“The cake is from a box so we should be safe there, but I did have to make my own frosting. That’s where the problem could be.” Shyly, I scratch the back of my neck.
She takes a small swipe off the edge, offering a bit to Max on her finger, and as soon as it’s on his tongue, his face scrunches as if this was the worst form of torture and not a sweet dessert.
“Oh, no,” I grumble. “That’s not a good sign.”
Miller takes another swipe on the same finger, putting it in her mouth. She nods as if she were contemplating. “This tastes like shit.”
I can’t help but laugh.
Her green eyes soften. “Thank you, Kai. This is . . .” She simply nods, unable to add more words.
“The best cake you’ve ever had?”
A smile tilts. “Something like that.”
Leaning over the kitchen island that separates us, I kiss her. “One more thing.”
“One more thing?” She bounces Max on her hip, nuzzling into him. “One more thing, Bug?”
He giggles as I slide a small gift bag across the counter. Her attention bounces from it to me. “You didn’t have to get me anything.”
“It’s small. Almost nothing, really.”
Max reaches down, pulling out the dark yellow tissue from the top of the bag.
“Good helping,” Miller encourages, dipping her hand in.
I watch her as she takes in the framed photo. Her face morphs, her tongue poking the inside of her cheek and her eyes taking on an instant sheen. She keeps her attention on it and when she blinks, the first tear falls.
“Mills—”
She shakes me off, continuing to look at the picture. It’s a photo Isaiah snapped a couple of weeks back. Us on the couch in the living room with Max taking a nap on her and her using my thigh as a pillow. Her chocolate brown hair spills over my legs, and I’ve got my hand on her head, looking down at her like she’s the best thing I’ve ever seen.
“Mmm, sad,” Max says, pointing at a tear falling down her cheek.
She wipes it away. “No, baby. I’m not sad. I’m happy. I’m just crying because I love you so much.”
Fuck. Now I’m going to start crying.
How the hell is this just over tomorrow?
I clear my throat. “I got the same picture framed for Max’s room.”
And for mine.
“And there’s a card in the bag.”
Miller shoots me a deadpanned glare, as if telling me that making her cry once today was enough. She sets Max to sit on the counter as she digs back into the bag and pulls out the birthday card.
It’s simple, nothing flashy or extraordinary about it, but on the inside Max went to town with green and orange crayons. It’s covered in his scribbles and at the very bottom, I signed it for him.
Happy Birthday, Miller.
I love you.
Love, Max
She exhales a breath of a laugh. “Did you make this for me?” she asks my son. “Thank you, Bug. This is beautiful. I’m going to keep it forever and look at it whenever I’m missing you, which is going to be all the time.”
I watch her as she watches my son. She runs her hand over his hair, her attention flicking back to her card.
“Thank you.” Those words are directed at me.
“Happy birthday, Mills. I hope it’s your best one yet.”
Her greens flick to me. “It is. Because of you two.”
We don’t usually do bedtime together. If I’m home in time, I put him down, and if I’m still at the field, Miller gets him to sleep. But tonight being her last night here, we both go into his room.
I change his diaper, get him in a pair of pajamas, and do a quick brush of his little teeth, but I hand him over to Miller so she could be the one to rock him to sleep. She’s only going to have an hour or so with him tomorrow before she hits the road, so I’ll give her as much time as she wants tonight.
They take a seat together in the rocker as I stand by the door, watching, trying to burn the image into my memory.
Max is so close to passing out for the night, so she doesn’t even pull a book to read. She simply holds him to her chest, rocking back on the chair. Her face is etched in agony, knowing this is the last time she’s going to do this with him. Her brows are pinched, her chin a bit wobbly.
“Miller,” I whisper, but she shakes me off like she wants to feel the sadness, sit in it and let it consume her.
Max slowly lifts his head from her chest to look at her and she finds the strength to give him a smile. His little finger goes right to her septum ring, touching it cautiously.
“I love you, Max.” Her voice is barely audible.
“Mmm,” he hums her name, touching her face as gently as he can.
“You almost got it. One day I’ll get to hear you say my name. You’ll have to make sure your daddy records it for me when you do.”
He looks right at her, his icy blues boring into her, and there’s absolutely no misunderstanding when he says, “Mmm . . . Mama.”
Miller’s face falls. “What did you say?”
“Mama.” Max grins, so proud of himself for saying a name I now realize he’s been trying to say for weeks. “Mama! Mama!”
Miller’s head whips in my direction. She’s on the brink of an emotional meltdown while holding my son, who is looking at her as if every missing puzzle piece in his life has been put back together.
He settles himself back on her chest, quietly repeating the word over and over again while Miller rocks him and cries her fucking eyes out.
And I watch her heart break from the doorway while mine breaks for both me and my son.
Chapter 36
Miller
Once Max is asleep in my arms, I get him settled in his crib so I can get out of this room, bolting right past Kai standing in the doorway.
“Miller,” he calls out, but I don’t stop or slow, needing to get to the bathroom. Needing a second alone after what Max just said.
Before I can get away, Kai circles my elbow.
I turn to face him, and I know there’s no hiding how upset I am from him. “I never asked him to call me that. I promise I didn’t.”
Kai shakes his head in confusion. “What? I . . . I know that.”
This little boy, who I love more than I knew I was capable of, just looked at me and called me his mom. “I’m going to ruin him.”
“What are you talking about?”
“His own mother left him, and now I’m going to leave him tomorrow, and he just called me that.” I gesture towards Max’s bedroom, tears streaming down my face.
“You’re not leaving him, Mills. You’re just leaving.”
“This was supposed to be an easy summer. I was just going to help you so I could spend some time with my dad. I don’t want to hurt him, Kai, and there’s no way around that now. What the hell happened?”
I’m frantic, spinning out of control. I’ve never been one to get emotional, but these two boys have turned me into an emotional wreck.
Kai steps into me, cradling my cheek with his palm, attempting to calm me the way he always does. “What happened is he fell in love with you, and I think you fell right back.”
I suck in a shuddering sob. “We had rules to prevent this kind of thing.”
Rules that didn’t do shit to keep me from falling for them both.
“No, Mills.” He gestures between us. “We had rules. You couldn’t have stopped him from feeling that way towards you, and I think a big part of me knew that from day one.”
Of course, he knew. I remember him telling me how scared he was for his son to grow attached to someone else who’d be leaving. Regardless, I stayed, and look what happened.
“You were right, Kai. I should’ve left after the first night in Miami.”
“Don’t say that.”
Hands on my head, I try to control my breathing. “I’m going to break his heart tomorrow, and I don’t know how I’m supposed to live with that.”
Kai swallows the distance between us, wrapping his arms around me to pull me into his chest. Sobs wrack my body then, knowing that he’s got me. He’ll settle me one last time.