“Please,” I whisper, eyes searching his.
He chuckles, but it’s stunted without humor. “We’re past playing hard to get, Mills. You never have to ask.”
Craning his neck, he takes my mouth in a searing kiss, simultaneously lifting me from the ground and carrying me to his room.
He lays me back on his bed so gently, so reverently, before settling between my open legs, never once peeling his lips from mine. His chest is already pounding against mine as I try to take it all in. Every needy kiss, every tender stroke.
It feels cruel in a way, to indulge in each other one last time. The awareness that this is it, this is the last time, is heavy in the air.
Kai guides my arms out of his jersey I’m wearing and all I can think about is that day at the field when he told me he liked seeing pretty girls in his jersey and liked to take it off them too. But he’s not wearing that cheeky smirk he wore that day. Tonight, his face is tormented as he peels his last name off me.
When I take off his shirt, I follow with a path of kisses up his stomach and chest, his lean muscles contracting in the wake of it all. He cradles my cheek, pulling my mouth back to his, breathing labored against my lips.
Every movement is languid, focused.
We kiss for longer than we ever have. We touch and explore. We just do more, more of whatever will drag this night on as long as possible.
“Undo my belt,” he murmurs against my lips.
I do as he asks while we continue to kiss, tongues stroking, searching for one another.
When his pants meet the floor, he undresses me in the same explorative way, kissing every inch of my skin and worshiping my body until we’re both naked and writhing and wanting.
Kai’s hips are settled against mine, his rigid length rubbing right where I want him as we kiss and ache.
He reaches to his nightstand next to me, but I put a hand on his to stop him.
His confused gaze meets mine.
“I’m on birth control.”
“Miller—”
“Please, Kai.” Stroking the side of his face, I hold his attention. “I need you, all of you. One time. For the last time.”
His throat moves in a deep swallow. “Are you sure about this?”
“Yes, but only if this is what you want too.”
He searches my face for a moment. “It is.”
“I’m . . .” I shake my head. “I haven’t been with anyone else this way.”
“Me neither.”
“But—”
He exhales a breath of a laugh. “When I said Max was a surprise, I meant it. You’re the only person I’ve ever wanted to be this close to.”
His fingers find me first, dipping between our bodies and running the entirety of my core. I can feel how ready I am by how easily he slides over me.
His steely blues close when he feels me. “So wet, Mills.”
I open my legs a little wider for that, arching my back and running my pussy over his erection.
Kai uses his wet fingers to slick his cock, coating him in me. He settles on top of me again, holding himself up on one arm as I stroke his back, keeping him close.
He watches me with rapt admiration as he slicks himself against my seam, his lips dipping to taste mine again.
“Please let me say it,” he whispers against me. “I’ve tried to show you all summer, so let me just say it on the last night I have you.”
“Tell me.”
He nudges his nose against mine. “I love you. God, I love you so much, Miller, it feels like it might kill me.”
I quickly nod because he won’t let me say it in return as I try to keep the lingering emotion held back, my hands running to his lower spine to urge him inside of me.
And with that confession, he tilts his hips and pushes inside.
Skin to skin.
Warm and tight and so breathtakingly full.
Our gaping mouths dust one another’s, our beating chests rising and falling in sync.
“Oh my God,” I exhale. “Kai, you feel—”
“Incredible. You feel incredible, Miller,” he finishes for me. “I can feel every inch of you.”
Everything about this feels attached. Not only the physical bond, but his heart and mine. It feels like we belong here, together, and the knowledge that I’m the reason this ends tomorrow has the burn of fresh tears welling at the base of my lashes.
I’m overwhelmed. With his body. With the way I feel about him. With the aching reminder that tomorrow it all ends.
Kai moves, slowly rolling his body on mine, his pelvis hitting my clit in the most delicious way with every slide. I hold him to me as the room fills with desperate gasps and panting breaths. He decorates my skin with soft bites and soothing kisses, murmuring how much he loves me, how thankful he is for me, how much I changed everything for him.
But can’t he see I’m the one who’s different?
I’m the one who has been completely unassembled and remade in the last eight weeks.
“Miller,” he whispers, using his thumb to wipe the falling tears from my cheeks. “Don’t cry.”
I stroke the side of his face, holding eye contact. “I can’t help it.”
He continues to move inside of me, this overwhelming amount of love surrounding us both. Kai kisses my cheeks, cleaning up my face as the tears continue to drown me, suffocating my senses. He lifts one of my legs closer to my chest, hand cupping my ass to get himself deeper, closer, and I’ve never felt anything like it.
It’s intimate.
It’s connection.
It’s love and it’s terrifyingly painful because it’s all going to end.
Kai pulls back to look at me and it’s then I see the sheen over his eyes. He feels it all too.
“Miller,” he says, making sure my attention is on him. “If you ever decide to stop running and make a home . . . Make it with me.”
A choked sob escapes me, and all I can do is nod in agreement. If I ever changed my life, switched directions, it wouldn’t be for anyone other than him.
We hold each other as our bodies move in sync, letting them say all the things I can’t.
And that night, when Kai whispers that today was a good day against my skin, I don’t tell him that they can all be good days.
Because for me, this was the very last one.
Chapter 37
Kai
“Ball!” the umpire calls.
Fuck.
I’m about to walk this fucking batter and subsequently walk a run in from the loaded bases . . . for a second time this inning.
Shaking it off, Travis stands from his crouching position, tossing me the ball from behind home plate. Even with his mask covering his face, I can see the concern in his furrowed brow.
“Come on, Ace,” Cody calls from first base.
“Let’s go, Kai,” my brother adds.
Exhaling, I pace the mound but all I see is her.
Miller wearing my jersey and holding my son on this mound.
I’m a fucking mess over the visuals, the memories. And they only grow worse when I take my hat off and see her there too.
It’s been one week.
One excruciating week since Miller drove away.
One week since I’ve started correcting Max every time he saw a picture of her and called her Mama.
One week since I started using the pillow she slept on in my bed instead of my own, praying that her sweet scent will somehow embed itself into the fibers and stay forever.
One week since this world I created, this little family I could finally claim as my own, dissolved, leaving me and my son with only each other once again.
It’s also been a week since I’ve heard her raspy voice, heard her say my name. We haven’t spoken since she left because I promised myself I wouldn’t hold her back. I wouldn’t guilt her into responding to me when she’s got these amazing opportunities keeping her occupied.
Instead, I’ve resorted to using her dad to get information.
Did she arrive safely?
Is she sleeping okay?
Is she happy?
Those last two questions couldn’t be further from my own reality, so for her sake, I hope she’s doing better than I am. I hope she’s finding everything she’s looking for. I hope she’s finding her joy.
Because I sure as fuck lost mine.