“You’ve got to trust me, Reese. I’d never hurt you.”
“I know that. That’s part of what scares me. You’d suffer because you were afraid to hurt me. That’s why I just want you to go and see how you feel. We’ve been in this bubble together for the last few months, but that’s not realistic. You need to be out there, doing your thing, Finn. I’ll be here. I’m not going anywhere.”
The thought of ever being an obligation to this man would be the worst thing that could ever happen to me.
But the thought of being the one he wanted, the way that I wanted him, would be the best thing that could ever happen to me.
And I was afraid to hope for that because I’d seen the other side when things don’t work out. When you’re twenty years old and sitting at an oncology center on New Year’s Eve, getting a chemo treatment.
Life wasn’t always fair. So, the best you could do was prepare yourself for what might be coming.
“Why is it so hard to believe that you’re it for me?” He ran the pad of his calloused thumb over my bottom lip.
“I don’t know. Maybe things feel too good right now. Maybe being ridiculously happy terrifies me.” I sniffed.
“You’ll see.” He smiled that charming grin that stole the air from my lungs. “But I still think you should stay at my house when I leave. I like the idea of you being there.”
“I’ll tell you what,” I said before taking a long pull of my bubbly water. “If you come back from Tokyo and you still feel like this after that time apart, I’ll move back in.”
“Deal. Don’t unpack.”
“So cocky,” I said as he handed me another cracker with jam and cheese on this one, and I took a bite and groaned. “This is so good.”
“You can’t talk about my cock and then groan and say that the cracker is good.” His tongue swiped back and forth along his bottom lip.
“I said you were cocky.” I chuckled.
“I heard you. I’ll show you cocky later when I put those chaps on for you and let you ride me in nothing but your cowboy hat and boots.”
“Don’t threaten me with a good time,” I teased.
“I never would.” He popped a raspberry into his mouth. “So, tell me about the business. It’s growing quicker than you expected. Do you think you should bring on some help?”
I thought it over. “Yeah, at some point. But the beginning is all about grinding, right? I’m starting a business. I need to put everything I make back into it for right now.”
“Miney. Why is taking help so hard for you? Let me invest in your business. Let me help you get things going.”
“You already did. You bought a building, Finn. I think you’ve gone above and beyond.”
“Yet you keep trying to pay rent when we already had a deal to wait a year.”
“That’s sort of a normal business expense.” I laughed. “I’ve got this. I promise.”
“I don’t like seeing you work so hard. You’re running yourself into the ground.”
“I’m young. You work long hours when you’re on set.”
He nodded. But I saw the look in his eyes. He was worried I’d get sick again. There was always that nagging worry in the back of everyone’s minds, mine included.
“I’m fine. I promise. And I love you for caring so much.”
“Well, I love you, and that’s why I care so much.”
“You always have to one-up me with the fancy words, don’t you?”
“Whatever it takes to impress my girl,” he said, and butterflies fluttered in my belly.
“You’ve already impressed me. How are you feeling about this movie? About being gone?”
“I feel okay about it. I wish you could come with me, but I know you’ve got your own dreams to chase here, and I wouldn’t ask you to give that up. So, I’ll put my head down and go work hard for a few weeks, and then come home and show you what you’ve been missing.”
“I will miss you, Chewy. I used to feel so guilty when I was in London because you were the person I missed the most.”
“Yeah? That year was an eye-opener for me, too. It’s the longest we’d ever been apart. And I, uh…” He paused and looked over at the fire, and I waited. My heart raced a little, wondering what he was going to say. “I didn’t do so well, Miney. I didn’t sleep well on the days that we didn’t speak.”
“I felt the same. Like I’d lost a limb.”
I pulled off my coat because I was either burning up from this fire or from the man beside me. His coat had been off for a while because Finn was never cold. He loved the colder temperatures and the snow and the mountains. I slid over toward him, and he pulled me onto his lap.
“Well, we can’t have that, can we? I think we have something pretty special.” He kissed my cheek.
“What we have is nothing I’ve ever experienced with anyone else.”
“Good. I want to keep it that way.” His fingers were in my hair, and he tipped my head back and kissed me. I melded against his body as his tongue found mine. And I wished I could freeze time and stay right here forever.
Finn had left to go see his brothers, and I’d texted Carl and told him I’d meet him at Cup of Cove for a quick coffee. I didn’t mention the blood work to Finn because he’d just worry that I was sick. He was leaving in the morning, and that was the last thing he should be thinking about.
I made my way to the table near the entrance when I saw Carl waving at me. It was weird that just a few months ago, I thought this man was the love of my life, and now I just felt—nothing.
Sure, we had a history, and I loved him in a friendship sort of way. Maybe that was the way I had always loved him, but I just didn’t know any different before now.
“Hey,” he said, and the look on his face had my stomach dropping. What could he have found out? The blood work was just to rule out anything else, right? Or was there something there that made it obvious something was wrong? “I got you a hot chocolate.”
I sat in the chair across from him. “Thank you. You don’t look so well. Did the blood work show something?”
My heart was racing as he studied me.
“I don’t know, Reese. I guess it depends if you wanted to get pregnant.”
Pregnant?
Pregnant.
I couldn’t speak.
Couldn’t think.
I was prepared for him to say that I had mono.
Strep throat.
An immune disorder.
Or some sort of infection.
A baby?
A beautiful baby.
Joy coursed through my veins just before this unsettling feeling spread through my body.
If I was afraid of making Finn feel trapped before, I’d just forced him into a corner in the worst way. Now he’d feel obligated to me.
My bottom lip quivered first before I let the tears fall.
This was what I’d always wanted.
But Finn had this exciting career starting, and I was freaking pregnant?
He’d never had a serious relationship, and now he was tied to one that hadn’t even started out as real for the rest of his life.
He’d never forgive me.
It was too soon.
Carl grabbed my hands. “Is this not good news?”
Why did he sound so pleased?
Had the sound of his voice always irritated me?
“It’s not that. Of course, it’s not that. I’m thrilled. A part of me wondered if I’d ever be able to get pregnant. It’s just, Finn and I are so new to dating, and I don’t know if he’s ready for all of this. He’s leaving for Tokyo tomorrow. I-I just don’t know what he’ll think.”
“I’m here for you, Reese. I’d raise this baby with you if you asked me to.”
What?
That made me cry harder.
This was not how I ever imagined finding out I was pregnant would be. My ex-boyfriend delivering the news and then offering to raise the baby with me because I wasn’t certain that the man I loved would be ready for all of this.
“I’m in love with him, Carl.” I whimpered, and he held my hands from across the table, and I saw the tears streaming down his face.
My God, I’d made a mess of everything.
“Why are you crying?” I asked as I tried to pull myself together.