“Because I just realized right now that I’ve lost you forever.”
I pulled my hands away to swipe at my face, and I shook my head. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry that you had to come here and tell me this. I’m sorry that I’m falling apart in front of you. This is just all wrong for so many reasons.”
“Don’t be silly. I would do anything for you.” He held his hands up and sniffed. “In a friendship type of way. I get it. Your heart belongs to him now. Hell, it probably always did. I just forced the situation by ending things with you. I guess it gave you the time to actually explore those feelings.”
“I guess so.” I nodded, reaching for the napkin and dabbing at my eyes.
“Well, I mean, at least we know you’re not sick. You just have a baby in your belly, which is why you’re so tired. You’ve always wanted to be a mom. And it sounds like you want to be with Finn, so maybe this isn’t so bad.”
“It’s not that it’s bad, Carl. Of course, I want to be a mom, and the idea of having a baby with Finn is amazing—” I looked away because this wasn’t fair to be talking about this with my ex-boyfriend, who was suddenly willing to raise another man’s baby with me after rejecting me for taking the job of my dreams. “It makes me happy to think about, but the timing is tough because we’re still figuring things out, you know?”
“Well, if it helps, I told you that I see the way he looks at you. Hell, I’ve always seen it. I was trying everything I could not to see it, long before you two got together. He’s in love with you, Reesey. I think he always has been.”
I nodded. “I know that he loves me. I don’t doubt that.”
“Then what is it? Just tell him.”
“I don’t want him to be with me for the wrong reasons, Carl. So, I’m asking you as a favor, as a man that I consider my friend after all the years we’ve been together. Please don’t tell anyone. I want Finn to know first, but I’m not ready to tell him. He needs to go on this trip with a clear mind. And we’ll see how he feels once we’ve spent some time apart.”
“Of course. I won’t say a word. And I’m here if you need me.”
“Thank you so much,” I said as I pushed to my feet and swiped at my face one last time.
He stood and hugged me. “You’re going to be just fine.”
“I will be. Thank you so much for everything. I’ll see you soon.”
I had to pull myself together before I went home.
I wasn’t ready to tell Finn what was going on.
Because I knew Finn. He’d cancel the trip. He’d worry about me being alone.
I needed to give him this time to make sure that he came back to me because he missed me, not because we were having a child together.
We were having this baby, but I needed to know that he loved me either way.
The way I wanted to be loved.
The way I needed to be loved.
twenty-seven
Finn
I was fucking fuming. I’d left Cage’s house after saying goodbye to everyone, and I drove through downtown and saw Reese’s car parked outside of Cup of Cove. I was going to surprise her and stop in, but the fucking joke was on me.
I’d parked my car and didn’t even make it across the street because there she was, right in front of the window, holding hands and crying with Carl fucking Barley. After everything we’d talked about, this was where she went on my last day home?
I got in my truck and told Siri to call Cage. I could have called Hugh, but I didn’t want someone talking sense into me. I wanted someone that would be pissed off right along with me.
“Miss me already?” he said over Bluetooth.
“Far from it. I saw Reese’s car parked at Cup of Cove and was going to go grab a coffee and surprise her, but she was sitting at a table with Dr. fucking Douche and crying. I can’t fucking believe this, man.”
He was quiet for a moment, which was very out of character.
“Maybe it was closure?”
“They’ve had closure. She’s been with me for months. I don’t know what the fuck to think. I’m leaving. She’s worried about me not being able to handle the distance, and she’s holding hands and crying with that dicksack while I’m still here? What’s she going to do when I’m gone?”
“Okay, first off, you don’t know what it was about.”
“Does it fucking matter?” My voice boomed through the cab of my truck. “She didn’t tell me she was going. She’s not being honest, so something must be going on.”
“You know, you could just ask her before you get all worked up. This is fucking Reese, brother. She’s your best friend, and you’re both clearly in love with one other. She wouldn’t be doing anything behind your back.”
“Yeah? Well, why didn’t she tell me about him coming by her office the other day? Why didn’t she tell me that she was meeting him today?”
“Ummm… maybe because you’d react like a fucking lunatic. You clearly hate the guy, and she has a history with him. Listen, I’ve done this shit before where I let my pride get in the way.” He cleared his throat. “Don’t do that. Just fucking talk to her.”
“Fuck, dude. I didn’t call you to be the voice of reason. I called you because you’re the cynical, irrational, bitter sibling.”
“Sorry to disappoint. It’s Reese. I think she deserves a chance to tell you what’s going on.”
I nodded, even though he couldn’t see me. “Fine. I’ll give her a chance to tell me where she was before I lose my shit.”
“That’s not exactly what I was saying you should do.”
“It’s the most I can do right now. I’m pissed. She’s never lied to me. I’ve poured my fucking heart out to her these last few days, man. And she’s doubting me? I’m not the one sneaking around with my ex.”
“You don’t have an ex.”
“Fuck you,” I growled.
He laughed. “All right, take it down a notch. This is not you. You don’t get all worked up and out of control. You’re Finn fucking Reynolds. Come on, brother. Get it together.”
I pulled into my driveway and stared out at the barn, white flakes falling from the sky. I was leaving tomorrow for Tokyo. This role was the biggest thing to ever happen to me in my career after the success of Big Sky Ranch. Things were taking off for me, and I should be fucking happy. But my stomach was twisted up over all of this.
I felt like a lovesick puppy.
This was bullshit.
“Got it. I’ll be fine. I’m going to go check on the horses, and I’ll call you when I get to Tokyo.”
“You call me before if you need me, okay?”
“Don’t get sappy. It doesn’t suit you.”
He barked out a laugh. “Good. Fuck off. Call me when you call me. Maybe I’ll answer. Better?”
“Much. I’ll talk to you later.”
I climbed out of the truck and made my way into the barn. Silas was there, and he’d just finished raking the stalls.
“Hey, you’re off tomorrow, right?” he asked.
“Yep. You’ve got my number. Text me if you have any issues. But you’ve got Cage’s number if there is any sort of medical emergency and Hugh’s number for anything else.”
“I do. And Miss Reese told me she’ll be taking them for a run daily just like she always does. But I’ll run them, as well, if needed.”
I nodded. Reese would be up here every day, but she wouldn’t stay at the house. Why the fuck not? My mind was racing with thoughts I didn’t want to even consider. Was she going back to him? Did she just not want to tell me?
“Sounds good. Thanks for taking care of everything.”
“Always. Have a safe trip. I’m going to head home.” He clapped me on the shoulder before walking out. I heard tires roll up on the gravel driveway, and I turned to see Reese getting out of her car and greeting Silas with a hug.
She waved at me, but I shoved my hands into my pockets as she walked toward me.
Light brown hair bouncing around her shoulders, dark jeans and cowboy boots, and her black down winter coat zipped all the way up. Her lips were turned up in the corners until she got closer and took me in. Her face straightened as she studied me.
“Hey. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Where were you?”
“Where was I?”