He was pouring it into a to-go cup for me because he knew I’d need it.
“Thank you,” I said, as I leaned my backside against the kitchen counter. “I’ve got that meeting with Georgia and Maddox about doing the décor for the casita they’re adding on to their place.”
“You all right? You look a little pale.” He studied me, his eyes filled with concern.
How did he always know when something was wrong? I was tired. I’d been working long hours and not sleeping nearly enough.
“I’m good. Between work and getting ready for the holidays, it’s just been a lot.”
He nodded before pulling back and grabbing a banana and a muffin and dropping them into a paper bag. “Take these and eat. I’ll bring you lunch, okay?”
“I know you have a busy day. You don’t need to bring me lunch.”
“I’m never too busy for you, Miney.”
“You’re just hoping I’ll let you have your way with me, aren’t you?” I teased as he followed me out to my car. I looked up to see a few snowflakes starting to fall from the sky.
“I’m always hoping you’ll let me have my way with you.” He opened the car door, and I slipped inside. “Eat that breakfast, you got it?”
“Yes, sir. And are we still set to go Christmas shopping tonight?”
“Absolutely. And we can grab some dinner at Reynolds’ afterward.”
“Sounds like a plan.”
He leaned over and kissed me hard. Like it was perfectly normal to kiss me goodbye. How would we just suddenly turn this off after this had turned into a full-blown relationship with my best friend?
He shut my door, and I drove the short distance to my office, parking in the back lot and walking around to the front door. Carl was leaning against the wall, holding a bag and a coffee cup from Cup of Cove.
“Hey, I was hoping to catch you real quick.” He appeared nervous. We’d only spoken once since he’d made that appearance at Georgia and Maddox’s house on Thanksgiving, and that was the day I’d finished the project at his house.
“Hi. Sure. I have a meeting in a little bit, but I have a few minutes.” I opened the door and flipped on the lights, and he whistled as he looked around. I slipped my coat off and hung it on the hook beside the door.
“Wow. This looks great,” he said. He’d never come by before, even though he’d continually said he was anxious to see the place. He’d never found the time, and I’d always met him at his house for our design meetings. Now that the job was done, there’d be no reason for him to come here anymore.
He handed me the bag and the coffee, and I motioned for him to take the seat on the other side of my desk. “Thank you for this.”
“Listen, Reese. I’ve been really horrified by my behavior.” He held his hands up to stop me from interrupting. “My behavior before that night, as well. I’ve been an asshole. You deserved better.”
“Thank you for saying that. I think you and I just have this history, you know? Where we thought we would have a future together, but in reality, we wanted different things out of life. I think I convinced myself that if we both wanted marriage and kids, that was enough. But I realize now that I have dreams of my own, too. And I’m not upset with you anymore for dating Christy, because if you hadn’t, we would have just fallen into that same routine as soon as I’d returned home. I’m happy with where things are going in my life now. And I want you to be happy, too.”
He nodded. “I’ve been an idiot. I should have supported you when you left for London. I was being stubborn. Fuck, I messed up so many times.”
“I think things worked out the way they were supposed to.”
He studied me for a long moment. “Are you feeling all right? You look a little pale. You pushing too hard?”
That was the doctor in him. And with my history, it was normal for everyone to worry. “I have been feeling really worn out. I didn’t expect to have so many clients right away, but I’m loving it. And you know, I’m always afraid to even tell anyone that I’m exhausted because they will freak out and think it’s the worst-case scenario. I thought of calling Dr. Roberts just to be safe, but you know he’s good friends with my dad, so everyone will hear about it, and then all the drama will start.”
He didn’t hide the concern from his gaze. “Well, instead of saying anything or going to him, what if I run a full panel and just check your blood work and make sure there aren’t any red flags? Maybe you’ve got mono or a virus. Let’s rule out everything before we panic.”
“Really? That would be amazing. And you could keep it between us. If anything comes up, then I’ll go see Dr. Roberts. But I’m fairly certain it’s just exhaustion. I have been going nonstop.”
“It probably is. Stop by my office later today, and I’ll have Janet draw your blood and get it over to the lab. With the holidays, it might take a bit longer, but we’ll get all of it back shortly after Christmas. Then you can put your mind at ease.”
“Thank you, Carl,” I said. “And how about you? Are you doing okay?”
“I am. I think I’m going to take some time and just be alone for a while. You know if you change your mind, and you and Finn don’t work out, I’ll be here.” He waggled his brows, his attempt to be funny.
I chuckled. The problem was, it didn’t matter if Finn was committed to this or not in the long run. He’d shown me what I wanted out of a relationship and what it meant to truly be loved by a man.
And I knew that Carl and I did not have a future.
He pushed to his feet and clutched his chest. “I know that look very well. I get it. You’ve got it bad for the guy. I knew it the first time I saw you two together when you came home outside of Cottonwood Café.”
“What do you mean?” I stood and followed him to the door.
“The way you looked at him after he’d kissed you.” He shrugged. “You’ve never looked at me that way.”
Finn and I hadn’t even been a real thing back then.
“How did I look at him?” I chuckled as he pulled the door open.
“Like he was the center of your universe.” He leaned over and hugged me goodbye. “He looked at you the same way. And you know what, Reese?”
“What?” I asked as he stepped outside.
“You deserve that. I know it. And I think you know it now, too.” He held a hand up and walked toward the parking lot. “Don’t forget to come by today. I want to run that blood work.”
I waved. “I will. Thank you, Carl.”
When I closed the door, I leaned against it and closed my eyes.
He was right. I did look at Finn that way.
Because Finn Reynolds was the center of my universe.
twenty-three
Finn
I’m going holiday shopping with Reese tonight. I got her that charm bracelet I told you about. You know, the one that supposedly says, “I want to date you for real.”
Hugh
What was the gift that said, “I want to fake date you?”
Cage
That’s the gift of the penis, apparently.
You were the ones who told me that sex would make her want to date me, not fake date me, you dicksicles.
Brinkley
And this is why you don’t go to a man for dating advice. Sex is never going to show a woman that you want to date her seriously.
Georgia
Hmmm… I’m not sure that’s true. It made me want to date Bossman.
Cage
I just sat down to have lunch, and now my fucking appetite is ruined. For fuck’s sake, don’t talk about your sex life on the group chat, Georgie.
Brinkley
This is the guy you went to for advice, Finny? He doesn’t have a clue how to handle a woman.
Cage
I’m on this thread, you know that, right?
Brinkley
I do. I just don’t care.
Hugh
Maybe you should just tell her that you want to date her for real.
Brinkley
Really? You think? Duh. That’s what I’ve been trying to say.
Because she’s still not sure how she feels about Dr. Lamebrain, and I don’t want to scare her off.
Georgia
I have to tell you something, but I don’t want you to get upset.
Tell me.
Georgia