Nic had told her the same thing. She wanted to believe it more than she’d wanted anything in her life.
“No one deserves it more than you,” he said again, holding her head still so she could not look away.
“Why are you doing this?” Her voice came out scratchy and raw. He kept coming back. He kept saving her. But why? Why did he care what happened to her?
“Because I have to.”
Her spine straightened. He thought she was some kind of charity case, then? She tried to pull away, but he wrapped his arms around her waist, holding her against his body.
“I have to because I’m in love with you, and the more I know about you, the more certain I am that it’s real. I would never have asked you to marry me if I distrusted you.”
Marriage. She still had not gotten used to the idea that Grae truly wanted her for his wife. Her stomach churned and her throat grew tight. “You only feel sorry for me. You want to help some poor little beggar girl.” The words were punctuated by huge sobs ripping from her chest. He couldn’t really want her or love her. She was nothing. An orphan girl with no past.
She had nothing to offer anyone. She didn’t deserve happiness—isn’t that what Bones had drilled into all their heads, year after year? That they were all unwanted from the beginning.
Arista twisted furiously in his arms, but he wouldn’t relent. He just held her there, solid and warm and strong.
“What I see is the bravest person I know. You’re kind and compassionate. You care about my family, one you’ve only known for a short time, but you cared enough to risk your life to help. You could have run, but you chose to stay and fight. That is not what a selfish, undeserving person would do. You have a good heart inside you. You are good. You still feel, Arista—I know you do. And that’s why I love you.”
The pressure in her chest cut off her ability to breathe. He was saying words she had longed to hear all her life. The ones she kept locked deep inside her mind.
“Please stop,” she begged through her tears.
“I will tell you the same thing every day for the rest of your life until you believe it.”
Her shoulders shook and she tried to pry his arms from around her. She opened her mouth to drag air into her lungs, but a deep sob escaped. More followed, until her entire body shook violently.
Her legs crumpled and Grae held her upright. Something inside her let go. She clung to him as if her life depended on it. Dug her nails into the back of his jacket while he whispered words she couldn’t understand through her grief. The years of bottled-up feelings burst free in huge waves. She’d fought against feeling anything for so long that the rush of emotions was overwhelming.
As the sobs grew weaker, her limbs felt as if they were weighted down with stone. As if he knew, Grae carefully lifted her into his arms and walked across to the bunk, where he deposited her carefully. He brushed his lips over her forehead and pulled a quilt up over her body. Before she could protest, he sat in the chair closest to the bed. “Rest. I’ll be here when you wake. I promise.”
She wanted to talk more, but heaviness pushed down against her eyelids, forcing them closed. She would be no good to anyone if she were too exhausted to move. Maybe a short rest, before she had to do what she still planned on doing…
“Captain, I’ve got a message.…” The knock and the man’s voice came at the same time. Arista pulled away and ducked her head.
“Begging your pardon, sir, I didn’t know you had a guest. This came from your father’s house, and the lad said it were urgent.” The man handed Grae a note and backed out of the room. The door clicked shut behind him.
“Sorry about that,” Grae said. She could hear the smile in his voice. “My men aren’t used to their captain entertaining women aboard the ship.” His confession produced a most pleasing feeling of contentment in her chest.
“I should see what it is, though. Father never sends me messages about urgent matters. He comes himself.” Grae slid his thumb under the wax and broke the seal. After a few quick seconds, his expression changed.
Grae handed the letter to her. “I believe this is for you.”
Her hand shook as she took the letter.
Gypsy~
I’ve got what you asked for. Meet at our spot at dusk.
~N
“Who is it from?” Grae asked.
“A friend,” she whispered.
Arista stared at the crudely written words. She’d taught Nic to write years ago, after Becky had taught her, but he’d never managed to get past the basic steps. The letters were uneven and jagged.
Grae took the note and read it. “Who’s N? Where is this spot?”
“I…” The words died on her lips. She’d told Nic she needed something on Wild. Did this mean he had it?