His words felt like a dagger in her heart. “I promise, Grae—I didn’t know, not until tonight. I tried to fix everything…but nothing’s changed. Everything is still so messed up. I’m so sorry.” She dropped her face into her hands.
“So you didn’t know my father would be asked to transport human cargo?” His voice was raw with emotion.
“No! I promise I didn’t know what Wild planned to do.” It was time to tell him the truth. “I knew your father owed Wild a debt, because otherwise I would never have been admitted to your home. I was supposed to go out, collect money and secrets like I did before, only this time, Wild promised me half the cut. That was my ticket to freedom. I’ve never had the chance to earn enough money to get Becky and myself away from London. I accepted his offer because I had nowhere else to go. I didn’t know his plans, or that Lord Raffer planned to blackmail your father. He used me as well. If I had known…”
Wild had made sure that she remained in the dark about her role in the extortion plan. Every move he made had been calculated—from reeling Nic in, to saving her life, to setting her up in the Sinclair household. He’d played the game with the precision of a chess master.
Arista had paid with her freedom, and Grae’s family was still under Wild’s thumb.
“It was all for nothing. I’m so sorry.” Her shoulders shook and tears dripped out from between her fingers.
“What were you trying to do tonight?” he asked.
“I was offering to give someone control over their own secret, in return for a Parliamentary investigation of Raffer. To bring his activities to light and discredit him so he couldn’t make accusations against your father.”
Grae sighed. He sounded so tired. “So, now what?”
“I failed. I couldn’t save your family.” She might as well go back to Newgate. She was as much a prisoner now as she had been then.
“There has to be something we can do. Is there anyone else you can contact?” His warm hand rested on her shoulder, and that tiny bit of comfort gave her the clarity she needed. Arista stopped and lifted her head.
“The note that said I was in Newgate—do you have it?”
Grae released her hand and reached into his pocket. The note was a crumpled-up ball of paper now. Arista pried it from his fingers and smoothed it open. She only had to glance at the writing to know who’d sent it. Nic.
“Do you recognize it?” Grae asked.
She immediately shook her head. The vile taste of guilt sat on her tongue. Why didn’t she tell him about Nic?
Because then she would have to tell him everything—and somehow she knew that if he found out Nic had set her up for murder, he would be less than understanding.
She still didn’t quite understand. Nic had vowed that he would never let anyone hurt her, yet he’d let Wild manhandle her. But all the while he’d known that Grae was on his way to save her. Was he just keeping up an act for Wild? Or was all of this just an act to trick her?
“We could leave London. All of us. My father is willing to move the family someplace safe,” Grae said. “The ship is bound for India. Mother and Sophia have always wanted to go there.”
“And what would happen to his business? To his ships? He built this for you and Sophia. So that you would have a future. There is no life in hiding, in looking over your shoulder every single day. Trust me, I know it all too well.”
He sighed and leaned into her hand. The rough stubble on his cheek scratched against her fingertips. It was a sensation she wanted to feel every day for a lifetime.
“You make it hard to deny you anything.” He turned his face and pressed his lips against her palm. “You asked me to trust you once, and I want to. I really do. No more secrets between us. Tell me everything and we’ll figure this out together. Promise me.”
Arista swallowed. How could she look him in the eye and lie to him? If she did, there would be no going back. Tears burned her eyes and she spun away.
“Don’t. Please don’t turn away from me again, Arista.” She crossed her arms and hugged herself.
“I can’t make that promise,” she said softly.
Grae sighed. His eyes were watery. “Why not?”
She had to take several steps away from him to suppress the urge to throw herself into his arms and promise him anything he wanted. “My entire life is based on secrets and lies. I’ve done horrible things that I never want to say out loud. Isn’t the fact that I stayed—that I’m trying to help you—enough?”
“No.” He crossed the cabin and pulled her into his arms, against the hard planes of his chest. “And what you’ve done to survive doesn’t matter—not to me.” He shook her gently by the shoulders, then slid his hands around to cup her face in both his hands. His gaze was hard, intense, but filled with something that took her breath away. “Damn it, Arista, the fact that you’ve not only stayed alive, but retained your integrity—it proves how strong you are. No one deserves to be happy more than you.”