you’ll tell me first when you’re ready to talk about ten years ago.”
I nod against her, even though I don’t plan to talk about it. Not now, not ever.
My shoulders lock together at the thought of mentioning the monster again. I barely managed to escape the first time. I won’t be able to make it out alive the second time.
Subtly, I pull away from Maya and tell her I need to use the bathroom.